lets do this 2014

For 2013, I made this post and I wasn't able to keep most of what I posted for the simple reason that for 8 months, I focused on being miserable. Enough of that. So for 2014, I don't see why I won't be able to accomplish these. To be sure, I will also have it printed and posted on the planner just to be sure haha.

1. I will read more. 
2. I will take more photos and hone my photography. 
3. I will write more and when I say write, I mean write. It's time to go back to basics.
4. I will put aside money for savings and for the future. 
5. I will explore the Philippines, if not the world. 
6. I will try to be kinder and more patient. 
7. I will be healthier. 

There. I think my list is more feasible. Happy New Year!

Star City 2013

It's been over a year I believe since we last went to Star City but this year, we made sure that we will because my nephew came to visit us for the first time and my sister was also here. Best add on was Karl, my other brother, was also able to make it so we had a family visit to Star City.

Our day started by watching a play at the Aliw Theater presented by Ballet Manila. It was called "Tatlong Kwento ni Lola Basyang" and for those who know me, you would know that I am a Lola Basyang fan.

The kids took to trying out the different rides and my siblings drove themselves sick by trying out all the death defying rides. In short, we all had fun.

Star City would still be in the running for a theme park here in Manila. Enchanted Kingdom may be prettier and fancier but its also more expensive. If you're on a budget but want to provide magic for your kids, Star City would still be the way to go.

lessons I learned from the funny man about relationships

So its the end of the year and along with it, the end of the hope that I have held on for the last 8 months since the funny man and I "officially" separated ways and a week since I last saw him and "unofficially" ended things.

The last 2 years have been all about the funny man. 2012 - 2013 was filled with stories of him, memories of him, rants about him, longing for him, and most of all, love and forgiveness for him. Love because I know that till now, I still do love him. Forgiveness because he has hurt me so much and yet I choose to forgive because that's what love is about.

To recap his story (and yes, this time its for real because 1. unless he had an epiphany that I am his one true love and he was crazy to throw me away 2. he actually gathers enough courage and bravery to overome his fear of me 3. do a lot of things to prove to me that he is worth my time and another chance 4. win me back 5. do all these at a time that I have not yet completely buried under 6,000 feet of walls my love for him) December 22 would truly be the end of our story.

I did learn a lot of things about relationships from him and I think that my readers could also learn a thing or two so I'm gonna go ahead and share it with you guys.

1. Forever is relative. It's not what we think when someone tells us "I'll love you forever." First half of December, the funny man was still telling me he loves me. Latter half, it was "I don't love you anymore." So you see, forever is relative. When we initially got together, he said I was the one and he can see that this was forever. It seems forever was only around 2 years or so for him.

2. Nothing would change my love for you is also not true. Love changes. It evolves. It goes North to South and East to West. Pray that when it does, your partner maintains the hold on your hand and doesn't drop you while you're swinging 10,000 feet above the air. It really hurts when you crash.

3. Sometimes, love just ain't enough. Cliche but true. FM loved me. He did. He really did. He just didn't love me enough. Hurtful to hear, hurtful to write, hurtful to accept but one must accept. He just didn't love me enough to fight for me, for us, for our love. So there.

4. Sweet gifts mean nothing. FM had a way with him where he'd give me something I really like then say something really horrible. Last April, he gave me some stuff from Misibis Bay along with a citymug then said in the next breath, "you know we're breaking up right?" No I did not thank you very much. Let me pick the pieces of my shattered heart.

This December, he hande me 2 citymugs and then admited that he no longer loved me. OUCH. I can't even describe the pain I felt at that moment or the pain I still feel everytime I remember him saying, "hindi na kita mahal. Sorry." Let me get a vacuum clearner for my heart is now in smithereens.

5. Letting go. This is probably the best lesson he's taught me. You see, I held on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on looooongggg after I should have let go. I held on because I thought we could work it out. I thought this and I thought that. What I failed to think of was that there was actually nothing for me to hold on to ... he has let go and he has left. All I was holding on to was a memory, a figment of my imagination. When I realized this, I learned to let go.

6. Don't slam doors, just close them but don't lock it. He thought me to have faith, believe, and to breathe. So I do, I am, and I will. Whether he is a part of my future or not, I know that as long as I have faith in myself that I am worthy, I believe that things will always be okay, and I never forget to step back  and take a deep breath, I'll be okay.

Sometimes, I still feel the urge to call him or text him ... to check on how he is and find out if he is okay. I still do but then I remember ... he chose himself .... so its time I also chose me.

However, before I gently close the door ... I want to say to him, thank you ... for destroying me and my heart. You paved the way for me to build a better and stronger version of myself as well as paved the way for me to place my heart where it should be. I'm not mad at you. I'm not bitter. I'm resigned. I've accepted that its the end for us.

If fate will lead us to each other again, I would have to say that fate has her work cut out for her because I refuse to help fate again.I refuse to aid and abet and so whatever she had plans, if it involves us seeing each other again or talking or *gasp* being together again, she really needs to put her game plan on.

Thank you Mr. Funny Man ... for the last 2 years. It truly was kulayful. I don't know if you still check on my blog but I just have to write this and then I will no longer write about you. I hope.

You will always have a special place in my heart but its time to let go and move on. You've been pushing me away for the last 8 months. You no longer need to. I'm stepping away. I'm finally, truly, giving you what you need which is for me to no longer exist in your life.

It's a bittersweet feeling but for the first time, I can smile through the tears because I know that this is what will be good for me ... and as you very well taught me, I need to choose me. It's time.

PS: Fate mocks me. Before It Explodes by Charice just played in the background as I was posting this. Really fate? TSE!

dating B ...

This 2013, I wasn't able to go out with my son on a one on one basis as much as I should have. I know that for the larger part, it was because I was nursing a broken heart and I mulled and lulled over it long after I should have just picked myself up and moved on since the person who broke my heart had moved on a loooonggg time ago.

Anyway, this is what new years are for right? Or to be honest, tomorrows. Tomorrows exist so that you can make up for the mistakes of yesterday and this is definitely part of my things to make up for.

Our last date for the year 2013 happened last Sunday. We started by playing Word Search. Rules were whoever finds the most number of word wins. The loser though had to have lipstick on their nose. For some reason, B won all 3 rounds. After, we went to Moonleaf to have our milk tea fix, had a haircut for him, a mani pedi foot scrub for me, and then dinner at Chef Mimi. Throughout our date, I marvelled at how forgiving my son was and how unforgiving someone else was. My son gave me chances and never counted. The other person, gave me a second chance then made me feel like I should be thankful he even gave me another chance.

I realized that I should just focus my energies on loving someone who loves me unconditionally and that is my son. Don't get me wrong. I'm not mad nor bitter with the other person. It was just a moment of clarity.

It was a happy day and I spent it with B. It was just the two of us and I know that he appreciates these moments because he told me so himself. To more of these dates in 2014 and most importantly, to a better and stronger bond between my son and I for this is the bond that matters most.

Puzzle Mansion Bed and Breakfast

My family and I headed to Puzzle Mansion today because my nephew Y and my son B both love puzzles. It seems that my Mom finally got someone in the family to love them as much as she does since none of us siblings like it.

Upon entering the place, we were overwhelmed with the gigantic puzzles as well as the miniature ones. There were also puzzles that came in 3D versions, round, flat, wooden, glass, and even sticks. It was pure awesomeness.

The best part of the trip was that the owner of the place was there and she even posed with B because he was also a young puzzlemaker and then made suggestions as to what we can get B for his next puzzle.

Miss Gina Lacuna and B

Overall, it wasn't just the kids who enjoyed the Puzzle Mansion. The adults enjoyed it as well and we definitely bonded while we were browsing through all the puzzles adorning the place.

Puzzle Mansion
Cuadra Street, Brgy Asisan, Tagaytay City 4120

(02) 425 5195

EPIC

Now, since I tried Silantro early in December, I of course had to try EPIC as well seeing that it was also on the list of the Top 50 food places that are to be tried this 2013. So off my friend and I trooped there but this time around, it was for a sandwich and coffee.

I ordered the turkey pastrami which turned out to be a really great choice. It was fresh. It was tasty. It was filling. It was what a sandwich should be. It was straightforward and without any of the add ons that other sandwich places put in just to make their food taste better. EPIC's sandwich was the real deal. Yes, it was a bit pricey but heck, it was worth it.

As for the coffee, I liked that even an hour later when it was just lukewarm, it still tasted good. The Cafe Mocha I had was also very simple and good. It felt like something my Mom would serve, if she had studied the art of making coffee and lattes and what not. I guess what I'm trying to say is that one sip and you feel like you're at the comfort of your home where you can just sit back and relax.

No wonder EPIC made it to the Top 50 eventhough there were so many food places that sprouted up all over the Metro. It was definitely a well deserved spot and if I ever see myself in the Pasig area once more, I'd definitely drop by.

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Silantro

One of the places that I wanted to visit this 2013 was Silantro mainly because it was listed as one of the Top 50 restaurants for 2013. Since it was located in Kapitolyo, Pasig, someone I knew took me there and I was able to give it a go.

I initially thought it was a vegetarian place though for the life of me, I cannot remember why I ever thought it was. Turns out it was a Filipino-Mexican place and it was a cantina type of restaurant. I absolutely loved it!

We ordered the Burrito, Beef Nachos, and Triple Choice of Meat Soft Shell Tacos. I can definitely say that everything tasted good but the hands down winner of the night for me was the Beef Nachos.

This actually had real beef cubes that you can bite and chew. It also had an overload of guacamole and cheese on top of it as you can see from the photos. To be honest, this was the first nacho I've ever seen where it was the nachos that were lacking and not the filling. It was also the first nacho I've ever had where I was filled and regretted ordering the burrito because the nacho alone was enough to make you feel full. BURP!

However, I couldn't help but take a bite or two or three or four of the burrito. Fine, I ate half of it. Haha. It was that good.

Cheers Silantro. You probably added 5lbs to my weight but it was all worth it. I'll be sure to burn those weight come 2014. :)

the year that was 2013

When 2013 first came into the picture, I welcomed it with a big smile on my face and with a lot of excitement. The main reason for that of course was because I was giddy in love with the funny man and after more than 2 years of being solo, I thought that I finally found the one that I will be spending the rest of my life with.

I thought to myself, 2013 is going to be awesome. It will be this and it will be that. I had so many plans, trips to make, savings to save, and adventures to go on to. Little did I know that 2013 was going to be something indeed ... it just wasn't the something that I had in mind.

Boy it definitely wasn't.

2013 saw changes and ups and downs.2013 saw people leaving my life, coming back, and leaving again. 2013 saw the ups and downs, highs and lows,  and all the swinging to and fro. It was a carousel that was placed on top of a rollercoaster and it spinned me around while going through the entire scary ride.

2013 saw me go from working for a consulting firm to being a slave at my Dad's factory to being kicked out and left jobless for almost 2 months. It also saw me cutting ties with my father whose approval I had craved for almost 32 years.

I realized that eventhough some people are your family, it doesn't mean that you need to spend your life with them in it. Sometimes, you just need to let go of the person who brings you nothing but pain.

2013 also saw my breakup with the funny man and saw how deeply it shattered me. Truth be told, I'm still just on my way to recovering from that break up 8 months after it happened. Apparently, he really was the one that I truly, totally, 100% fell in love with for my past 5 relationships did not hurt me as much as it did this one when I realized that it really was truly over.

I realized though that when someone doesn't want to be with you anymore, nothing will ever convince them to stay and give it another chance. Hurts like hell but when the one you love tells you straight to your face that he no longer loves you, you gotta move on. You have to.

2013 saw me attempt to be a better Mom to my son, B. I still have lapses here and there but I think in some ways, we connected more now than we did before. He's growing up and every time I see him with other children, I realize that perhaps, I'm doing something right.

2013 also saw me overcoming some of my fears. I have always been one to choose safety over adventure but this year, I finally tried some of the things that have made my blood turn to ice. For these things, I am grateful and proud of myself.

2013 also saw changes in me ... for the better I guess. I now have Mommy friends from B's school with whom I spend time with from time to time. I've also learned to spend more time with my family and really close friends as opposed to just hanging out with online communities. I also learned to open my blog up to the blogging industry and in return, have been invited to some of the most awesome events and for that, I am truly grateful to all the bloggers and PR heads who have invited me.

2013 also saw the passing of my Mama Becca. I wasn't able to say goodbye to her properly but I know that she knows I love her with all my heart.

2013 also saw the reconciliation between my sister and my Mom who did not talk for almost 10 years. Along with this reconciliation is the addition of my nephew and my soon to be brother in law. We may have lost someone but we also gained a new member to the family.

2013 also saw my Mom turn 50 and we were able to give her the party that she never had with gifts that she deserved. Best part is that it was all a surprise and she was very happy.

2013 has been very challenging for me most especially emotionally. I've lost people I love to death and to them leaving me. I've cut ties with friends and gained new ones. I was betrayed and hurt over and over again. Through all this, I have become a better and stronger person.

2013 is the year that I have been hit pretty hard but I know that all these things happened for a reason. I may not know why things happened but I know that it is to prepare me for something better.

2013 is my year of awakening and clarity. To you 2013, you may not have been as great as I envisioned you to be but I am still grateful. I am alive still though I am very sick. Still, I am alive. For now, this is what matters most.

To you 2014, I am ready for you. Bring it on.

I am ready.