Monday, June 24, 2013

why girls become better ...

A 24 year old guy asked a question during lunch break yesterday at work. I say the words "lunch break" loosely because this was at 2am in the morning since we were on the graveyard shift. He asked, "How come you girls get all dolled up and prettier after getting dumped?"

The older men who were around started shaking their heads in pity for the poor boy who did not know better. The female population of course went ballistic and started sprouting out all the words in machine gun format. The poor boy didn't understand what was happening.

After, we tried explaining to him but I think the shock of being asked this question kind of put me on firing mode and he didn't really get the answer he need. So, here I am, at 1am on a Monday writing about why girls just become a better and hotter version of themselves after getting dumped.

So Glenn, I hope this sheds light for you.

Girls don't immediately get better after getting dumped. We fell in love and when the person we love leaves, we don't just transform into an upgraded version of us.

We fall apart. Yes, we fall apart. We're human. We're girls. We're emotional and the guy that we thought would never leave us, the guy who PROMISED that they would never leave, LEFT. So yes, we fall apart.

We cry our hearts out, we sob ourselves to sleep, we weep at random moments. We become so ugly and so broken that we don't even recognize ourselves in the mirror. We question our self worth, our face, our body, every conversation, every move, every scene that transpired between you and me. We examine everything and try to find out where we went wrong.

Einstein would be proud of how thorough we are in our analysis. Unfortunately, we are never thorough enough and there really is no way that we can pinpoint and say, "this is where things went wrong."

Now, you'd probably say "how come we never see that phase?" Of course you wouldn't. You left remember? You left us. You bailed out and gave up just like that.

After breaking down and becoming this pathetic heap lying on the floor, our friends or family would eventually find us. They'd try to help  and listen, be there for us, and console us but sooner or later, they'd kick us out of the rut you pushed us into and make us realize that we need to help ourselves.

Now, since you're no longer there, we find ourselves with a lot of free time and nothing to do. Now, what does a girl who have free time on her hands do? I think you know.

We keep ourselves busy. We clean the house, we fix things, we fix ourselves, we work out, we do this and we do that. We will do almost anything just to keep ourselves busy because to have free time would mean endless amount of thinking of the ex and that, that is just not acceptable.

When we have free time, we think and girls are very famous for over thinking. To avoid that, we do things that we weren't able to because we were either busy taking care of you or just being with you. Now we can do things we want to which made you go "ewww" or "oh really? We gotta do that?"

Working out is also one of the best ways to keep yourself not thinking and so, when women discover this, they resort to working out which leads to becoming hotter after a break up. Also, when we realize that we are actually losing weight and looking better, why would we stop?

So there ... that's the mystery of why girls become better and hotter after being dumped. It's not a "plan" that we devise. It's just how girls cope. It' just because we need to keep busy because if we don't ... we will go crazy because we are hurting so much from being left alone by the one person we believed would never leave us.

You.

Maybe, if you had stuck around when I was at my worst, you''d get to have me when I'm finally at my best. You see, no one is perfect. Fairy tales aren't true. Relationships go through hell, but they also go to heaven. It's why it is a commitment. You commit to it, through heaven and hell. Serendipity may help but all it can do is to give you signs. It's still your actions that will determine who gets in your life and who leaves.

The fruit isn't just gonna fall into your mouth. You gotta stand, walk up to it, and pluck it from the tree before it goes to waste or someone else gets to it.



Thursday, June 20, 2013

BullChef

It was a random conversation that FM and I had when I mentioned BullChef. It stood out for both of us because we have eaten at almost every eatery in Kapitolyo during the time we dated but we've never seen this one. Apparently, his interest was peaked.

When we met up last Monday, he mentioned eating at BullChef. Unfortunately, it was raining hard and parking was a stuggle. We almost did not eat at BullChef but luckily, I was bullheaded enough (you see the play of words there right? Right???) so we finally made our way to this almost literal hole in the wall and gave their famous bulalo a try.

BullChef is located across Milky&Sunny, just a few doors away from Three Sisters. The place is quite small so you really need to be on the lookout for it. However, the warmth inside did make up for the lack of space.

As you can see, the place is not that big and the materials or furniture are very simple. 




However, the food more than made up for it. I had one of the tastiest and softest bulalo in my entire life and even their sizzling bulalo was really delicious. Sadly, FM burned his tongue out of excitement to try the food that he forgot he had the sizzling meat and immediately took a bite. Ouchie!

Thankfully, he still managed to enjoy the food and I even let him have some of my bulalo. I'm not really a bulalo fan but this one was simply good. It was tasty, the veggies were not overcooked, and the meat was very tender. The soup was just so yummy I actually finished everything. 




It may have been a hole in the wall but I'm glad we ventured and gave it a try. FM and I may just be friends now but I'm grateful that we are still able to try out new places together. BullChef was definitely worth the trip.

one two three ...

One by one
Let me pick up the pieces
Two by two
Let me build a new me.

Three by three
Number of steps I'm takin'
Four by four
Strength of walls I'm buildin'

Five by five
Tears keep on fallin'
Six by six
In time there will be healin'

Seven and eight
Slowly dawn is breakin'
Nine and ten
It's a brand new mornin'

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

you love me ....

You love me
I feel it
in the way you look at me
in the way you say my name
in the way you hold me.

You love me
I see it
by the fact you're still here
by the fact you come calling
by the fact you still care.

You love me
This is a given
people around us see it
people around us feel it
people around us believe it

You love me
However, it is not enough
to want to fight for us
to want to give us a chance
to want to be with me again.

You love me
but you no longer
love me enough ...
you just love me ...
and it is not enough.

without you ....

a park with no trees
a party with no festivities
a cafe with no coffee
a library with no books

a wallet with no money
a house with no family
a night sky with no stars
a world with no sun

Lacking
Incomplete
Empty
Lonely

This is you without me
This is me without you.

Monday, June 17, 2013

its over

Over
I can't believe we're over
The love we had is over.

Stay
I wanted you to stay
The love we had should stay.

Sorry
I meant to tell you sorry
The love we had deserves a sorry.

Fight
I wish you'd fight for us
The love we had needs to be fought for.

Fear
You're not supposed to feel it
The love we feel shouldn't be feared.

Chance
We deserve another chance
The love we have should get another chance.

It's just thoughts now
This and that, here and there
Up and down, right and about.

Over
I can't believe we're over
The love we had is over.

Sunday, June 16, 2013

dear heart

It's been over a year. 2012 was a pretty good year for us wasn't it? Unfortunately, as they said, some good things never last. This one didn't either. I thought it would.

I honestly thought it would. Due to this, it really, truly, sincerely hurt when it ended. You see, I really believed him when he said that as long as I don't hurt his kids and I don't cheat on him, he would never leave me. I really believed him when he said that we would sort out whatever comes our way TOGETHER. He would never leave me.

This is what he promised. This is what I believed.

Then, he left.

He left heart. Stop fooling yourself that he's still there. He's not. The funny man you fell in love with is no longer there. He doesn't exist anymore. He's gone. He's hiding somewhere, licking his wounds.

The man you see right now is not the same. The funny man would never hurt you the way this one does. The funny man would never put you through so much pain. Remember, all he wanted was to make you smile and laugh.

The funny man forgives and loves you. He accepts you for what you are, flaws and all. This one right now, he thinks of himself. He doesn't care about your feelings. Sure, he helps you but till a certain extent only. Sure, he feels guilty but he continues to do what he wants. He loves you yes but he doesn't love you enough.

He can't love you anymore. He's too scared to love you. He's too scared to fight for his own happiness, much less your happiness heart. He's scared. He's a scared little boy and right now, he isn't man enough to be with you.

You need to accept that heart. I know you love him. I know you do. He doesn't love you though. He no longer does. He can't love you coz in his heart, there is only fear.

Accept it and move forward heart. The man you love with all your heart and life is no longer there. Accept it. Stop this pain we're feeling.

Please. Stop it. It hurts too much. It's consuming me and I cannot be consumed with this kind of pain. I still have B. I have a Mom who hurts for me and a sister forced to mature to be there for me. I have friends who hurt because I'm hurting. I cannot continue hurting for a guy who can't care that he hurts me because he's consumed with his own pain. We need to stop heart.

We really need to.

If he ever gets the courage to love you again, we wouldn't know. Until that happens though, please, love me first. Love us. You can still love him, but keep it to yourself. He doesn't need to know about that anymore. He doesn't care anyway.

So please stop heart? Please? For both our sanity's sake. Let him go for real ... if he finds his way back to us, then you know he really loves you and if he remains in hiding, then we both know that the love he had for us wasn't strong enough.

Let go. We both need to. He needs this and I need this. Let go. He's already left anyway.



Saturday, June 15, 2013

Solo Parent ID ... so what about it?

I was talking to FM earlier today about the benefits I can get about the solo parent ID and it seemed that he wasn't fully aware of what it really gives. He also told me that it seems a lot of solo parent are not really aware of what benefits they should be getting.

I decided to blog about this to help other solo parents know more about what they should get. Here are some key notes that I believe you should know.

WHAT IS PARENTAL LEAVE?
Parental Leave refers to leave benefits granted to a solo parent to enable said parent to perform parental duties and responsibilities where physical presence is required as provided under Civil Service Commission (CSC) Memorandum Circular No. 08, series 2004.
WHAT ARE THE CONDITIONS FOR GRANTING PARENTAL LEAVE TO SOLO PARENTS?
The parental leave of seven (7) days shall be granted to any Solo Parent employee subject to the following conditions:
1. The solo parent must have rendered government service for a least one (1) year, whether continuous or broken, reckoned at the time of the effectivity of the law on September 22, 2002, regardless of the employment status.
2. The solo parent employee may avail of parental leave under any of the following circumstances:
a. Attend to personal milestones of a child such as birthday, communion, graduation and other similar events;
b. Perform parental obligations such as enrollment and attendance in school programs, PTA meetings and the like;
c. Attend to medical social, spiritual and recreational needs of the child;
d. Other similar circumstances necessary in the performance of parental duties and responsibilities, where physical presence of the parent is required.

WHAT ARE THE STEPS TO AVAIL OF THE PACKAGE OF SERVICES?
A solo parent shall apply for a Solo Parent Identification Card (Solo Parent ID) from the City/Municipal Social Welfare and Development (C/MSWD) Office. Once the C/MSWD Office issues the Solo Parent ID, a solo parent can apply for services he/she needs from the C/MSWD Office or to specific agencies providing such assistance/services.
WHAT ARE THE REQUIREMENTS IN SECURING A SOLO PARENT ID?
1. Barangay certificate residency in the area;
2. Documents/Evidence that the applicant is a solo parent (e.g. death certificate of spouse, declaration of nullity of marriage, medical certificate – if incapacitated); and
3. Income Tax Return (ITR) or certification from the barangay/municipal treasurer. 
WHAT DOCUMENT/PROOF WILL A SOLO PARENT PRESENT IF HE/SHE HAS CHILD OR IS DE FACTO SEPARATED FROM HUSBAND/WIFE?
A Certificate issued by the Barangay Captain indicating the circumstances on one’s being a solo parent.
To know more, read here

Friday, June 14, 2013

you see me ...

You see me
But you really don't.

To you, I'm just another pretty face
To acquire
To conquer
To have
To discard once done.

You see me
But you really don't.

To you, I'm just a conquest
Never to be kept
Never to be held
Never to be fought for
Never to be yours.

You see me
But you really don't.

All you see is just a pretty face
An empty shell
A heart with no soul.

You see me
But you really don't.

security blanket

Warm
Comfortable
Secure
This is how I make you feel.

Cold.
Rejected
Unwanted
This is how you make me feel

You yearn for my love
Yet loathe my presence
You want me
But not to be with me.

You lay in bed sound asleep
I sit by the window tears rolling
You sleep with a smile on your face
I lay awake my heart slowly breaking

You have me
Your dear security blanket
I have nothing
Just a cold, empty bed.


Tuesday, June 11, 2013

everybody hurts ....


I spoke to someone who wouldn't be with the one they love because they were scared. He was scared. He loved her and they both knew that they loved each other, very much if I may say so. However, he was scared.

He was scared of her.

You see, she hurt him and he got to the point that he wasn't sure if it was something that would continue forever. Her mistake was hurting him. His mistake, was not giving her another chance ... his mistake was not giving them another chance ... his mistake was not giving himself the chance to be happy again. Deep inside, he knows that she is the one who can make him happy. Deep inside, he knows that she is the one who can complete him. She is his happiness.

I wanted to tell him, in life, everyone you love, they will hurt you. They will break you at one point especially if you really love them for to love someone is to give them the power to hurt you, to break you. I wanted to tell him, she's hurting too you know. She's hurting a lot. She's hurting more than you know. She lets you know a few of the hurt but not everything because she doesn't want to hurt you more than she has and she knows that if you knew how hurt she really is, you would hurt more.

I wanted to tell him, in life, everyone will hurt us. We just need to find out who is worth all the pain and who isn't. We just need to find out who amongst those who have hurt us is willing to heal that hurt, who is willing to pick up the broken pieces with us. You see, no one is perfect. Sometimes, those who hurt us most are the ones who love us most as well.

They make mistakes. They are human.

We makes mistakes. We are human.

If you can't stay away from that person after all the pain she has inflicted on you, if you still think of her, if you still look for her, if you still miss her, if you still care about her, if you still don't want tears falling down her face, if you don't want her to hurt more than she already has, if you still love being the reason for her smile ...

even when she has hurt you so much that you actually gave up and left her ...

then perhaps ... it is worth another try. Think about it.


Every relationship has its ups and downs. Sometimes the down lasts for a time but the good thing is that it never stays down. There were more good than bad. Think about it. Conquer that fear. Living in fear is not living at all. You should know that. You taught her that. And always remember ... life can only be colorful if you learn to dance in the rain. There can't be a rainbow without the rain. What matters is that someone wants to dance in the rain with you now. Would you really let her dance alone? 


Monday, June 10, 2013

Monday Affirmation # 15


Make it a point to always say the things in the left box and not the ones on the right. I know we all have moments of doubt but we always need to maintain positivity even if the positive aspect is as big as a coin only. It's still something.

Never lose hope. Never give up.

Happy Monday!

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Sunday, June 9, 2013

munimuni # 82


Tomorrow, I am going to start work in what seems to be a great company. I've heard really good stuff about them and the account that I would be in so I'm pretty stoked. I hope that everything I've heard is true.

I'm nervous. I'm really nervous. I feel like I'm starting all over again. I feel like I'm this new graduate that just entered into the corporate world. I'm nervous about the new place, new environment, new culture, and new people. It's scary. I feel like I'm also going to university for the first time.

Its scary because people judge you upon sight. Its scary because people, especially women in general, simply hate me upon sight. I've always struggled between being aloof to appear like I don't care even when I really do and being friendly to try and fit in but most likely failing to do so.

Some people think that a pretty face is a blessing. Sometimes I think its a curse cause some people hate me for it and most guys just wanna do not so nice stuff with me because of it. Sometimes, I wish that people wouldn't notice me so much when I walk into a room or enter a new company. Unfortunately, it rarely happens that way.

So hopefully, tomorrow, I get to start over and I make friends. I'm not aiming for Miss Friendship but I am hoping that I wouldn't make so many enemies. I just want a quiet life.

No new updates on FM save for he asked me to see me last week and I think its partially because he misses me. I think. Well, I hope.

B's gonna be in 2nd grade and he is growing up so fast. My little boy isn't so little anymore but I have to accept that. I just wish I could shield him from all the pain he will encounter but I know I can't. I just have to be there for him.

Wish me luck for the coming few days of my life ... or weeks ... or months ... or years.

positive vs negative

B has been acting up a wee bit lately and so I had to come up with a new strategy to get him to behave. You see, I used to spank him then I realized that it didn't really work anymore. So I went for the lets talk about this route. It worked for a time but then it stopped working. This month, I finally came up with a solution that seems to work.


Everyday, we track B's progress. If he was overall good for the day, he gets a smile. If he did something that was really bad, he gets a sad face. At the end of the month, if there are more smiles than frowns, he gets a big treat such as 5 books or swimming at Ace Water Spa. It could also be 3 hours at Tom's World or a movie date with dinner. =)

If he gets more frowns, then I take away some privileges for the first week of the next month. He has agreed to this and so far, we've had 2 bad days. Today, he was really excited to get that smile. I loved that he was very excited to get that smile and I look forward to seeing more smiles.

I did tell him that regardless of how many frowns he gets, I'd still love him. Also, he made this today. I'm so happy. Taking away the laptop for 2 days straight made him more creative.


Saturday, June 8, 2013

a better me v2

1.5 months ago I posted a photo of myself because I went on a quest to losing weight which is one of the steps I am taking to a better me. Today, I'm posting a new photo and I hope that it will show that there has been a bit of an improvement.

The one in white was taken April 28 and the one in green was taken today.


Is there an improvement? My clothes seem to think so. I definitely lost some fat in the tummy area. So, what do you guys think? I feel a bit lighter. Or maybe that's just air that went out of my head? Haha.

I have learned to love hot tea and so I've been drinking a lot of it now. I am no longer starving myself but I have limited on stuff that I shouldn't be eating.

I hope to post another update in 1.5 months again and I hope that I'd have shed more pounds and not gained anything since I will be working starting Monday and it will be on a graveyard shift.

So there, that's my update on my quest to losing weight.

Friday, June 7, 2013

Friday Madness # 1

Since its Friday and most people just wanna feel good on a Friday ... I'm gonna start with Friday Madness which will be posts to simply make you smile or giggle or just feel good.

Since I'm a cat lover, here's the first of the Friday Madness dedicated to cat lovers like me. Dog lovers, don't bark just yet. Next week, it might be your turn.Or lizards. Blech.






Are they not adorable? I love cats and hope to have at least 4 one day that are just as adorable as the ones here.


Thursday, June 6, 2013

B's 1st Finger Painting Creation

I recently bought a set of finger painting material with stamps at National Book Store. You see, B wanted to learn how to do finger painting and since I was too busy looking for a job, it was only last week that I finally had time to go get a kit for him. Luckily, I also had time to clean and sort his supplies closet and I found an old apron he could use to protect his clothes when finger painting.


I let him do it on his own and simply encouraged him when he became frustrated coz his first attempt wasn't successful. Sometimes, I feel that I may have turned him into a book nerd too much and that his creativity could have been hampered coz he feels that everything needs to be perfect or fit into a pattern. I'm glad that lately, and with his, he's learning to just let go and let his inner artist do the work.





B's ARTWORK


Loved how we spent this morning together. B with his finger painting while I look on the sideline and took photos. :)


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A Decade of Renaissance Art Gallery

I was invited to the opening of A Decade of Renaissance Art Gallery earlier this evening at Megamall Art Center Building A, 4th Floor. This exhibit showcases abstract, figurative, sculptures, and photography. Since I took up photography in college, I was very excited when I saw one of the people whom I admire as part of the roster. It was no other than Mr. Jim Paredes.

Thankfully, he was indeed present and he was so accommodating that I felt that my trip to Megamall was all worth it. We even had a short discussion about nude photos and how the people here react to it. It was just so surreal to have a person I have admired for a long time be talking to me like we were on the same level. Eeekkk.





Of course, there were other artists and paintings being shown. These are some that really caught my eye.






Some of the photos were not put on display which made me sad because there were really great ones that were just at the back door and some not so great ones on display in my opinion. Then again, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

It was a first for me to attend such a gathering and I'm glad that I made it. It was definitely something new and something worth experiencing. Do visit them at the 4th Floor Building A SM Megamall. They will be there until June 29, 2013.



I BELONG!

Asian Secrets Body Scrub

Today, I received a sweet package from Asian Secrets Lulur Indonesian Whitening Body Scrub  It came at around 4 in the afternoon while I was on my way out to attend an event. It did make coming home a lot more exciting since I know I'll get all dirty in my commute.

Upon getting home, I rested a bit then prepared my bath. I was stoked coz I was going to try the Asian Secrets Lulur Indonesian Whitening Body Scrub from Unilab and by the smell of the seaweed version, it was something that I knew I'll enjoy.

You see, the smell was just barely there. It hinted at the seaweed ingredient but it wasn't overpowering that it would leave me thinking I was a mermaid surrounded by floating seaweeds in the salty waters of the ocean. It was more of a hint of the breeze of the ocean and it was relaxing.



Now I really liked the texture of Asian Secrets Lulur Indonesian Whitening Body Scrub  Though it had grains in it, it was fine enough that when you rub it on your skin, it won't leave your skin scratched or worse, bleeding. It had a grainy but fine texture which I really really loved.



See how its grainy but still smooth that it won't damage your skin should you be too eager in rubbing it all over? This is a big plus for me.

It's been over 3 hours since I took a bath and used the Asian Secrets Lulur Indonesian Whitening Body Scrub all over my body and I still can't stop touching my skin because it just feels smoother all over. I could literally feel the dead skin cells peeling away while I was scrubbing. I felt so much cleaner, smoother, and a tad bit whiter coz of all the dead skin cells that were taken off.

Best part was that when I rinsed, it just went away without leaving any irritating residue. There was none of the sticky feeling that you sometimes get when you use a body scrub. I'm glad that Asian Secrets Lulur Indonesian Whitening Body Scrub with Seaweed Extracts wasn't like that.


That's me right after my bath and I am just so happy with Asian Secrets Lulur Indonesian Whitening Body Scrub. Below are the two variants of Asian Secrets Lulur Indonesian Whitening Body Scrub. One comes with Licorice and Mulberry Extract and the other has Seaweed Extract and Vitamin E.


For more information, you may visit them here.
Facebook Page 
Available in Department Stores and Watsons
It is also best applied on dry skin. I, however, prefer it with a wet skin. =)

Fun Facts:

Asian Secrets Lulur Indonesian Whitening Body Scrub is a beauty treatment which originated from the royal palaces of Java, Indonesia and inspired by the ritual called Lulur. Lulur was originally intended for the bride-to-be in order to beautify, smoothen, whiten her skin before the wedding day.

The Benifits of Asian Secrets Lulur Whitening Body Scrub
  • Lulur beads gently exfoliate and remove dead skin cells to smoothen and give it a radiant glow.
  • Frequent usage reduces skin pigmentation and evens out skin tone by getting rid of dark patches, especially in areas prone to darkening like elbows, knees, armpits and the area between the thighs.
  • It also moisturizes and leaves skin with a light fragrant scent."

Asian Secrets Lulur is available in 2 sizes (250g & 135g.) It is also available in 3 variants - Green Tea & Vit.E, Licorice & Mulberry, and Seaweed & Vitamin. E.

Icky factor - 0/5
Effectiveness - 4/5
Price: Php 145
Recommend: Yes

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* I was sent these products for review. I did not pay for these. However, the free product did not in any way sway my opinion and everything you read here is MY PERSONAL OPINION.  

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

trust and let go ...

2 weeks ago, I met Nature. She was my partner in the Life Design Workshop that I attended and when we had a coaching session, she told me, "Trust and Let Go." At that time, I thought that I understood what she was saying. I thought to myself, "oh! I finally got it."

2 weeks later, I'm writing about it again because today, yes, TODAY, I finally really got it. TRUST and LET GO. Trust that things will happen when they need to happen or when its time for them to happen and let go of MY DESIRE to get FM back NOW. 

I thought when Nature, Vids, and Allan kept telling me to let go,  it meant let go of FM. I couldn't. The intensity of my love for him is even more now that we had broken up than when we were together. Crazy right? As for FM, he told me that his love for me is lesser now. It hurt but at least he still loves me. I gotta accept what I can get. 

Let go. It means to let go of my insane desire to get him back now. Let go. It means to let go of my desire to get him to heal and forgive me for hurting him. I need to let go and let him heal on his own time and I need to let him be ready in his own time. I cannot force him, cajole, court, nor do anything to make him do what I want until he's ready to do it wholeheartedly. 


FM and I have seen each other regularly since we parted ways. We've talked and hanged out. We've shared laughter and a hug here and there. I should savor those moments and just enjoy it as it happens. I shouldn't keep worrying about the future. I shouldn't worry about the what if's and just focus on the now. I should just enjoy whatever moment I can get with him if it happens. 


I realized that the reason I felt miserable or sad after every meeting with him is because deep inside, I had hoped that it would lead to us getting back together. So when it doesn't happen or when he doesn't make his presence felt the day after, I become sad. If I learn to just accept a meet up as a meet up, an opportunity to see him, be with him, and just have fun with him, then I won't be sad the day after. 


I used to always have a plan and when it gets derailed, I'd be upset. I realized that this time around, there is no timetable. I don't own it. It's not in my hands and as Dory told Nemo's Dad, "It's time to let go." I may not know what will happen but I need to simply trust that what will happen is what is meant to happen. After all ... 


The people who want to stay in my life will find their way back to my life. He may get lost for a while but eventually, he will realize I am home. If not, then I was never home to him and I need to accept that painful as it will be. 

So, for now .. 


I need to ... 


In the end, it always works out. I need to keep believing that it will. After all, I got nothing to lose anymore. I've already lost FM since he's no longer mine. I might as well have faith and ... 


To you FM, in case you get to read this ... I am not giving up. I am not getting tired. I am just letting go of my  desire to get you back now. I understand that you need to come back to me in your own time. I need to respect that. For now, I will be the friend that you want me to be. 

I will continue to love you but I will not burden you with my love anymore. I need to keep it to myself and just love you on my own. 


For now, I will focus on loving me and making me a better person so that when you are ready, you will come back to a person who is a much better version of me and someone who is ready to be loved because I have learned to love myself again. This will be my mantra now.


Till fate leads us back to each other ....