Friday, September 29, 2017

opposites attract

Teach me how to be insensitive
I'll teach you how to feel

Show me how not to love
I'll show you how to love for real

Tell me it's over
I'll show you it's just the beginning.

We are not the same
and never we will be
For I will always be in love with you
and you not with me.

Monday, September 25, 2017

when you just love ...

I recently spoke to someone I used to love. My love for him was different. I had to own him. I had to have him. My love for him was selfish ... he was either mine or I wished he would go to hell. He had to be with me all the time and I needed to have his sole attention all on me.

My love for him wasn't real. It was a love borne out of a need to have his attention, focus, and love all on me. I loved him because I needed him. I needed him to validate myself. I needed him to feel good about myself. I needed him to love me.

I didn't love him. I thought I did but looking back, I realized that I didn't really love him. When you love someone, you want what is best for that person. You want what is good for that person. You want good things and only good things. You want them to grow, to mature, to learn from their mistakes.

You want what is best for them, even when it isn't you.

My Mom asked me last week, "are you in love with him?"

I told her I didn't know. All I knew was that I wanted everything good for him. I wanted the world to know him. I wanted the world to know his ideas because they are ideas worth knowing. I wanted the world to know who he is ... to speak his name in a good way ... because he changed the world.

He wants to change the world.

I wanted him to break his walls so he will know what it's really like to let people in. Yes, it will hurt but it will also be glorious. He will know what it's like to truly love and be loved for real in return. He will know what its like to have someone care and be concerned, not in a superficial manner but in the truest sense of the word.

I wanted him to be better. To know when he is wrong and say I'm sorry when he hurts someone. To apologize without being forced. To know when his words have caused a thousand pains and to know when to stop. To know when to make the first move and simply swallow his pride.

He is not perfect. He is far from perfect and so am I. He has hurt me and I have hurt him. For a friendship, what we have has been pretty intense but it was real. Or so I thought.

We have been fighting for 2 weeks straight and on my end, I have said many hurtful words. I did it because I was hurt as well. He said I had to make amends but apparently, my idea of making amends did not coincide with his idea of making amends and so here we are, at a standstill.

I told him I'll just stay away and wait for him to be ready to be friends with me again. I wish I could read his mind so that I know what it is he wanted me to do to make amends. I just really wanna make amends.

I wish I was like the sun though. It would have been so much better. If he would let me, I would like to be the sun.

For now ...

of cats and dogs

I read somewhere that people who want to be loved have dogs because dogs give unconditional love. You can leave them the whole day and when you get back, they would still be there, happy to see you and even grateful that you are back.

People who have so much love to give on the other hand love cats because cats never want love. They accept love at times because they love to be doted on but they never demand nor give love. They are just there, tolerating humans but never demanding or giving love. When they do though, when they purr beside you and sit on your lap, you feel like you just won the lottery.

I am the dog that loved uncondonditionally. I gave and gave. I kept wanting to leave but I couldn't. I was fiercely loyal and I couldn't stay away. I ran after him like crazy. I stayed on the side waiting for him to give me an ounce of attention. When he did, I would jump up and down with joy, so happy he finally noticed me again until he didn't. Then I waited again.

He is the cat. Sometimes, he accepted my love but most of the time, he just let me love him. He would let me take care of him and he would tolerate my presence. Sometimes, he would purr beside me and allow me to touch him ... to hold him in my arms for a few seconds before realizing that I was a human who shouldn't be touching him.

He's a dog person who needed to be loved and I am a cat person who had so much love to give. For a few moments, he let me in his life and I reveled in it. I didn't know that it would be fleeting. I didn't realize that I was simply being tolerated.

I thought we were friends. I thought I mattered. Yesterday, I realized that I didn't ... not at all ... not in any way or form. I reached out and gave it my all and everything was thrown back to my face. I am not perfect but the way I was treated, it was like I wasn't even human. Sadly, he probably doesn't even realize what he did or if he did, like what he said, he doesn't care about my feelings at all.

I'm not okay. I don't know when I will be but eventually, I will be. I just don't know when. This is what happens when a cat loves a dog. It doesn't work. Cats and dogs, they are never meant to be together.

They are not meant to break each other's hearts.

Saturday, September 16, 2017

last night in Kota Kinabalu

Sometimes, fate can really be cruel.

The original plan was for D and I to recreate epic eats but our visit to Shangri La derailed it when we were served a huge bowl of Laksa. D ended up eating 4 bowls of laksa and couldn't eat any more. Since it was a rollercoaster ride the last 5 days, he just wanted to sleep and I took it as my chance to catch up on work.

D went to bed and I went to Nook. On my way, a friend of mine encouraged me to meet a local and I thought, why not? It was my last night in this country and what better way to cap the trip than by having a conversation with a local over teh tarik?

So I went online and chanced upon a guy whom we shall call N. We started talking and eventually ended up agreeing to having coffee. However, he would come 2 hours later which was actually perfect coz as mentioned, I wanted to work and enjoy my Chai Tea Latte.

So there I was 2 hours into writing and updating things when I realized there was a guy standing across where I was seated. I looked up, saw he had a huge smile on his face, and I couldn't help but smile back. However, he seemed familiar which finally jolted me out of whatever work trance I was in and I realized it was N, in the flesh, right across where I was.

Apparently, instead of picking me up as agreed on, he decided to come inside Nook Cafe and have a little chat. I actually appreciated this move because it helped me be more at ease with him. It also gave me enough time to gauge if he was a serial killer or not.

After an hour or so, we went and had dinner at D'Place Kota Kinabalu and this was the first thing that I saw.

Eeeekkk! They have live silkworms. Yes, the gooey juicy kind which was really disgusting. I mean they looked kinda cute but really disgusting if you were to eat them. Come on, they're so fat and they would most likely squirm. Thankfully, we did not have them for dinner so these silkworms were all very much alive when I left KK.

Afterwards, I really thought he was going to bring me home but lo and behold, he took me to The Observatory to see the entire KK from a bird's eye pov.

N laughs a lot. It was a welcome change. He seemed so open and so welcoming of the world. He laughed at the littlest things and he just had a constant smile on his face. It didn't hurt that his accent was also cute and endearing.

I enjoyed telling him about myself, my life, my work, and my struggles. He seemed interested, like real actual interest. I felt myself opening up perhaps because I thought, this one's just like the movies. We meet, we click, we have a moment, and then we part ways and never see each other again.

Come on, this night had the hallmark of being just that. I was flying back home and he lives in KK. I thought to myself: "just enjoy the night and go with the flow." So I did.

We went to the beach afterwards. It seems in KK, you can literally get to the beach in 10 minutes and you are allowed to be on the beach and just walk even at 11pm. In fact, there's still a market semi-open for those who go in at this late an hour.

So we did. Earlier, it was a Before Sunrise moment, and now it was a famous scene in romantic flicks where two people just walk on the beach at night and talk.

And talk we did. We talked and laughed, laughed and talked. It was easy. There was hardly any effort to keep the conversation going. He was just light. There was no need to gauge his moods. I could just chatter on and be okay. I didn't have to be careful what I say.

It was heaven.

Afterwards, he took me a hidden spot where we can watch planes come and go. Again, another surreal situation that just happens in the movies. I gotta say that this guy just knew where to take the ladies. I was impressed.

Finally, the night ended. Did I want it to end? No but it had to. It was perfect the way it was and in my head, it had to end there. 

N had other plans. 

The next day, he actually woke early enough to fetch D and I, have breakfast, and take us to the airport. Effort much? 

This is the story of N, a guy I met on my last night in Kota Kinabalu. For now, I will treat him like a fond memory of a night where I was reminded what it felt like to be wooed, dined, and wined so to speak. He reminded me that romantic scenes in movies existed for a reason; that they are based on real life events. He also reminded me that heartbreaking songs existed for a reason: that you could meet a great guy then move thousands of miles away the very next day.

Sometimes, fate can really be cruel.

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Sunday, September 10, 2017

Epic Eats and Kota Kinabalu Coffee Series

Post for Day 1 is here.

Upon waking up today, the first thing I read on my phone was a message from a friend telling me to eat at Yee Fung which was amazing because last night, I made the decision to eat at this exact place since it was touted by Google as having the best Laksa. With 309 reviews and a 4.5stars rating, I was pretty excited to have a go at it. After reading the recommendation from my friend, I was even more excited.

D and I booked an Uber which cost only 7RM and when we got to Yee Fung, it was FILLED WITH HOOMANS. Eeekkk. The good thing about it is that it validated all the claims we have gotten so far. The bad thing is that we might have to wait to be seated but because we were okay with sharing a table, we were immediately seated.

While we were waiting for our food, we saw a woman mixing the drink and it was such a beautiful sight to see because she looked so graceful doing it. She was also quite nice because she "performed" a mix for me to video properly.

We ordered the Yee Fung Laksa (Small is 8RM and Big is 9RM) and the Teh Tarik Ping and Teh Maderas Ping which is 3.50RM for the cold one. I must say that I fully understood what the fuss was. The Yee Fung Laksa was refreshing. You can taste the cilantro and the spiciness is smooth and makes you want to eat more, not hot that it burns your mouth. I actually regret ordering the small version because I completely finished off my small bowl. The entire meal costs 24RM.or Php288.

Afterwards, we walked around and chanced upon an area filled with pigeons. It seems that the pigeons in Kota Kinabalu are not made into food because they had no fear of humans. I took this chance of having a photo with these birds and voila.

There was a store there that sold "premium" items and I got duped. The flavored lollipops showed a price of 2.50RM and so I bought 5 packs. It turned out that the price was actually 19RM and it cost me 99RM for 5 packs of lollipop or Php1,188. FML. I totally hated the old women selling inside. This bunch of lollipops better be worth it. UGH.

Afterwards, we walked more and looked for a coffee shop. Thankfully, a girl in an egette cafe recommended Nook Cafe. Nook Cafe is located at 8 Jalan Dewan and turned out to be a 3rd wave coffee shop which D loves. I, on the other hand, felt a bit more adventurous so I ordered the Hot Chai Tea Latte. This turned out to be a really good decision because Nook Cafe is not just a 3rd wave coffee shop but also makes the best chai tea latte this side of the world. It was just sooooo good. I don't know if any of the chai tea latte at home will ever compare because this was just too good.

D ordered the Long Black which he absolutely loved. It cost only 8RM while my Chai Tea costs 13RM. Total costs was 21RM or Php252. 

Afterwards, we crossed the street to try Tempurung Ice Cream. Their Pandan Coconut Ice Cream (13RM but this comes with taxes so it ended as 14.30RM) was so creamy and the coconut water refreshing. We also got to have our photo taken at their instagrammable wall. Don't we look cute? Total meal here cost 14.30RM or PHp171.60. 

 Afterwards, we walked a bit more and took a lot of photos since there were many touristy spots and instagrammable walls. This was when we saw Suria Sabah Shopping Mall. It was a good thing that we entered this place because as soon as we stepped inside, heavy rains started to fall.

Their mall is the same as the malls in the Philippines. What makes it different is the amount of homegrown products that are being sold left and right at really affordable prices. In Manila, you won't see a lot of local products inside a mall. In Kota Kinabalu, you can feel their pride and I have to say that I felt envious.

I did see an interesting kiosk in the middle and the reason that it caught my eye was because it said Cow Dung Tart. I ordered the original cow dung tart which cost 4.80RM and the Durian one which was 6.80RM. We paired this with the Lemon Red Jade Tea which cost 5.80 RM. Total meal cost 17.40RM or Php209. 

Afterwards, we went off to eat at Kedai Kopi Kun Hin which has been open since 1896 and serves the best Beef and Chicken Satay. One stick costs .60RM and we ordered 20 sticks. It was really good though I have come to realize that I prefer beef over chicken satay. 20 sticks cost 12RM or Php144. 

Last stop of the night for epic eats was Sin Kee Bah Kut Teh. This was a surprise because D hates pork and yet he actually agreed to eat there where it was all pork and chicken feet which he also is not a fan of. Surprisingly, D LOVED IT.

We had the Bah Kut Teh which was 12.70RM for the small one, Dry Bah Kut Teh which was 13.70RM, Chicken Feet which was 11.70RM and the Tea with Milk 3.70RM and Barley at the same price. Total cost for the meal was 48RM or Php576 which is as of date, our most expensive meal but totally worth the price.

The Bah Kut Teh soup was so rich in taste, the meat cooked just right. The Dry Bah Kut Teh had it's own personality. It had okra bits and as much as I am an okra lover, this was one okra I was more than happy to eat because of how it was cooked. The chicken feet is the nearest to how my Mom cooks chicken feet, soft and almost falling off the bone. This was our most expensive meal and one of the most filling.

Finally, we ended the night at Le Meridien were we had their Signature Chocolate Eclair which was too good. Tip: after 6pm, this eclair sells for 5RM instead of 10RM. The drinks here were so-so though and quite pricey at 11.32RM each which led to this night cap costing 34RM or Php408 but hello, it's Le Meridien.

Day 2 here in Kota has been one great food after another. I wonder what Day 3 has in store? Follow me on IG and Twitter too so you can see ATM posts. My handle is @mskathykenny

Total cost for the day including the Uber ride home which cost 6RM and Coffee Sachet costing 14RM is 296.70RM or Php3560.40 bless those old women scammers.

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Friday, September 8, 2017

first impressions about Kota Kinabalu

I have been to Malaysia last April but that was in Kuala Lumpur. You can read about that trip here and here. For this trip to Malaysia though, fate led me to Kota Kinabalu. Initially I was apprehensive because I was told that Kota was all about beaches and I really am not a super fan of the beach.

Resorts yes, beach per se, not quite.

First impressions. The airport is not as impressive as the one’s in Kuala Lumpur and we got lost a little bit and almost ended up going straight back to Manila. Thankfully, we were directed to the right direction and we breezed through Immigration without a hitch. Note that you are not allowed to take photos and videos in the immigration area.

DO NOT TAKE A CAB. Cabs have a fixed rate of 45RM and Uber or Grab will cost you 15RM at most going to the city. Make sure also that you get in the right car because there are private cars that pose as your Uber and then make you pay 4x the fixed fare you were supposed to pay.

Kota feels a lot like Manila. It is a combination of the old and the new but what makes it different is that the buildings here are far more impressive and OOTD worthy. They have areas that look like a “slum” but this is immediately countered by a pretty temple or an imposing building with a pretty design.

Kota is also a Muslim country so just make sure to not wear something too revealing. You are a visitor in their country, learn to respect and abide by their beliefs. You are not asked to cover yourself entirely but do not show too much skin. You are a tourist, not a girl in a bar looking for a man to hook up with.

After we checked in, off we went to Choice Restaurant which is open 24 hours. This is a Malay and Indian restaurant. We tried out the Nasi Biryani Aram (chicken) and the Mee Goreng Seafood which is a noodle dish. D and I were very excited because we had high expectations on the authenticity of the dishes.


Would you believe that a cold The Tarik costs only 2.50RM and the Nasi Biryani is 12.50RM while the Mee Goreng is 7.50RM. Overall, our entire meal cos only 25RM. In pesos, Php300. The Nasi Biryani had 2 big pieces of chicken hidden underneath plus a lot of rice. It was actually good for 2 people. SULIT!

Afterwards, we walked towards Old Town White Coffee. I really wanted to have D try out the Teh 
Tarik which I loved. However, he ordered the black coffee (4.70RM) which turned out to be the blackest coffee he’s ever seen. Apparently, the Malaysians take their black coffee very seriously. I got my Upsized Teh Tarik (5.40RM) and he had a sip or two or three and fell in love with it.

I sneaked in an order of Peanut Butter Toast which was only 2.40RM I really love their peanut butter toast because they don’t scrimp on the peanut butter they spread on the sandwich. It is so rich in flavor that any peanut butter lover should try it. Overall cost for this, 12.50RM. In pesos, Php150.

Finally, we went walking and then chanced upon Green Mug Cheese Coffee. Cheese WITH coffee? Of course we had to try it and guess what? It actually worked! YES! It tasted good because the cream cheese complemented the coffee. This one cost 7.9RM. In pesos, Php95.

Last stop of the day was Sinsuran Night Market since it was the one that was within walking distance. We came too early and ended up visiting the side stores instead. I bought a Hello Kitty pin for my Mom which was 10RM, a turquoise ring which cost 30RM and a woven bag worth 30RM which in Manila would normally cost Php2500. Overall, these three items cost only Php840 or 70RM. As for the Uber rides, total damage was 39.50RM or Php474 and these were 3 rides already.

I also bought a couple of chips to munch on for the night which cost 20RM coz I bought quite a lot. In pesos, Php240. Overall, I spent 175RM for everything today. That is PHp2,100 for everything. 2 restaurants, a drink, shopping, snacks, and Uber rides. Not bad for a day spent eating and shopping around Kota Kinabalu.

 Tomorrow will be Day 2. I wonder what new adventure awaits?