Sunday, July 29, 2007

all out of love

They say that when you love someone, your patience grows because you learn to give way to the idiosyncracies of that person. They say you become saintly because you learn to forgive easily. They say that you become a martyr because you would rather sacrifice yourself in favor of the other person's feelings. They say this and they say that.

They say too that true love never dies. They say that love is unconditional and that no matter how many times you get hurt, you will be able to forgive your love one and move on. What if you can't do it anymore? What if that person was able to numb you to a point where you no longer care? What if that person was able to hurt you so bad that you just don't feel anything anymore? Are you still inlove with that person then? Do you still love that person? Or has that person manage to squeeze out all the love you have for him? If yes, how could it have been love in the first place?

I know a lot would say "move on then!" Leave him! Get someone much better. If only it was that easy. If only it was as easy as packing your stuff and moving out. What if it's not? What if there are other people involved? What if there are a lot of other people who will get hurt? What if there is one perfect lil angel that would be most devastated?

What are you to do then?


Ninotchka said...
Oh man. I have no answers. Just sending you lots of love and light to hopefully see you through this tough time. If only it were enough!
at 11:49 PM

Nerina said...
girl, i know how it feels. u need to sit yourself down and ask yourself, is it love? or are u just so used to him being around that you're so attached. it is very very very easy to confuse love and attachment. and think about it, would this angel be happier in a home with 1 parent who is happy and content? or in a house where where things arent great?dont use ur angel to make u stay. to keep u together. do what u have to do to make sure your angel has the happiest life possible. whether its with 1 parent or 2. love u girl, im here for u. -nerina
at 6:40 AM

Judy Thomas said...
{{{{hugs}}}} I don't have any easy answers. You have to do what you have to do. Sometimes that means hurting other people. Sometimes that means hurting yourself while trying to hold everything together. The hard thing is... if you are hurting yourself, you're not going to be what you need to be for that precious little one. And, sometimes people can hurt you so bad, all you can do is protect yourself. Only the person involved can know how much is too much and when to call it a day. I love you.
at 9:16 AM

May said...
Kay sweetie, missed you! What's wrong? *cry* It's not clear, I can only make assumptions. I hope I'm wrong! :( It's a temporary fix, whatever it is okay? Hang in there.
at 9:37 AM

Daiz said...
Being a mom is hard enough, but raising a kid alone is a lot harder. I should know. Are things really irrepairable between you and B's dad? Maybe you could talk about it and work things out. But if being together harms your son more than it benefits him, then I guess it's time to move on. I'm sure you'll come out fine through this hard time in your life. Good luck!
at 9:45 AM

graymama said...
{{{{Hugs}}}}I think what matters most is what you say, think and feel. Listen to your heart and do what feels right.Here is one of my favorite quotes about love:"Spontaneous and honest love admits errors, hesitations, and human failings; it can be tested and repaired. Idealized love ties us because we already intuit that it is unreal and are afraid to face this truth."--Nancy Friday
at 12:34 PM

zhasha said...
am hoping that you and hubby would work it out.. you sure do have a beautiful family to keep.. don't let selfishness and pride break your happy sure you both love each other... and you equally love your lil tornado.. havin' said that, LOVE is still worth all our sacrifices.. just remember the day you first learned that you love him.. feel that same love.. then.. forgive... then love him more... from the bottom of my heart, i pray that things will all go well and perfect..hugs for you kay!!!
at 9:43 PM

Mommy Len said...
Having a family has always it's trials, be strong and think really hard before you make a decision. I know it's not easy especially when you're thinking of you li'l angel. I hope you'll make the right choice. Keep on praying and I'm sure you'll find the right answer. *hugs & prayers*
at 3:07 PM

Haze said...
i don't want to assume the worst. i can't say everything's going to be alright when i don't know the whole story. but then, as a friend, all i could give is a warm hug and a prayer for you and your angel. hang in there dear. and let's hope for the best. be strong. *big hug* to you and lil tornado.
at 4:11 PM

Heart of Rachel said...
Hi Kay. I'm sorry to read the sadness in your words. Love is always worth fighting for at some point but you will also know when it is enough.Hope everything will work out for the best. God bless.
at 9:14 PM

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

certified potterholic

I know this is silly for a Mom to be thinking of but I seriously am thinking of buying this. If my team would do well, I think I can actually get this. Hmmm ...

The listing price is $195 but Barnes & Noble has a discounted preorder of $136.50. Amazon has it for $120.

It's worth it. Seriously.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

a creed to live by

Don’t undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others, it is because we are different and that each of us is special.

Don’t let your goals be what other people deem important, only you know what’s best for you.

Don’t take for granted the things close to your heart, cling to them as you would your life for without them, life is meaningless.

Don’t let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past of for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live all the days of your life.

Don’t give up when you have something to give, nothing is really over until the moment you stopped trying.

Don’t be afraid to admit you’re less perfect, it is this fragile thread that binds us to each other.

Don’t be afraid to encounter risks, it is by taking chances that we learn to be brave.

Don’t shut love out of your life by saying it is impossible to find.The quickest way to receive love, is to give love, the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly, and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.

Don’t dismiss your dreams, to be without dreams, is to be without hope; to be without hope, is to be without a purpose.

Don’t run through life so fast that you forget not only where you’ve been, but also where you’re going.


*** I don't know who wrote this but if you can give me the name, it would be much appreciated.

Monday, July 16, 2007

overcoming fears

Just a few minutes ago, I have conquered a huge fear I've had since I was a lil girl. Yes, the kind of fear that leaves you paralyzed or has you screaming your head off like a banshee. The kind that has you imagining things or not being able to sleep simply because you know its there, waiting to jump at you the moment you start snoring.

I never thought I could do it. But I guess after giving them power over me for the past 26 years has finally taken its toll. So a few minutes ago, upon realizing that I had to leave the safety of my dreams coz I needed to pee badly and realizing that it was the only thing standing in the way, I realized I had to do it.

After 26 years, I finally killed a roach.

Vader's Mom said...
I so sorry you had to overcome THAT fear, but I'm proud of you for doing it!!!
at 7:17 AM

Mommy Len said...
I'm also scared of roaches, arggh... but sometimes when badly needed, i can kill the ones that crawl. when i saw a sign that their about to fly, i know that it's also a sign for me to run and just be a coward.
at 10:02 PM

May said...
LOL, pardon me laughing Kay.. it was jost so serious at first. Hey, hey, big leap for you, mwahuggs!
at 11:19 PM

Heart of Rachel said...
Oh my, we share the same fears Kay. I'm terrified of them! Good for you! I know how hard that must have been.
at 10:23 AM

graymama said...
Good for you :-) Sounds like my fear of spiders. EEK!
at 11:52 AM

Sunday, July 15, 2007

B's 2nd Birthday

Here's a peek to what happened. I say peek coz I don't have enough energy to do more than that. I also wanna apologize to my blog friends whom I have not visited. Rest assured its because I am drowning with too much work but I will get back in the blogosphere once things pipe down ... I think in August. So for now, show me you love me guys. Mwah!

Friday, July 13, 2007

teaching and learning

In just a day, my baby will turn 2 years old. I ask myself, what have I taught him so far? What has he learned from me? Have I been a good mother? Have I been the mother that he needs me to be? Have I spent enough quality time with him? Do I deserve to be his mother?

I think of these questions and I realize that ... though I may not be perfect (far from it actually) I have strived to be perfect for him. Though I may be lacking in patience, my patience has grown gargantually the past year. I've realized that what matters is that I am working hard to make a living for him, that I play with him when I have the energy to do so, that I know my limitations and will never again force myself to be be uppity up when I'm at ground zero, and that I make him feel loved whenever he's with me.

I've taught him that throwing a tantrum rarely works and that saying sorry via hugs and kisses are indeed effective unless the tantrum thrown was on a huge scale. Then it needs to be 100 kisses and 50 hugs. I've taught him that acceptance of mistake is important and saying "pish" is a must. I've taught him that doodling with a crayon is just as great as running around and wreaking havoc in our orderly house.

In return, I have learned that holding a grudge is really not necessary. I have learned that life is not all about work and that play is very important, if not more important, in life. I've learned to love people and accept them despite their mistakes and imperfections. I've learned not to judge and to shrug it off when I am judged. I've learned that patience is indeed a virtue when waiting for the masterpiece to be done. Lastly, I've learned that you will never know what love really is until you've held a child in your arms and realize that you will do and sacrifice everything for that child.

What have you learned in life?

Thursday, July 12, 2007

magazine addiction

Lately, I've felt the desire to lose weight. Hence, I have been buying fashion magazines that I really shouldn't be. It helps me. I don't know. I like looking at the latest trends and getting ideas on how I'll dress up for the day. So far, the results have been great. I haven't lost a significan amount of weight yet but I think I'm getting there. I also haven't been frumpy now, but more of stylish I believe. Fashion magazines have that effect on me.

Does it affect you the same way as well?

Sunday, July 8, 2007

carousel from my childhood

Tia sent me a text message telling me to check my email. This is what I saw. It really made my day ... I've been wanting one for quite some time and now I got one ... I just need to wait for it to be shipped out here but for now, I'm happy just looking at it.

I love it!

wish we were best friends again

When did life turn so complicated? We were kids and we thought the world of each other. What changed? Why did you suddenly hate me so much? why did you have to envy me? Didn't you know that I envied your life too? Yes, you. I envied you. You had so much freedom. You were able to rely on yourself and live independently. you never had to worry that your Mom and Dad would have a silly argument and decide to separate, AGAIN.

That was then though. We're a lil bit okay now. But I worry ... you're gonna be a Mom soon and I fear you're gonna think that my son is the favorite one and yours isn't. I guess it will never be okay between us. It doesn't stop me from wishing though.

I wish ... I wish we were best friends again.

my little big sister

Thursday, July 5, 2007

oh so YUMMY

If you haven't bought this magazine, I highly suggest you do. I am definitely subscribing to this magazine. Recipes are so easy to make and they are absolutely deliscious. You gotta try it. Seriously.

Monday, July 2, 2007

and I was hooked ...

I remember when I was a kid how I couldn't decide which was cooler ... Volter V, Voltron, or Transformers. Well, after seeing the new movie Transformers, Voltes V and Voltron suddenly paled in comparison. I loved it!

It was one of the coolest film I ever saw visual effects wise. It was really really really really amazing! It didn't look fake, it just looked fantastic. Never mind the cheesy plot that one kid was meant to be the savior of the world. I love the ice breaker moments and I love Bumblebee.

Whoa! I feel good ... (gotta watch it to get this line... lol!)

Have you seen the film?