Tuesday, September 30, 2008


Its the silence that tells it all.
Sometimes its not about the yelling and the tears.
All it takes is for two people
to sit beside each other and feel
that something is wrong;
that what was there
isn't there now.

That they're miserable
when they're apart
but they're much worse
when they are together.

And that there's only two options left.
Either they sit still
and ignore the pain
or ....
one of them gathers enough courage
to stand up and walk away.

3rd level of hell

I took this test. I am guilty of consumming in excess. I am insatiable.

In the third circle, you find yourself amidst eternal rain, maledict, cold, and heavy. The gluttons are punished here, lying in the filthy mixture of shadows and of putrid water. Because you consumed in excess, you meet your fate beneath the cold, dirty rain, amidst the other souls that there lay unhappily in the stinking mud. Cerebus, a canine monster cruel and uncouth with his three heads and red eyes, dwells in this level. He growls and tears at the damned with his teeth and claws.

Monday, September 29, 2008

newest addiction: airsoft

So here I am in my newest addicition. Airsoft. Second person on the left is yours truly. This was a scenario we were playing. Hunter hunted I believe. It was so cool I got hit several times and it did sting but it was so worth it. Relieves stress and it was so much fun; running around and shooting people.

Salamat mga tsong!

Sunday, September 28, 2008

updated desk and a watch

I've rearranged my desk and received a new watch. Pretty good Saturday if I may say so.

Friday, September 26, 2008

paranoid much?

I remember when I was a kid, I was never one to have that devil may care attitude. Sure, I would climb a tree and fall down and scrape my knees but I was never one to think that I would live forever. I think having overprotective parents really did me in. They would always be saying things like, "what if you hurt yourself? what if this? what if that?" You get my drift.

Lately though, I have been more paranoid than normal. I keep wondering why things seem to be at a steady pace. Mind you, I did not say peachy but steady. Things seem to be at a lull and I just keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. Is that even the right phrase? Oh well.

So there. I feel like something big is about to happen and it will be like a tsunami that will just sweep me away and it would pretty much take a lot for me to recover from it. Of course, I could be just being a lil bit melodramatic but that's how I feel right now. It's like I am standing on the edge of a cliff with only one foot balancing me. I am no good at balancing.

Wonder what will happen?

dance with me, my sweet

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While youre far away dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure

Dont want to close my eyes
I dont want to fall asleep
Cause Id miss you baby
And I dont want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
Id still miss you baby
And I dont want to miss a thing

Lying close to you feeling your heart beating
And Im wondering what youre dreaming
Wondering if its me youre seeing
Then I kiss your eyes
And thank God were together
I just want to stay with you in this moment forever
Forever and ever

Dont want to close my eyes
I dont want to fall asleep
Cause Id miss you baby
And I dont want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
Id still miss you baby
And I dont want to miss a thing

I dont want to miss one smile
I dont want to miss one kiss
I just want to be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just want to hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

do I make you feel?

Do I make you feel
how much I want to be with you
touch you
hold you
kiss you
be there with you?

Do I make you feel
the love I have in me
reaching fever pitch.

Do I make you feel
the passion you invoke in me
the love
the wanting
the emotions I have for you.

I hope I do ...
I hope I don't.

don't let go

Don't let go of something you cannot bear to be seen held by others.
Don't hold on to something you know you will let go.
Don't hold on to something when you know it is already held by someone else.
Lastly ...
Do not hold on to something when you already are holding someone else's hand.

It's really hard letting go of something you've held on to dearly for the last few years. You know what's harder though? Realizing that all the timey you were holding his hand, someone else was holding on the other one. Now that my dear, is the real sad story.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

what have I done?

Place an X by all the things you've done.This is for your entire life

1. (X) smoked a cigarette

2. (X) drank so much you threw up.

3. ( ) Crashed a friend's car

4. ( ) Stolen a car/ or been in a stolen car

5. (X) been in love

6. (X) been dumped...

7. (x) Shoplifted

8. ( ) been laid off/fired

9. (X) quit your job

10. (X) been in a fist fight

11. ( ) Snuck out of your parent's house....

12. (X) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.

13. ( ) Been arrested

14. (X) Gone on a blind date

15. (X) Lied to a friend

16. (X) Skipped school

17. ( ) Seen someone die.

18. ( ) Been to Canada

19. ( ) Been to Mexico

20. (X) been on a plane

21. (X) been lost

22. ( ) Been on the opposite side of the country

23. ( ) Gone to Washington....

24. (X) Swam in the ocean

25. (X) Felt like dying

26. (x) Cried yourself to sleep

27. (X) Played cops and robbers

28. (x) Recently coloured with crayons

29. (X) Sang karaoke

30. (X) Paid for a meal with only coins

31. (X) done something you told yourself you wouldn't

32. (X) made prank phone calls...

33. (X) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose

34. ( ) Caught a snowflake on your tongue

35. (X) Danced in the rain

36. (X) Written a letter to Santa Claus

37. ( ) Been kissed under the mistletoe

38. (X) watched the sun rise with someone you care about

39. (X) Blown bubbles

40. (X) made a bonfire on the beach

41. (x) Crashed a party....

42. ( ) Gone roller-skating

43. ( ) Ice-skating

43 ( ) Skinny dipped.

43 (X) did something illegal?

43 (X) Broke a BIG rule, but didn?t get caught!

44. Any nicknames? Dakoykoy, Kenkoy

45. Mother's name? Marylou

46. What is your favourite drink? fruit shakes

47. Tattoos? Nope

48. Body piercing? Nope

49. How much do you love your job? 70/30

51. Favourite holiday spot? Tagaytay

52. Ever been to Africa? nope

53. Ever steal any traffic signs? Yes

54. Ever been in a car accident? Yes

56. 2 Door or 4 Doors? 4

57. Salad dressing? NONE!

58. Favourite pie? eggpie

59. Favourite number? 7

60. Favourite movie? Dirty Dancing

61 Favourite holidays? Christmas

62. Favourite food? seafood

63. Favourite day of the week? Sunday

64. Favourite brand of body soap? Safeguard

65. Favourite TV show? One Tree Hill, Bones, CSI, America's Next Top Model, Profiler, Cold Cases, Beauty and the Geek

66. Toothpaste? Close Up

67. Favourite smell? hot steaming chocolate, my lil tornado

68. What do you do to relax? cross stitch, blog, scrapbook

69. Message to your friends reading this? Do this so I can learn more about you and leave a link

70. How do you see yourself in 10 year? fulfilled

71. What do you do when you are bored? blog, read a book, cross stitch, eat

72. Furthest place you will send this message? far end of the earth, Iceland I think ... that's what it said on the Clustrmap

73. Who will respond the fastest? hmm ... toss between Miss Suzy, GrayMama, and Vader's Mom

74. Least likely to respond? AMN peeps

75. What time is it now? 12 noon

Monday, September 22, 2008

if I was a guy ...

I've been talking to someone and discussing what's the sweetest thing someone can do for a love one? At one point, the other person said that what I have in mind was corny. My take was that it was extremely romantic. I then said, if I was a guy, my girl or wife would be so lucky.

So here goes. If I was a guy, I would ....

1) dance with my girl in the rain
2) give her butterfly kisses on her face and with each one, tell her I love her
3) make love to her in a room full of candles
4) make love to her in a bed of rose petals ... overflowing with rose petals
5) give her flowers at least once a month ... random dates ... so that she knows she will get one but not when ...
6) write her a love letter
7) have her picture charcoal painted
8) still ask her out if I wanna watch a movie with her or go out to dinner especially if its somewhere fancy
9) compliment her on something everytime we see each other
10) tell her "mahal kita" because its corny and its sweet

Sunday, September 21, 2008

maybe ...

Maybe its because I can relate.
Maybe its because I'm feeling raw right now.
Maybe its because some scab got scraped and there is a bit of bleeding happening.
Maybe, maybe its something.
Hopefully, its nothing.

Image owned by Chris Crozz.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

my love will die

The love I felt for you
Is still a burning torch
But I know that as time passes by
It will be but a flickering candlelight.

The love I gave to you
Is one that can't be forgotten
But I know that as time passe by
It will slowly be lost in memory.

The love I have for you
Is still strong and alive
But I know that with everything that happened
My love for you will die.

*something I wrote almost 10 years ago.

Friday, September 19, 2008

letter to heaven

Dear Mark,

Hey there! How's heaven? Masaya ba? I hope so. I need to know that there is something to look forward to at the end of the tunnel. Asa naman ako diba na dyan ang bagsak ko? Hehe. I hope so. I haven't been the nicest person pero I try to be naman. That's what matters right?

Anyway, ang tagal na kita gusto sulatan e. Sabi kasi nila you would know what's happening with me kasi nga angel ka na ngayon. So alam mo what's happening with me. I haven't been good. Not for the longest time. Pero diba nga sabi mo magaling akong artista e. Akala ng marami okay ako. Okay naman ako e. Minsan lang sumesemplang. Parang ngayon. Umiiyak na naman ako.

Bakit ganon? Bakit hanggang ngayon masakit pa rin? Bakit nasasaktan pa rin ako? Bakit sya okay na? Bakit Mark? Kelan ba to mawawala talaga? Why does he still have the power to hurt me? Why don't I have that power over him? Why is he okay? Why am I not?

Help me naman o. I don't want to hurt anymore. I'm tired of hurting. I really am. I just want this over and done with. Please. Is that too much to ask? Is it?

coffee partnership

You ever met someone and you know that you will just click? You ever met anyone who makes you feel super comfortable and you know there's no need for you to pipe down and pretend to be something that you're not. You ever had a friend where you can just be touchy feely and know that he doesn't think you're too forward or a slut for being that way?

I have a friend like that and I'm really happy to have this person in my life. I can just be me with this person. I can just be Kay who is feisty and kooky; who is conyo and maarte, who is kikay and girly. I don't need to pipe down when I have comments to make, I don't need to lie low so to speak because the other person might think I'm too high maintenance.

This person, he sees me as normal. And I'm glad. It feels good to be normal once in a while.

Thank you my friend.

our kitchen

I love how spacious it is. I love that I can move around and do my thing ... dancing and singing while cooking. I just need to cook more.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

in a relationship

When I was 15, I had my first boyfriend. This was a serious relationship mind you eventhough we were both only 15. He was always at my place since we were not allowed to date and one of the things I remember most about him was that he asked me this one question that none of the guys who got with me ever asked.

What do you want in a relationship?

It was such a simple question but it really defined how our relationship went. I think it actually helped make that relationship last for almost two years. We defined what we wanted in a relationship and what we did not want. We defined how things were going to be. I remember setting a lot of "don't do this" and "don't do that." I've realized now that I was very immature and very insecure.

Nowadays, I have an entirely different list in mind for what I want in a relationship. I yearn for different things than I did over 13 years ago. I know better now and I hope that I have learned the lessons I am supposed to.

What do you want in a relationship?

I want to be in a relationship and at the same time still have the freedom that I enjoy. I know my limits and I won't cross it unless I am forced into a corner with so many restrictions. I am the type of girl that if you put too many rules on me, I will still follow and adhere coz I love you but slowly, I will resent you for it.

I want to be in a relationship where I will feel secure. I want to be able to not hear from you for the next 10 hours and not worry that maybe you were with someone else already. I want to be assured and reassured when I ask for it, most especially when I don't.

I want to be babied and taken cared of but at the same time, allow me to baby you because I'm just built that way. I buy food you've never tried, I get things I know that you like, and will wipe the sweat off your face because thats how I am. I want to complete your collection (whatever it is) because I know it will make you happy. In return, it would be really nice if you would get me cotton candy or things I like sometimes. I'm very easy to please.

I want to be in a relationship where I can be myself and yet improve who I am as well. I want you to feel secure and happy with me, and I want to feel that you are proud to be with me. I want to know that you want what's best for me, for you and what's best for us.

I want you to be jealous from time to time so that I would know you don't want to lose me. At the same time, I want to know that you trust me. I want to feel treasured and loved.

In return ...

I will make you feel like you are the most loved guy on earth. I will make you feel that you can do anything you want and I will be there at your back all the way. I will let you go on your boys night because I know you need to. I will let you go to bars and ogle girls. Note, ogle, not touch, kiss, or have sex with. I will get your boys magazine for you and even read them with you. I will be your fantasy and if I can make it happen, I'll fulfill your fantasy.

Just love me. That's all I ask. That's all I want.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

miles of affection

For some reason, these two cards deeply touched me when I read them. The first one I felt could have been written by me. The second one is something that I wished someone would tell me and mean at the same time. Not just lip service, not just bs.

I feel sad. Really sad.

chocolates galore

Family said it tasted good. Didn't get a single bite.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Is it over?

Is it over, are you really over her
Is it over, or will you take her back again
If it's over you can let her memory in
Come on over, we'll let our love begin.

You say you can't count the times that she's hurt you
And she's hurt you for the last time
Now you say I'm the one that you're needing
But is the need in your heart or just in your mind.

Is it over, are you really over her
Is it over, or will you take her back again
If it's over you can let her memory in
Come on over, we'll let our love begin.

You know that I'm yours for the asking
If you're really asking, for true love
Words can't express how I want you
Oh, how I want to believe you're giving her up.

But is it over are you really over her
Is it over or will you take her back again
If it's over you can let her memory in
Come on over we'll let our love begin.

Is it over, come on over let our love begin.
Is it over...

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Love is Sacrifice.

When I was a kid and autograph books were the in thing, there would always be that certain question that fascinated me.

What is love?

There were different answers that were given and all of them at one point was true. Love is blind. Love can move mountains. Love is a rosary full of mystery. Love is God. Love is admiration. Love is sacrifice.

Love is sacrifice. I grew up my seeing my Mom embody this. She sacrificed a lot to be with my Dad and she sacrificed a lot for her family and for us. She just kept on sacrificing. At times, I admired her for it. At times, I despised her for it. At times, I pitied her. At times, I wanted to be like her. I wondered ...

Where did she get the energy to keep on going? How can she love so much when there was no one returning it, not even us, her children. We just kept getting and getting and not giving back in return. We kept demanding and she kept giving until there was nothing left to give.

Then I had a family of my own and I realized that yes, it is possible. A Mom can put up with almost everything to give what she thinks is best for her son. A Mom can put aside her own happiness to make things work. I also realized, a Mom can only do so much.

Love is sacrifice. Is it really? Shouldn't it be that if there is real love between two people, then there shouldn't be that much to sacrifice? Sure, there will be the minor things and maybe even a few major ones but if its a CONSTANT thing, then is it still love?

The past few years I felt that I kept sacrificing. Maybe its true, maybe not but this is how I feel. I kept sacrificing and saying okay to everything that I have come to a point where I don't even know if it is okay; if I really was okay. And I realized, this wasn't love anymore. I was just holding on to a dream that I had when I was a child.

There was a saying that I think I posted in here before that I believe is worthy of being reposted.

"Every relationship is worth saving. But oif you keep trying to save the relationship, then maybe it wasn't a relationship to begin with."

Saturday, September 13, 2008

AquaDoodle rocks!

He loved it. I did too. It allowed me to have 25 minutes of sheer silence. Lol!

Friday, September 12, 2008

3rd honor! Whoohoo!

My sister enjoying the fruits of her labor. She was top 3 in her batch, not just her class, but her batch. Congrats Sis! You are smart!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

balloon fever

Love the care bears. Always have, always will.

the rain, feelings of melancholy, and moments

The rain always makes me feel a little bit melancholic. I don't know why but it just does. It brings about a certain sadness and I have no idea where it stems from. Some people I know says that rain represent hope for them since it washes away pain and all the problems of the past. Some people say it reminds them of happy childhood years. For me, it just brings about desires to be sitting down beside a window all bunched up in blankets and a fuzzy jacket drinking hot chocolate with mallows on top and reminiscing about sad memories. Weird huh?

Another thought that always come to mind is cuddling with someone while the rain pours heavily. I think I've done this several times in the past with exes but never looking out a window and just plain not talking but enjoying the moment. I don't know. It's a thing that I have. I kind of want it to happen. Its on my mental closet of "moments" I guess.

Talking about moments, here are some moments that I yearn to happen to me; I know some of them you can relate to.
  • middle of the street with sweet music playing, slow dance
  • in a concert, the artists dedicates a song to me from the guy I'm with
  • 18 random people giving me 18 random small gifts all from my guy
  • getting to the office to see some Care Bears stuff toy on my desk carrying small items that I like or collect
  • winning an iPod 40GB ... that would be so cool
  • getting a basket of After 9 chocolate ... this can only be bought at Santis and its so hard to get
  • to be serenaded once more
  • dinner by candlelight with bubbles going around
  • walking down the beach during sunset
  • being lifted and twirled around ... I'm kinda tall and heavy so it would be hard ... lol!
That's all I can think of for now. What moments do you yearn for?

Monday, September 8, 2008

flower power

Pretty impressive if I may say so.

thinking too much

I was with someone yesterday and I asked this person, "what do you not like about me?" I thought he would not give out a response but he did. He said that I was a pessimist. Like everything seems negative to me now.

I found it honest because it was true but at the same time I was a bit appalled. I have always been a positive person and to hear that I am now a pessimist was a bit of a slap. I was also told that I think too much which contradicts how I actually wanna live which is carpe diem.

Sigh. What to do what to do?

Sunday, September 7, 2008

don't let me

This is something I wrote ten years ago. I am so happy to have found this leaflet that contains all my poems when I was 17 and 18. It feels like I found a missing part of me. I shall be posting them and I hope that in some ways, they will let you have a peek of who I was when I was 10 years younger.

Don't let me fall in love
Don't let me dream of you
Don't let me hope too much
Don't let me think of you.

Don't treat me as if I was special
Don't be too nice to me
Don't open the door for me
Don't always walk beside me.

Don't let me fall for you
Coz you're not gonna catch me when I do
Don't let me love you
Coz you're not gonna love me too.

** This was written for KM, a guy who led me on when I was a freshman in college. EVentually, he fell in love with me but by that time, I was in love with J, his best friend.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

sex and the city

Which of the four girls are you?

"I used to be conservative and optimistic, who places the most emphasis on emotional love as opposed to lust. Has a traditional attitude about relationships, who follows the "rules" of love and dating.

I am a career-minded individual with extremely cynical views on relationships and men. A workaholic chic who finds a way to balance career and being a mom and a soon tobe ex-wife.

I am outspoken, strong and confident with a unique sexual appetite that avoids emotional involvement right now at all costs while satisfying my physical desires.

I am someone who, despite of long-term boyfriends, is entangled with an opposite sex in a complicated, multifaceted on and off relationship before.

I am a combination of all four. As my boss would say, it would take one hell of a man to give me what I need or a bunch of average ones."

I do not fit one single mold but partake in something with each and every single one. That is what being a real woman is all about.

Friday, September 5, 2008

afternoon delight

Wouldn't you want to see this too in the afternoon? The B eating a sandwich and feeding himself on his own. He truly is grown now. Sniff sniff. Soon he won't scream Mommy with sheer happiness. Sigh.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

12 things women ought to RELEARN

Since I made that post about what men need to relearn, it is but fair to post what women need to relearn as well IMO. It's not just the guys who have forgotten some etiquette. Again, these are my opinions. If you don't agree, leave. If you want to comment, do it in a respectful manner.
  • Say thank you. Ladies, do not expect things and when it's given not say thank you. Mind your manners so that people will treat you with manners as well.
  • Do close those legs. I know that sitting like a man is the in thing nowadays but do close them. You get upset when a guy stares blatantly but really, even I would stare and try to see what you're showing if you keep opening it.
  • Do smile when someone opens the door for you or pulls out a chair. Don't make snide comments. Think: If I can't say anything nice, I will shut up.
  • Say thank you when given a compliment. Stop putting yourself down or worse, fish for more compliments. Validation is necessary at times but you were already complimented. Say thank you, smile, and walk away.
  • Do play a little hard to get. No need to lay it all out in the open just like that. If you do, don't expect to be treated seriously. That is not being smart.
  • If you kiss and tell, then expect to be talked about. When girls share intimate information with others, do not expect the world to shut up about it. You've shared, your fair game.
  • Shave ladies. I'm not talking about down there, or even your legs but simply your underarm. If you don't want to be insulted, groom.
  • On that note, do not wear open toed shoes if your toes are not viewable. Eeeewww.
  • Do learn to cook. One meal will not kill you. As much as we all want to say that its not important, think of this. Wouldn't you want the girl your son will marry to be someone who knows how to cook at least one meal? Golden rule.
  • Read. Be updated. Yes, you may look like Halle Berry or Jessica Alba but if you have nothing in between your ears, better make sure you have the prowess of Angelina Jolie in bed since that is where you will be delegated.
  • Thou shall not flirt ... with the brother of your date, with the friends, or with any male species that he is family with or friends. That is not cool.
  • Do thank the guy when he pays for the date. Yes, he should but still, thank him. Let him down easy if you end up not liking him. And if you were the one to ask him out, shell out. Some girls ask guys out just to get them to pay for something, that is not good. We need to be independent at times especially if its something we want. Now if they asked, let them pay. If you ask, prepare to pay. So don't ask. Lol!

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

12 things men ought to RELEARN

I know that with all the talk about women being equal to men I shouldn't expect anything or what have you from men nowadays but really, would it kill you to show some of the old world courtesy that guys did for women back then?

So here's a list of things that I think should never be missing from a man's behavior when they are with women. And ladies, say THANK YOU. Don't be rude as well and act as if you had the right to be treated as such. Remember, a lady to be treated like a lady, must act like a lady.

  • opening the door ... I know it's not heavy but it would be really nice to have someone hold it for you especially if you're carrying a lot of things and not have to have your face carved or imprinted on a door
  • offering your seat in a bus, LRT, MRT ... seriously ... don't even offer it to a pretty lady ... but to that old man or woman ... would it really kill you to stand and let an older person sit?
  • carrying a woman's heavy load ... don't carry her teeny tiny lil handbag but if she has more than 2 bags already and what have you, then take it ...
  • opening the car door ... its something simple ... you just need to go around ... just a lil effort
  • pulling the chair when dining ... don't do this at a fastfood resto ... only when you're at a restaurant
  • going on the not so safe side when crossing the street
  • standing up when being introduced to a girl
  • offering your hand instead of the customary beso when first introduced
  • paying for the bill ... I know you talk about being practical and all but really .... IF YOU DO NOT HAVE MONEY, DO NOT ASK A GIRL OUT!
  • taking a girl home after gimmick ... fine, it seems sweet when done in the movies how the girl is whisked away in a yellow cab but really, what do you think is the girl feeling afterwards when she's alone?
  • offering to pick her up ... enough of the lets meet somewhere crap ...
  • flowers ... one lil long stemmed rose goes a long long way
These are what I can think of for now .... anyone want to add anything? Oh, and before someone bashes me for being so old school or a throwback to the 20's ... seriously ... deep inside, girls feel good when they are treasured.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008


I was talking to a friend of mine and we were chatting about crushes and dating and how I never seemed to be without one before except for the two year hiatus I took after I broke up with M. I realized that I have been craving male companionship because I've never really had a Dad and older brothers to take care of me and make me feel secured. Then I became insecure and would always need validation from the male species. After that, I had two really woonderful boyfriends (not at the same time); J and R. They gave me what I needed or thought I needed and yet, I broke up with them.

I then met Hubs and obviously, things are not going so well in that area. I think I've relied on him to much for my happiness. I made my life revolve around him and our family. I forgot who I was, what I wanted, and who I should be.

I've come to realize that if I want to do things, I shouldn't wait for someone to go try it with me. I've realized that if I want to eat somewhere, I should just go and treat myself instead of waiting for someone to go with me. I should go watch movies by myelf. I should watch stage plays by myself and not miss out on another Miss Saigon because someone didn't want to go with me. I need to start taking care of me and stop relying on others to be with me and enjoy things with me.

If someone has the same tastes as I do, well and good. If not, then that's their problem right. If they can't appreciate me for the fabulous, crazy, fun loving me, then so be it. If they think my thighs are too big, my hips too wide, my butt too rounded ... their lost; not mine.

I need to stop needing other people and just need myself. I am fabulous the way I am. Stretch marks, cellulites, fats, quirkiness, bitchiness, selfishness and all.

Monday, September 1, 2008

someday I'll be over you

They say that when something that you truly believes in crumbles down in your face, it is hard to accept that failure. Sometimes you blame yourself eventhough you know you did everything you possibly could. Then you blame yourself for not being able to push yourself more. It's all blame blame blame.

I have been badly hurt. Scarred to the point where I don't think there is anything left in me to be hurt. Then I realize that with just a word or complete disregard, there is still a tinge of pain. So I can say that yes I have accepted what happened to us, where this all led to ... but I am still not completely over it.

Someday, I hope I will be.