Monday, June 30, 2008

grand family reunion

I just came back from a 2day trip to Cebu City, my hometown. This is where I was born and where I partiallygrew up. This is where almost all my relatives are living as well. They hold a very special place in my heart. I also have relatives in the US and London and one of them (the one from US) hasn't been able to come home for the last 17 years. It was only this month that she has been able to come back which prompted us to have the 1st and hopefully not the last GRAND FAMILY REUNION!

Of course the usual family drama occured and there were moments of awkardness but overall, it was a blast. We were in Cebu Friday and night and got back Sunday afternoon. Here are some pictures.

almost complete set of cousins . . .
my Mom with her parents and siblings
jump for joy
the sky with a rainbow

Sunday, June 29, 2008


I sit here
rain falling outside
and I start thinking ...

What if you were here?
What if we were together?
What if ... you were real?

Would we hold hands?
Would we kiss?
Would we cuddle and talk?
Would we be happy?

And I stop myself
knowing it will never be
desiring for it to be
my heart ... breaking into pieces.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

I am

I am ...

fooled me
lied to me
played me
made me believe.

did I fall
did I let this happen
did I dream it was real?

I am ...

Thursday, June 26, 2008

never forgive, never forget

You know how they say that to forgive is divine and all that hoopla? I don't agree with that. I know it's wrong and all but one thing I really know about myself is that I can hold grudges for decades. See, I said decades since I'm nearing my 3 decade mark in life.

I just can't believe people who easily forgive and forget things like it was nothing. Maybe its because I love deeply or care so much but I just can't get over betrayals fast or being played at. It's not in my nature. I may forgive or make you think I have, but I never ever forget. I just can't.

It's like I have this mental closet in my mind and its an automatic thing. I'd study the person who hurt me and find out what their weakness is. It's not even a conscious thing at times. I just do it. It's innate in me.

See, I don't really hurt people on purpose. So when someone does that to me and its unwarranted, I just get this insane urge to get back. I become really restless until I am able to do so. A great example would be M. To those who have been reading and lurking, you know who M is. To those who are new to my ramblings, M is my first boyfriend.

We got together because he wanted to use me to show his ex (who is now his wife) that he can replace her. For Valentines day, he gave me a card and played the song Somebody by Depeche Mode while I was decorating our classroom. Sweet huh? NOT! It was their themesong and he was reminiscing. I was a bit unaware of how people in a relationship acted but I knew there was something off about it. I felt like crying but because I'm full of pride, I donned on my couldn't care less face and acted like everything was all roses.

I cried at home, in my room, on my bed. I cried like there was no tomorrow.

I vowed to make him regret it. I vowed to make him fall for me so hard that he wouldn't be able to love someone else the way he would love me. I plotted and schemed and did everything possible that my 15 year old brain could come up with. I was extra sweet to him. We would spend a lot of time together and then I would pull back. I'd go out with friends or go to one of my many orgs to handle things. He would be upset. He dind't know then but I was spinning my web on him.

Was I successful? YES!

How do I know? We broke up in 1997, almost 17 then. He still called me until I was 24. He would visit my house and kept track of who I was with, what was happening, and what were the new things in my life. He only stopped calling when I married.

He was my first love, the greatest love of my life. But because he hurt me, I hurt him back. I'm crazy that way. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. Always.

But I can't ...

Somebody told me this ...
"I want to take away your loneliness ... but I can't."
This is the inspiration for this poem.

I want to take away
your fears
your pain
your loneliness

But I can't.

I want to make you

But I can't.

I wish I could make you
fall in love
stay with me
be with me

But I can't.

my brothers in FILA stores nationwide

3rd and 7th guy in the forefront row are my twin brothers. Cool huh?

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

I cannot ...

  1. drive a car
  2. knit
  3. sew a stitch but I can cross stitch
  4. draw a straight line even with a ruler
  5. paint
  6. sketch
  7. fit a burger into my mouth in one big bite
  8. walk in flood water
  9. decorate like an interior designer
  10. lose weight ... lol
  11. control myself when its you I deal with
  12. put my mask on when I need to
  13. sleep without a pillow to hug
  14. live in a house where its all black and white ... I need colors in my life
  15. iron clothes to save my life
  16. kill a big roach
  17. do a rounhouse kick
  18. do a split
  19. eat really sour candy ... grossness
  20. stop thinking of you and hurting everytime I do
What can you not do?

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Who do you want to meet?

Someone who can tame me but not break my spirit.
Someone who is as much a hopeless romantic as I am and yet a realist about life.
Someone who can reassure me that I am worth loving.
Someone who can make a difference in my life.
Someone who can teach me something that will forever change me as a person.
Someone who can satisfy my insatiableness.
Someone who can make me laugh and forget my problems.
Someone who can sing me love songs.
Someone who will dance with me on the streets.
Someone who will take care of me when I am sick.
Someone who will love me even when I am not loveable.
Someone who will watch silly movies with me and laugh with me.
Someone who will hug me when I am feeling emotional.
Someone who believes in me and my capabilities.
Someone whom I can talk to for hours and hours.
Someone who will travel with me.
Someone who can fill the emptiness in my life.
Someone who I can spend the rest of my life with ...

Someone who will fight for me.

that's who I want to meet ...

can you?

Can you hear it?
the silent weeping
the craking of the walls
the breaking of a heart?

Can you feel it?
the sheer agony
the fear that follows
the feeling of being lost?

Can you taste it?
the bitterness of my heart
the anger in my mind
the sorrow and confusion?

Can you?

Monday, June 23, 2008

15 Weird Things about Me

1) I still love the Care Bears so whenever someone gives me something that has the Care Bears on it, I literally feel giddy. I love anything kitchy, colorful, and something to do with cartoons or arts.

2) I write better when I'm sad.

3) I can drink 2 cups of coffee then fall asleep after.

4) I have over 800+ books. I can tell you the story of 700+ of them just by looking at the cover.

5) I like learning new information about things and share them with other people, thinking that they'd be interested as well. Unfortunately, they're not.

6) I like hugging and kissing more than sex itself.

7) I buy magazines and browse through them. I don't always get to read the articles unfortunately.

8) I have a mental closet in my mind and when I watch tv shows or movies, I keep stock of the comebacks or insults hurled and use it on unsuspecting people when appropriate. I specifically have a really huge space for Cruel Intentions and recently, Gossip Girl. Move over, queen bee.

9) I pick on other people in my mind. I am a mental bully.

10) I love buying cookbooks and collecting recipes but I no longer am able to try them on.

11) I have really dry skin on my feet. Yuck. I also don't like it when I wear open toed shoes and my feet gets wet. ARGH!

12) I am almost completely hairless. I can be the model for the after shot of a waxing product.

13) My hair looks like its been blowdried to look tousled upon waking up. Naturally and gorgeously disheveled is how my friends describe it. I just wish it looked that way the whole day.

14) I can sit the whole day watching TV marathons.

15) I love to sing when someone else is singing.

What's weird about you?

Sunday, June 22, 2008

let us

let us not think of what the future holds
only of now
let us not think of what could be
only what is
let us not think of consequences
only what today brings

let us love
and be loved
let us live
and love
let us play
and laugh together

I do not need more than this
I do not ask for more than what you can give
I do not need anything from you
I only need you.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

idea of you

Your words
they ignite my senses.
Your voice,
they fan flames of desire.
Your touch
they burn through my skin.
Yet when I looked at you,
I turn to stone.

Something about you ...
makes me want you
makes me long for you
makes me want to be with you.

Get out of my head
get out of my heart
get out of my life.

I am ...
burning ...

I must stop.


Too late ....
into deep
in way over my head

I have fallen ...
with the idea of you.

Friday, June 20, 2008

10 things to do before I die

1) go away for a weekend somewhere quiet ... yung tipong puro nature lang makikita ko .... then drink myself to the point where I would just black out ... 2) go to a foreign country by myself lang ... never been out of the country so its something totally different
3) watch a movie by myself ... never ko pa natry to e
4) compete in a ballroom dancing competition
5) bungee jump
6) get a tattoo
7) get a belly ring
8) dye my hair (never pa ako nagpakulay e, kahit highlights)
9) spend the day with a complete stranger
10) roadtrip
So those ten must be something that I do before I die. Or else, I will come back as a ghost to haunt people. Lol!

What do you want to try?

Thursday, June 19, 2008

trying to get the feeling again ....

At any moment he’ll be walking through that door
But he won’t find me behind it
Cause the feelin’ is gone and just won’t come back anymore
I worked so hard to find it
I’ve been up, down, trying to get the feeling again
All around tryin’ to get the feeling again
The one that made me shiver
Makes my knees start to quiver every time he walks in

This is probably one of the saddest songs I've heard in my life. I find it tragic when someone loses that feeling of love they used to have for someone. It's like listening to a heart break. You don't really hear it ripping to shreds bit by bit yet you know that it's happening and that it is painful. You know this because you went through it. You know how it feels and in some ways you relive that painful feeling even for a fleeting moment. It's even more painful because in this scenario, the other party is coming back, when there is nothing to come back to. They think there is but there's nothing. When they left, they took away everything that not even love was able to survive it.

I’ve look high, low, everywhere I possibly can
But there’s just no tryin’ to gt the feeling again
It seemed to disappear as fast as it came
Read every book, looked for every meditation and poem
Just to bring home that old sweet sensation
But it ain’t no use to me to try to get the feeling again
Where did it run to I thought I’d done all that I could
Just to keep the love light burnin’
But whatever I’ve done I just haven’t done it too good
Coz all that’s left is yearnin’
Could you help me rediscover
the way to re-be his lover once again

I think what's even more painful than the above scenario of coming back to nothing is for the other person who is left with nothing ... when they don't realize that there is nothing anymore and they make every effort to bring back what was there, to re-live those moments, to reenact what can no longer be brought back. When you find yourself convincing yourself to love someone again, that is one of the most painful thing. When you realize that you no longer love someone you thought you would love forever, it crushes you. It crushes you like a thousand buildings would, and you find that as much as you want to bring it back, its just not going to happen. You want to get it back but you find out that it just isn't there anymore.

And you hurt, because you know that when you tell the one you used to love the truth, they will be hurt. Maybe as much as you were hurt before ... and it hurts. It hurts because in some ways, you still love them. You just don't love them the way you used to.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

when you love someone who can't be yours ....

Loving someone who can't be yours is probably one of the most painful thing to experience. You keep yearning to be with that person, with the knowledge that you can make that person really happy, if only he will let you, that you are the perfect one, if only he will realize it. You love someone who is not yours, and most likely someone else is like having that really really favorite food in front of you but at the same time knowing that if you take a bite, you'd get poisoned. It may be worth the bite but you know that you can never do it.

When you love someone who will never be yours, it will always be bittersweet. There may even be a point where you just want to not love him because it hurts too much, because you might want too much, more than what the other person can give. When you love someone who will never be yours, it is the ultimate sacrifice; you know he will never love you yet you can't stop loving him.

When you love someone who can't be yours, you stop loving yourself.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

when you find someone ...

What do you do?

This was a question asked of me and this is my answer ....

I would like to say that I would hold on to them like a drowning person would hold on to a raft suddenly thrown his way; that I would cling to them like a babe would to his mother; that I would realize the value of what I hold in my hand and treat it right.

I would like to say those things and know that they are true, that this is what I will do. But I can't. To say them would mean to lie to myself because that is not what I will do or that is not what I have done in the past.

I would let it go. I would not treat it right. I would probably hurt that person over and over again because I would be too scared of his power over me. I will not let him in because I know that to do so would be to leave myself vulnerable and in harms way. I know that this is not the right way to go about it but that is what I will most likely do.

What would you do?

Friday, June 13, 2008

meantime girl

She`s the one you call when you`re bored because she makes you laugh. She`s the one you talk to when you`re feeling down because she`s willing to lend an ear and be a friend. She`s not the one you call when you need a date to your company`s Christmas party, or to go dancing with on a Saturday night. She`s the one you spend time with between girlfriends, before you find `The One`. You know, the one you keep in the MEANTIME.

She`s not one of the guys, not a tomboy, but you don`t look at her as a “real” woman, either. She`s not bitchy enough, moody enough, or sexy enough to be seen in the light. She`s too laid-back, too easily amused by the same things your male buddies are amused by. She`s too understanding, too comfortable. Doesn`t make you feel nervous or excited the way a `real` woman does. But she`s cool, nice and funny, and attractive enough that when you`re lonely and need intimate female companionship, she`ll do just fine.

You don`t have to wine and dine her because she knows the real you already, and you don`t have any facades to keep up, no pretense to preserve. You`re not trying to get anything of substance out of her. She`s not easy, but you know that she cares about you and is attracted to you. And you know that you don`t have to explain yourself or the situation, that she`ll be able to cope with the fact that this isn`t the beginning of a relationship or that there`s any possiblity that you have any real romantic feelings for her.

It won`t bother her that you`ll get up in the morning, put on your pants, say goodbye, and go on a date with the woman you`ve been mooning over for weeks who finally agreed to go out with you. She`ll settle for a goodbye hug and a promise to call her and tell her how the date went. She`s just so cool.. why can`t all women be like that?! But deep down, if you really think about it (which you probably don`t.. because to you, the situation between the two of you isn`t important enough to merit any real thought) you know that it`s really not fair.

You know that although she would never say it, it hurts her to know that despite all her good points and all the fun you two have, you don`t think she`s good enough to spend any real time with. Sure, it`smostly her fault, because she doesn`t have to give in to your needs - she could really play hard-to-get. Bitch like the rest of them do, if she really wanted to. But you and she both know that she probably couldn`t pull it off. Maybe she`s too short, or a little overweight, or has big birthmark on her forehead, or works at Taco Bell, or just really not that type.

Whatever the reason, somehow life has given her a lot of really great qualities but has left out the ones that men want (or think they want) in a woman. So she remains forever the funny friend, the steadfast companion, the secret lover, and you go on searching for your goddess who will somehow be everything you ever wanted in a woman.

You`ll joke to her that she should be the best man at your wedding, and she`ll laugh and make a joke about a smelly rental tux. She doesn`t captivate you with her beauty, or open doors with her smile. Mainly, she blends in with the crowd. She`s safe. She doesn`t want to be the center of attention and turn the heads of everyone in the room. But she wants to turn someone`s head. She wants to be SPECIAL to someone, too. We all do.

She has feelings. She has heart. In fact, she probably has a bigger heart than any woman you`ve ever known because she`s had a front-row seat to The Mess That Is Your Life, and she likes you anyway.

She obviously sees something worthwhile and redeeming in you because although you`ve given her nothing, absolutely no reason to still be around, she is. - Anonymous

Sunday, June 8, 2008

I am an ex.

I am an ex.

I once loved someone who loved me back. But he didn't want to stay... So I had to let him go. I cried. A lot. I spent countless nights wondering what went wrong, muffling my sobs with my pillows so my parents wouldn't suspect that something was amiss. I'd reminisce about our happy times, then break down when I'd realize that he was no longer mine. I analyzed every single detail of our breakup. I wrote long e-mails to my closest friends. I talked endlessly about my situation. I spent my nights in tearful telephone conversations and my days in daydreams where we'd end up in each other's arms again.

Sometimes he was still my angel, still my knight in shining armor who I'd do anything for just to have back. But sometimes, I saw him as the devil incarnate who broke my heart in the worst possible way, and who deserved to be horsewhipped at the very least. I told myself that it was all for the better. That this was what was best for the both of us. That this was God's plan.

My friends offered similar advice, none of which I hadn't heard before: "It's a sign that you're not meant for each other," "When God closes a door, He opens a window," "Someone better is coming for you," "There are so many other fish in the sea," etc. But it didn't work. Because deep down, I still believed that he was the one,the only one. And I couldn't understand how this was all for the better... when every day seemed more torturous than the last... not being able to be with him the way I wanted to be, seeing him so unaffected, and dealing with my broken-and-smashed heart and my bruised ego.

I tried to immerse myself in other activities to forget about him. I went out a lot. I filled my schedule with movie marathons, shopping sprees, and Dance Maniax. It worked for a while... but then there were times - times when my mind was cleared of the busy thoughts I tried to occupy it with -- that I would think of him. His memory would sneak up to me on tiptoes, catching me in my most vulnerable moments. I tried to show the world that I was OK. That I was over him. That it was fine just being friends.

I didn't go around with a big "X" on my forehead, nor did I go around with puffy eyes and a tissue box. I tried to live my life as I knew it before I met him. People thought that I was doing great. They heard me laugh and they saw me smile; I seemed happy, they said; and I told myself that I was. But in the solace of my room, where I tried to organize my thoughts and sort out my feelings, I had to admit to myself that I wasn't truly happy. Because I was still yearning for someone, and my heart still ached for something that could not be.

It's been over 1 year since we broke up,surprisingly, things have gotten better. I've changed. Somewhere along the way, I realized that he wasn't the only one out there for me. I also realized that there were valid, powerful reasons why we split up. And I've become stronger,older, wiser. He's changed as well -- when I look at him, sometimes I still see the boy I fell in love with. Sometimes I think that he's the same person... he still has the same goofy smile and mischievous charm that I fell for, and I like to believe that the rest of him is unchanged as well. But then I take a closer look and I realize that he HAS changed... that I don't know him anymore, not really... not enough to love and care for him as I once did.

I am an ex. I've loved and lost. I've cried tears for the things that were and that could have been. I've wrestled with intense feelings of love and hate, of jealousy, of frustration. I've simultaneously taken down and brought up my pride. I've tried to rebuild my world without the person whom it used to revolve around. I've tried to save myself from the depths of depression and self-pity, and when I couldn't do that, I turned to God for help. I don't know exactly what I gained, or how much I lost. Maybe someday it will be all clear to me... then again, maybe not.

*** something I lifted from a forum a long time ago ...

Saturday, June 7, 2008

getting off the teen wagon

Last June 1, my twin brother finally fell off the teen wagon when they celebrated their 20th birhthday. They tried to hold on to it by saying that they were in their twenteen but no one would have it. Lol!

Welcome to the real world lil bro's. Don't worry, we're here to help you out. Happy birthday!

Don't you just love what his shirt says? Lol!

re-rewind ...

There are moments in life that you wish you could rewind and just play over and over again. I wish I could hit the rewind button for these events ...

- hubs and I playing with our son and hearing him laugh like crazy
- when we cuddle since its rare
- having a really good conversation with my Mom and siblings over dinner
- that moment when I pick up a book that I've been looking for such a long time
- getting a first taste of that new brand of coffee that was just too good to pass
- sitting down and realizing that life is good ....

What moments of your life would you like to rewind?

Friday, June 6, 2008

reminiscing ....

I just saw this love letter sent to me before by R.

Before you, my life was tranquil, peaceful, sedated. I wanted nothing more than to hang out with my friends all day and swing by the comic shop to check out what was new. After you came along all hell broke loose. Emotions of every kind, color and shape flew every everywhere, a roaring maelstrom I could not stop. The tranquility of my life has been utterly destroyed, but you know what? Now I can’t even imagine what my life would be without you.

Everytime I think of you a stupid smile forms on my face and people look at me funny. I never thought I could feel this way again. For a year I shed the heavy cloak of the romantic and promised myself I would never fall again. Then you came along and turned my world upside down. I put on the cloak again and it wasn’t so heavy anymore. In fact, it was light as air and so was I. They say that happens when you’re on cloud nine.

I thought I could never write words like this again, but you have a penchant for proving me wrong. Where I once struggled to write now it is as effortless as breathing, and just as necessary, for I feel if I didn’t express all the feelings inside me I would simply explode, for I feel that strongly about you.

I thought life without you was peaceful, but that was only because without you it was so empty and shallow. Now your voice and your laughter resound throughout, your smile and your eyes ever present in my mind, and though at times I feel I might be overwhelmed, I could not imagine anything that would make me happier than seeing your smile or hearing your laughter. At one point I wondered if I was dreaming. Then you bit my shoulder. It hurts ‘till now so guess this couldn’t be a dream.I want to make you happy, I honestly do. You validate my existence on this Earth every time I make you laugh, or every time I can make you smile. Every time I can make you laugh it gives me a sense of purpose, as if God’s mission for me in this life is to make you happy. Now that wouldn’t be so bad now would it?

I love holding you in my arms. There is a feeling of completeness about it. It’s like the two of us put together can stand up against anything the world has to offer. When I hold you the majesty and beauty of life manifests itself. The dreary colors of the world slink into their holes and all I see is sunlight and bright colors, as if someone had tuned up the brightness and color on his TV to the maximum level. A feeling of warmth surrounds me, and it’s the good kind of warmth, not the warmth of a stunningly hot summer day that makes you want to lock yourself up in the refrigerator. It is the warmth you get when you see a newborn baby, when your mother holds you when you’re sick, when two old folks hug and kiss each other like it was their first day to be in love. It’s the warmth you get when your heart knows you are holding someone very special, someone you could love for eternity, or at least ‘till the day you die.

There are so many words to write, so many thoughts in my head I cannot focus. I guess I should end this with a few facts. I love you. You made me believe once again that love does exist and it is not overrated and it can and will be the most wonderful thing we can achieve in our lives. You make me happy. You make me want to change the bad things about me so I can be a better man for you (but I refuse to give up my sandals). You make me feel complete in a way I never thought I could feel. You made me fall in love again, and that is an achievement, because I was doing a pretty good job of denying myself love. Lastly…I love you. So much that at times it hurts, but always in the knowledge that it is worthwhile, because nothing makes me happier.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

unsent letters

My Dawson,

How are you? I don't get to talk to you anymore. I don't know what's happening in your life now. Pretty weird since I've known you since we were snot nosed kids back in Kindergarten. I remember back in Grade 6, we'd hang out a lot. After our tutorials, we'd got to Masangkay and eat out or buy those WWF cards and fight over who gets Brett the Hitman Hart. Those were the days.I didn't know we were gonna end up like Dawson and Joey.

I didn't know that I was gonna fall in love with you. And that you'd feel something for me too.We kept in touch all through out until that one fateful night ... I wonder why fate did that to us? Why we had to see each other and be with each other that day? Why we had to have significant others at that moment? Why I felt so passionately for you? Why we kissed and the world just sort of faded into the background? Why we decided not to dump them and be together?

Why were we so scared? I guess I'll never know.

You promised to be in my life forever; to always be there for me; even though we have kids, that you'll be the Ninong and I'll be Ninang ... and now you're not. And I miss you so much. It's just not the same without you in my life.

I don't have anyone to call in the middle of the night or at daybreak just to have someone listen to me cry, rant, or rave. I don't have anyone who completely understands me. So wherever you are, I hope you know that somewhere, someone is waiting for you ... not to be your other half ... but just to have that little space in your heart once more.

Your Joey Potter

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

weirdest compliment ever ....

a friend said to me

i don't want to bullshit you.... you really are likeable.... whether you want it or not

Ain't that sweet? I think it is.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

letting go ....

An ex of mine wrote this 4 years ago this month. It still brings tears to my eyes.

It is a liberating feeling, finally letting go of something you’ve held to your heart for so long.

I finally let go of her yesterday, after months of beating around the bush, I finally let go. Not even Atlas felt as good when he handed the world over to Hercules for a bit. A great weight has been taken off of my shoulders and I finally feel like I can move around again, and explore. In fact, I'm thinking of working on a cruise ship next as "the next thing to do to add to my life experiences".

Not that I left the past behind without a tinge of regret. On the contrary, my eyes were blinded by tears going through letters she’d written for me. But for the first time in my life I looked at those letters and remembered good times, and the gut wrenching feeling of wanting to go back in time was merely the tiniest echo of what it had been before. This is new to me. I have made a career out of living in the past, and this is the first time I can look back and just smile. It was a wonderful, magical love that will forever hold a place in my heart. And it comforts me that I could love someone that much, and vice versa.

But that’s over now, and life moves on. Now I’m finally moving along with it.

Monday, June 2, 2008

do you like soup?

I noticed that everytime I eat out, I always order soup. I just don't think my meal is complete without soup. It's weird no? I just have to have soup no matter how scorching hot it is outside. Is it the Chinese in me? Maybe. Is it the Pinoy in me? Probably. I just have a thing about soup.

I love mushroom soup the most but I've also taken a liking to pumpkin soup, asparagus soup, corn soup, crab soup, and well ... almost any kind of creamy soup. It's just so yummy.

What soup do you like?

Sunday, June 1, 2008

bathing in eau de parfum

I was riding the jeepney on the way to work today and my god, the smell of the girl beside me was so sickeningly sweet that I had to cover my nose in the most subtle manner I could think of or end up spewing my dinner on her. Seriously, there should be a miss manners thing on how one should dub perfume on their person. I mean, bathing in it is not acceptable no matter how expensive. Too much of anything is just that, it's too much.

Grrr ....