Monday, February 28, 2011

monday affirmations # 6

and when you turn those can't into can ... make sure you do it. Do not leave it as being a "can." Make sure that it becomes done. :)

and those dreams into plans ... after you plan, execute them and make them a reality. Nothing is worse than a plan so great that went into waste.

so make those cans and those plans then slowly, one day, turn them into a reality.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

muninmuni # 61

This whole week has been an awakening of some sort for me. I realized that I need to sort things out and get my perspective about things back on track. This is with my whole life, not just a segment of it.

I almost let go of my Starbucks group because of some petty things but meeting with them yesterday, I realized that they are a family to me already. They cheer me up and they cheer me on and I am thankful for their existence.

Another awakening is that I have been integrating someone in my life in such a way that I am affected by the things this person say or do when I'm not sure if this person is affected by me too. It's been a constant struggle and I need to let go. It won't be easy but I need to  do it step by step, one step at a tome.

I need to remember me.

As for work, I'm ready to look at greener pastures and see where my potential will be used best. It's not where I am and I am not getting the support that I need.

The whole week, its been about work and realization. I am stronger than this and those who are trying to pull me down, you can all go to hell where you belong. I am much better than you so deal with it.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

the SB group meet up

I wasn't planning on attending today's event. In my mind, I was prepping for a day of wearing my pajama and watching DVD's. This is how I planned my day.

It turned out differently but I am glad that it did. I ended up meeting my SB group whom I have already neglected since I was thinking of leaving the group. Yep. I was honestly thinking of leaving the group. Today's event has changed my mind.

Thank you guys for reminding me why I would be dead crazy to ever leave this group.


And here are the solo shots of the mugs that I have.

I am happy.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

my first heartbreak

We were together for 19 months ... December 1, 1995 until July 1997. I do not remember anymore the day we broke up but I remember how my heart shattered and I felt like I was stabbed a million times on the chest and how it seemed that the pain would not end.

He visited me that day. He just got back from going somewhere with his ex who was helping him with getting approvals for a document he needed. Fool that I was, I felt secured enough to let him hang out with her. Yes, HER. I thought that being together for 19 months, I would have been successful in making him forget whatever feelings he may have for her. I thought it was enough. I thought I was enough.

Apparently, I was wrong. This mistake will haunt me for a long time and admittedly, it haunts me from time to time still.

We sat down on the couch and proceeded to talk. I noticed that there was something odd about him ... I noticed that something changed. And because we vowed to be completely honest with each other, I asked him if he wanted to tell me something. He said yes.

My world stopped. My heart started beating wildly. I wanted to take it back. I did not want to hear the answer to this question. I was not ready.

"I'm starting to like her again."

Six words. Six little words that spelled the end of what we were. Six words that changed him from being my sweetheart to a stranger whom I would hate, love, loathe, could not forget, never want to see, and occasionally I think of guy.

I know he regrets saying it. I know because he told me. He said that if he knew I would react that violently, he would have lied to me. He regrets telling me and thus, ending what we had. He regrets telling me and hurting me. Most of all, he regrets telling me because he knows now that it was the final nail on he coffin.

I did not break up with him right there and then. I just kept quiet. Even when I was barely 17, I had a thing about going quiet when I am really hurting. I do not snap nor do I lash out. I just go really quiet.

When he went home and we talked on the phone, that's when I told him that I could not do it anymore. I was giving up. I just could not accept that the same girl who caused me so much pain at the beginning of our relationship was able to creep her way back in. My pride could not handle it and my heart was breaking.

I broke up with him.

He begged. He cried. He pleaded. Even his older sister spoke to me on his behalf but I could not get myself to stay with him. I was just too broken.

After I hanged up on him, I called my friend and told her about what happened. She was in shock. She could not believe that I was able to do it. She knew how much I loved the guy. She knew that he became my world.

She could not believe that I was able to walk out on my world. Frankly, neither could I.

I ended up going to my Mom that night. I cried. I cried and I cried and I know that I broke my Mom's heart because my heart was breaking. I was just hurting so much. Until now, when I remember that night, tears start to well up in my eyes. It was THAT painful.

The next day and the coming weeks would see him visiting. He would pass by my house, he would wait for me after school, he would page me, and he would have his sister hand me cards. I wanted to be with him again. I wanted to but I couldn't.

Eventually, I learned that he got together with her. After some time, she was pregnant and they had to marry. Had to would be the word I would use because a few nights before he was to get married, he was at my house. He asked me to elope with him but I could not do that. I couldn't.

He was breaking my heart all over again. He does not know this. He never will.

Every year, even when he was married, he would call me or visit me. I don't know why he would but every time he would come over, my heart would get broken all over again. He was my first love. He was my first boyfriend. He was my first kiss and the first guy to wrap his arms around me.

He was a lot of things to me and for many years after we broke up, he would manage to twirl me around his little finger. It was a good thing that he never knew his effects on me.

He was my first love ... and he was also my first heartbreak.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

sleep? what sleep?

Has this ever happened to you? When I was young, I used to do this  a lot. Everytime my crush would call me, I would stay on the phone and pray that my Mom will not pick up the extension in her room and catch me still on the phone at the wee hours of the morning talking to a guy.

When I matured (I refuse to say got older) this rarely happened until recently. Lately, I have rediscovered the joy of being able to talk to someone for long periods of time and listen to someone discuss inane things and  things that matter. I have also rediscovered the art of listening to someone sing on the phone and sing along with them. It's pretty exhilarating to be honest.

I hope that in time,  I can lose more hourss of sleep just so I can talk to this person.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

why won't you keep me?

Why do you covet me?
Why do you want me?
Why do you desire me?
Why do you want to have me?

Yet you do not want to keep me.

Why do you want to show me off?
Why do you want to put me on display?
Why do you want to be seen with me?
Am I decor that you can parade?

Why do you not want to keep me?

Why am I always coveted?
Why am I always wanted?
Why am I always desired?

Why am I never kept?

Tell me ... why?

Monday, February 21, 2011

and then I met YOU ...

and my world turned upside down
and I can't stop thinking about you
and even when I'm doing something
thoughts of you spring up and stay
and I listen to music and I wonder if you'll like it
and I view my FB and end up viewing yours
and I plan to go to places and surmise if you'll go with me too ...

all because I met YOU.

Monday Affirmations # 5

Today, start your day by remembering the best things in life that are FREE ... 
Here's my list ... 

1. a  text that says hey from that someone special 
2. hanging out with friends and talking about nothing and everything
3. a hug and kiss from my son 
4. seeing a friend after a long time 
5. spending time with family 
6. being told that you look good by someone who matters 
7. losing 3 lbs in one week ... YEY! 
8. listening to good music 
9. GLEE! 
10. a tight hug from someone ... 
11. a good book ... 
12. colored pencils and pen 
13. coffee coffee coffee 
14. shoes that look good and fit well .... 

What are the things that make you smile? 

Thursday, February 17, 2011

maybe ... this is all we have ....

a smile ...
a kiss ...
a hug ...
a touch ...
a laugh ...

a text that says mwah
a memory that reminds
a chat box that says hey

These are the things that remind me of you ... no pictures, no tangible things that I can hold on to. Memories ... mere memories that make me smile like a fool ... that I question from time to time.

Is this real?
Am I creating it all in my head?
Will this  last?
Will it lead to something good?
Will it just die a natural death?

You say I ask too many questions. I know I do. They just pop into my head ... and they give birth to so many other questions. You think I ask too many questions but I have not asked you even half of what is on my mind. I refuse to. I know that I have no right to ask them.

Are you real?
Are you lying?
Am I wrong to believe?
Am I right to doubt?

Moments ... this is all we have ... memories ... this is all that I have. Maybe this is all that we will have ... maybe, just maybe, it will lead to something more ...

* random thoughts while listening to Need You Now by Lady Antebellum

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Valentines 2011

Valentines this year was pretty quiet. No big fuss, no headache, no too much effort and worrying. I liked it actually. I met up with K and had dinner at Bon Chon and ended up talking till late at night. It was one of those talks that jumped from one topic to another. It just kept going and going and going.

I did not get any gift this Valentine nor did I get a single rose. I did make sure that my Mom will get a rose at the very least and so I placed this  on her bedroom  door. See last photo.

Yep! That's my work of art. LOL.

So there ... the simplest Valentines I have ever had but still equally memorable.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

just breathe ...

Today, I woke up with a bad start. It seems the flight I booked last week did not go through. ^&*%&$*#&#. Yep. So at 530am, I was online booking a flight for tonight. Now, I need to find someone to go with me since I need to pick her up at 12midnight. Yep. 12 midnight. Sheesh.

So today, I need to remind myself to "just breathe." I need to remind myself this when I am falling asleep since I have had 3 hours of sleep, when my patience is dying since I have no sleep, and when I am lost later on the way to the airport and most likely have encountered a minimum of 5 freaks.

Just breathe.

good times with family friends ...

Nothing beats hanging out with people who know you and accept you for who you are, and nothing is even better than hanging out with people who have seen you grown up, make mistakes, get back on your feet  and still accept you, mistakes and all.

Last Sunday, our family trooped over to MOA to do just that. We spent the day with family friends and I love how things just fall into place even though you haven't seen each other for a long time. The sense of familiarity was just there and I treasure that.

So, as with tradition ... here are the photos that will be cherished forever and hopefully printed before my sister turns 18. LOL. (stated because my 2008 photos have not been printed yet.)

Yep! They are family. Love 'em.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Monday Affirmations # 4

In a world where love supposedly makes the world go round, people seem to thrive most and are able to be more productive when someone goes through a downfall or a heartache. Ironic isn't it? People would tell you when you want to lose weight that its hard or impossible ... or they would say why do you want to be single when being in a relationship is the way to go ... or that you are crazy when you want to pursue a different thing from the one you are normally used to.

People would always say it's impossible or you can't do it. Don't they realize that ...


So go out there and tell people, "Watch me do it!" because you can. No one can tell you that you cannot do it or that you don't have what it takes. NO ONE. The only person who can stop you is you. Why would you let you keep yourself down?

So go ahead, say it ... "WATCH ME do it!"

I'll be watching and waiting for YOU to succeed.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

munimuni # 60

This week passed by in a blur. Literally. I don't have much to say since it was all pretty much work, work, work. I hope next week will be better.

a glance at yesterday ...

Last February, I remember going out with someone I thought I  loved and cared for but having a moment of self doubt. I was with him but deep inside, I remember thinking, is this it? Is there nothing more?

My inner self was alerting me at that time that there  was something  wrong but I chose to ignore it. I thought I knew better and so I went through months of self loathing, over analyzing, and dissecting every single word, movement, and thought he made. In short, I went through hell for a guy that was not worth it.

12 months later and 9 months of being single, I took a glance at my past and realize that I have grown up so much. I am no longer neurotic and dissecting every single move, nonmove, text, nontext, and what have you a guy makes. I am no longer waiting patiently or impatiently for a guy to text me or call me. I am no longer stopping my life for a guy.

12 months later and I'm realizing that a guy is luck to have me in his life ... to have me shine my light on him. If he can't realize that, then he is a waste of time and space. 12 months later, I can finally look back and realize that I have grown so much.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Momo Cafe

Today, I had the chance to eat at a restaurant called Momo Cafe with my good friend, Janina. She was actually the one who spotted the place and suggested we try it out. Kudos to that because by the end of the lunch, we were so full that we had a hard time walking back to the office. LOL.

Here is what it looks like ...

and here is the table setting ...

and of course the food ... the seafood casserole is worth every peso because it is fresh, creamy, chewy, and tasty. IT ROCKS!

Janina and I were not  able to finish it. Seriously. We tried but I think we left about 4 spoonfuls. Haha.


Momo Cafe is located at Ayala Triangle.
Price Range is P250 - 500 per dish but its for sharing.