Saturday, February 27, 2010

be right back

I have new work and a new apartment that needs my attention. I'll get back to you guys soon ... promise!


Tuesday, February 23, 2010

have faith little one

Last night, I found myself crying and crying and crying ... I think I cried for almost 3 hours straight. All the time I was crying, I was exchanging SMS with two people who matter to me and whom I know could set my depressed mind to where it should be.

I felt so lost and out of faith. I know that God will not forsake me but at the back of my mind was a little voice saying, "are you sure?"

I was so scared. I was scared for B and his future and what will happen to us. I was so scared of a lot of things. Thank God Vida and Arnie were both there to calm me down and set my skewed mind straight. I got my faith back and whenever I feel it wavering, I just sing the song "have faith little one ... "

Thank you Lord for sending little angels my way.

Monday, February 22, 2010

wine tasting success of my brother

Just wanna show off my brother's success. He's the one in the middle. =) Read and weep. He's only 21. Hats off bro! You can't put a good man down.
* credits for the picture goes to Rajo Laurel (a very well known fashion designer in the Philippines.)

The Charlie Schultz Philosophy

The Charlie Schultz Philosophy, the creator of the 'Peanuts' comic strip. You don't have to answer the ?s. Just ponder on them.Just read through, and u'll get the point.

1. Name 5 wealthiest people in the world.
- - Bill Gates, Oprah
2. Name 5 Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last 5 winners of the Ms America pageant.
4 Name 10 people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.
6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten.

Here's another quiz.. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
- - Gng. Gregorio, Miss Victoria, Gng Hernandez, Miss Layug, and my teacher in debate
2. Name 3 friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
- - Vida, Jacq, Jeff
3. Name 5 people who have taught you something worthwhile.
- - Arnie, Jojo, Vida, Ronald, Allan
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special!!
- - Vida, Jojo, Ronald, Arnold, Flare
5. Think of 5 people you enjoy spending time with.
- - Vida, Jojo, Ronald, Arnold, Jacq, Flare .... a lot!


The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials..the most money...or the most awards. They simply are the ones who care the most...

Sunday, February 21, 2010

happiness is a surprise citymug

here's my set back in December 2009....

plus one =p

Thank you Kate! It was a really, wonderful surprise. I am deeply touched! *HUGS*

meeting the relatives ...

It was the first time I met J's relatives and I was pleasantly surprised that they were very warm and down to earth. They made me feel welcome and I really appreciated that. I think I was the only one who was not a family member but I didn't feel too ill at ease because they were very hospitable and thoughtful.

The baby who was to be J's goddaughter was uber cute and had a head ful of hair. A lot of hair. The ceremony was very simple but you could feel how the entire clan was there to support the baby and you know that when that baby grows up, she will definitely have a family who will be there for her. It was touching.

I'm glad I was able to attend and get to know them. Thanks guys! =)

Friday, February 19, 2010

B got a haircut!

In fairness, he did NOT make a fuss at all. =)

happiness is a chocolate cupcake

I went to Mom and Tina's pretty recently and fell in love with their chocolate cupcake. It is oh so yummy! I swear! One bite and it is chocolate heaven ... so utterly good. Above is a picture I took of their cupcake and it is just so rich that the entire thing probably went straight to my hips but I don't care. Lol. Thank God J likes me the way I am. Hehe ...

Happiness ...

Thursday, February 18, 2010

surprise! its family!

Yesterday, I received a wonderful surprise. My Aunt Ely and two cousins were apparently in town because they would be attending the wedding of my cousin (whom I did not even know was getting married LOL) and they decided to stop by our house before heading to the destination.
I was really happy coz the last time I saw them was back in 2008 (early part) and its been a while now. Also, they're family so DUH!
We caught up and chatted the afternoon away. Damn ... its times like this that I am grateful for them. =p

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

falling out with the banana split

J loves banana splits. He loves them, a lot. When we go out and eat out, he would look at the dessert section and if there is a banana split, more likely than not, he would order it.

I grew up reading Sweet Valley and the banana split was always mentioned. Archie comics would always mention it as well. I used to fantasize about this dessert and imagine it to be something really nice and awesome.

The first time I ordered one for myself, I was 19 I think. I had enough allowance on me that I didn't flinch when i saw it was around Php120. I thought, pretty fancy dessert and my expectations were set way way higher.

So there I was, all giggly and excited, fantasizing about something wonderful. And then, there it was. My heart dropped. I remember thinking, this is it?!?!?! This is what the fuss is all about?

OMG! (actually it was more WTF!)

It was just a banana split in half and then placed in the middle were 3 scoops of ice cream with whipped cream and some nuts and cherry. I didn't get it. What was so fascinating about it that all the characters in Sweet Valley and Archie seemed gung ho on it?

I was depressed. I could do the same thing at home and it would cost me less and I'd be able to do a lot more. Sigh ...

Now, I refuse to order it for myself. I REFUSE! And so ... there goes the story of the end of my love affair with the banana split. =(

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

17th month ...

buy one take one pizza for only P199
eat all you can pasta for only P149
the drink ... lol

Monday, February 8, 2010

happiness is ....

Newly sharpened pencils ... they smell so good ... and they are just there ready to be used. I love newly sharpened pencils. I just finished these 10 in the picture.

what is it you really want to do?

I want to write ... I want to be able to express my thoughts while watching people create art through scrapbooks, cross stitching, and drawings. I want to be able to convey my words in a way that people will remember them and be drawn. I want have a huge desk where I will have a huge corkboard for all my ideas and inspiration, hot cup of coffee in hand, and while away typing at my laptop.

I want to write.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

fallen idol

Goodbye my idol ... it was a long, wonderful, painful journey ...

For 29 years you were there for me even when I thought I didn't need you ... you kept me strong, you helped me survive the toughest times .... I believed in you. I believed in everything that you said, that you told me.

You told me that I could be strong, that I don't need a man in my life, that I am better on my own.You taught me that family comes first ... and that a mother can never quit on being a Mom. Once a Mom, forever a Mom.

You told me that you believe in us, that you were thankful to have us ... and that no matter what, you'd rather be poor than go back to an abusive man who does nothing but use you, insult you, belittle you, and humiliate you. He does not appreciate you my idol. I thought you knew that and accepted that.

It has been a financial struggle the last 2 years or so but we got by. I had plans ... major ones for you because I wanted you to have the best, or at least the best of what I was capable of giving. I truly believed you when you said that you may not be rich anymore but you at least have peace of mind which is more important.

What happened? Why did you fall from grace? Why did you turn your back on me and threw into my face whatever help I was able to give? Yes, it was only a small amount compared to what you will be getting from him but that money was from my hard work, sweat, and tears. I gave that out of love. There was no need to hurtle it back to my face.

One meeting and the world tilted. The antagonist is now the protagonist and the poor stupid daughter is suddenly the enemy. Do I really deserve that? I don't think so, but things are that way now.

I only cared about you. I worry about you. I do not want you to get hurt ... to be insulted once more ... to be rejected and humiliated ... to be left wanting and needing but still ignored.

You have fallen my idol. You have fallen far beneath where you were and I don't know if you can ever be up again. I worry that where you have landed, there is no getting up ... and that right now, you seemed to have fallen on your feet but eventually, the cracks inside will show and you will just crumble to the ground.

Most of all, I worry that I may no longer find it in my heart to forgive you for what you did to me. I have been there for you when you needed me most and now that you have what you think your hearts desire, you just turned your back on me. Just like that.

Goodbye my fallen idol. Thank you for teaching me the things that I will never do to my son. Thank you for showing me that you don't need me any more. Now, I can start my own life without guilt. I just really hope he's changed and that he knows what you are worth because I really don't know any more if I can still extend a hand to help you out of the hell hole you are in.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Thursday, February 4, 2010

comfort food is Starbucks

This is one of my newest favorite at Starbucks. Honey Orange Mocha and Southern Lime chicken and Roasted Corn Wrap.

This one is cooked just right. It's not over the top and it's filling for a small sandwich. 

Can you say yumm-o? Sigh ... I am in heaven.

a virgin once again

The first time is always memorable. First love, first kiss, first heartbreak, first date, first job, first crush, first salary. Everyone remembers the first though not all relish it.

I am about to go through another first. In a few weeks time, I will be living on my own (of course my son is going to be with me but you get my drift.) I will be solely responsible for the rent, the electricity, the water bill, phone bill, dsl, cable, et al. I will be officially welcomed to the world of grown ups and see my name on a billing statement for the first time (credit cards don't really count LOL!)

I feel like a virgin all over again. LOL!

It's scary but exciting. I know that I can make it but its that first step that kinda wigs me out. I'm so thankful for the people around me who have been continuously cheering me on, telling me that I can do it. Thanks Vida, Flare, Arnie, and of course J. And thanks to my brothers who in their own ways are always there.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

the view in my office

B's work of art. Wonderful and inspirational!

sorry, love, and happiness

that is love right there and happiness ....
this box of doughnuts is happiness
this is support and love from Arnie
and this? this is an apology and a show of love from J ...

It's the small things in life that matters ... not thousands of pesos ... its enjoying the small blessings and being content with what God gave you ...

Monday, February 1, 2010

I am not superwoman.

Since I was a child, I've heard people say that I was weak. People said I was too pampered, sheltered, and that I would never survive the harsh realities of life. I rely on my Mom and I rely on people. I'm immature and I'm childish. I am this and I am that.

I was weak. I was pampered. I was sheltered. I thought I would never survive the harsh realities of life. I relied on my Mom and I relied on people. I was immature and I was childish. I was this and I was that.

Keyword is was.

Recent events had me thinking and I realized, somewhere between leaving home the first time, getting involved in an abusive relationship, becoming dirt poor that I had to pawn all jewelries to make ends meet and have food on the table, bringing my son into this world, and falling apart ... I have changed. Somewhere along the way, I became someone strong. Yes, strong.

Deep inside, I now know that I can do things that I never thought I could. I am no longer afraid of doing things that would have sent me over the edge before. I now have that inner strength I used to covet.

I'm a slightly better person with room for improvement. For my son, I now know that I can be strong and I will be strong. He needs me. Somewhere in this world, I have a son who relies only on Mommy and for him, Mommy will be strong and Mommy will survive this new storm brewing in.

Hurtful things were said and heard accidentally .... and from those hurts, I will get my strength. I've been on ground zero before. I've raised myself from that place. I know I can survive; if not for my son but for myself.

I may not be superwoman but I can be super me.