As I'm sure you've noticed, I had a post about my Uncle dying last November 2 and being buried earlier today. I'm sure you've also noticed that between those dates, I seemed to have led a normal life, no signs of being upset or anything. I was like that in real life as well and I honestly thought that I was a-okay. You know, I've cried for a day but I'm ready to move on.
Boy was I wrong.
I spoke with several family members in the province earlier today before the burial of my uncle. At first, it was all good. I was checking if everything was all right, I was telling my cousins to get a hold of themselves and watch out for their mom who just might break down. Then we started to talk about how Uncle Soc was such a cheater, for leaving us so early ... that he and my cousin who happened to be his son were really father and son, both cheaters because they left us way too early. And I found myself crying ... and crying ... and it just won't stop.
I cried because I would never see him again. I cried beause I was not there. I cried because I don't know if I ever told him that I loved him. I cried for all the what might have been ... and because I would never hear his voice again or see him smile.
Then I collapsed. Maybe it was my system's way of dealing with too much pain. Maybe, I just couldn't handle it. Maybe, I just didn't want to deal with it. When I woke up, I was in the hospital already. My coworkers all panicked and took me there coz I have been unconscious for 20 minutes.
So obviously, I was just holding it all in. And the truth came out. I'm still not as strong as I thought I was. Or maybe, even if he was just an uncle by marriage, I really do miss him and wish that he were still here with us.