Monday, January 31, 2011

you were meant to ...

You take my breath away
You make me feel all kinds of crazy
You make me all kinds of happy.

Monday Affirmations # 3

Over the weekend, I had more than 4 people tell me to stop worrying ... to take it easy since life is just too damn short. 4 people at least and they were people I would definitely say were my friends. When a random online stranger told me the same thing, it was like "Boom! You must be really stressed if a random stranger can sense it!" 
This is why for this weeks affirmation, I would like to remind myself to take it easy ... to chill ... to relax. I would like to remind myself that life IS too short to worry so much about. I will also refuse to carry on grudges and since I don't have stones to write my woes on, I will use tumblr. LOL. It's a good thing no one knows what my tumblr is though for those contain my craziest woes, discomfort,doubts, and pain. It's a good outlet to have I believe. 

So for this week, if I feel something negative, I'll just post it there. 

Happy Monday.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

and just like that ...

you turn my world upside down
you give me butterflies in my stomach
you make me doubt myself
you make me second guess myself
you turn my smile into a frown
you turn my tears into a smile
you make me crazy
you make me happy
you make me smile.

bag of stones ...

I was watching the film "Miss You Like Crazy" and I fell in love with the idea of the heroine writing down all her problems on a piece of stone and leaving those stones. In some way, it is very therapeutic. I also like what she said about just writing it down on stone because stones don't get hurt. You can tell the stones your problem cause if you do it with people, people could get hurt.

I wish I had a bag of stones. I can just write down my woes and blues there and just leave it. I wish it was as easy as that ...  a bag of stones that can absorb all the pains, doubts, worries, and troubles you have deep inside you.

I wish you could say these things and place them on stone and they magically disappear. I wish it was that easy but its not. For now though, I just wish I have a bag of stones just like that and a magic marker to write down my thoughts to.

munimuni # 58

The last week was a bit crazy. Too many highs and lows and honestly, I can do without these drama by next week. I've shed too many  tears and some of them were shed without really knowing what it was for. Some were shed for someone who is confused and trying to cope the best way he can but inadvertently hurt me in the process. Some were shed for the uncertainty of the future. Most of all, tears were shed for myself. 

Letters ...this week  was all about letters. I wrote letters to Juliet, I wrote letters to someone who will never see that letter, I wrote a letter  to my MIA best friend, and I wrote letters to God. I kept writing letters and hoping that someday, those letters will be  answered.

This week has been such an eye opener and shifts in paradigm. I hope I can maintain what I need to maintain and remember what I need to. It's just been such a challenge. I just need to remember ... 

So there.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

crazy happy

I was thinking of the best title that would suit this post. I couldn't think of anything. I racked my brain for the last 2 days thinking of one and now, in the middle of a conversation with someone, when this person asked me "how does he make you feel" and I replied "crazy happy" that I realized, that was the title of this blog entry.

It fits. Crazy happy is what I am when he is there; when he smiles, when we talk, when he holds my hand. Crazy happy.

We mesh, you and I. We fit like peas in a pod. Sometimes you irritate me but I easily forgive. And I know that ...

You do not know this. I am not ready to admit it and say it out loud. Let's just say I care a lot ... so much. Right now, you are down and feeling miserable and for some STUPID INANE reason, you decided to shut me off. You know what?

So there ... we've had  dates 4, 5,  6, and .5. It's been all great and times spent was worth it. We talk. We talk and talk and talk and never seem to run out of things to say. We just talk. I love it. I love the talking part. I love it when you smile and I make you laugh.

We're not together and I don't know if we ever will be. I hope that there will come a time when you are ready and I am ready; that our problems have all been fixed and we can just focus on being together and forging something great. If not though ...

Lastly, what I like about you is that you believe in this. It may hurt me from time to time but at least I know you are always honest.

Its crazy coz its fairly new but I feel like I've gotten to  know you well enough. Not all of you but at least I know some parts of you and even with flaws and all ... I'm good with it. I've been struggling  the whole day and I try not to let it affect me. I wanted to let go you know, to just step back and stop caring but ...

And I think about you ... I know I shouldn't say it because you might use my emotions against me but I believe that if you are worth  all these feelings I am starting to feel ... you would be this.

You won't break mine, not intentionally. And I believe that ...

You know why? Because ...

I do plan to take revenge on you for making me crazy and happy.

but if you feel that I am cold or has placed a wall between us ... its simply because ...

So if I run away ... will you follow? I wish you would because ...


So there.

*** images are not mine. 

I am a woman over 30!

just so you know...

A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask,
“What are you thinking?” She doesn’t care what you think.

If a woman over 30 doesn’t want to watch the game, she doesn’t sit
around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it’s
usually something more interesting.

A woman over 30 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is,
what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 30
give a damn what you might think about her or what she’s doing.

Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you
at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if
you deserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can
get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what
it’s like to be unappreciated.

A woman over 30 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women
friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best
friend because she doesn’t trust the guy with other women. Women over 30
couldn’t care less if you’re attracted to her friends because she knows
her friends won’t betray her.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a
woman over 30. They Always Know.

A woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true
of younger women.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 30 is far sexier than
her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They’ll tell you right off if you
are a Jerk if you are acting like one! You don’t ever have to wonder
where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately,
it’s not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman
of 30+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of
himself with some 22-year-old waitress

Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, “Why buy the cow when
you can get the milk for free”. Here’s an update for you.

Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize
it’s not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage!

*** got this from a message board who shall not be named! I love it. 

Friday, January 28, 2011

Thursday, January 27, 2011

the UST experience (1611 - 2011)

I was invited to attend the countdown to the 400 year anniversary of UST. It's funny coz my ex invited me to attend this one when we were still together. Obviously, we weren't going together and I thought that I'd never go but as fate would have it, I met NJ and he's from UST.

As fate would have it as well, I was free to go and so I joined him and here are the photos of the UST experience I had.

So there we were ... he tried to give me a tour of the entire school but we only managed to see a few buildings. I am honestly impressed with the architecture of the buildings. It was simply amazing. I wish I could go back in broad daylight and take photos. It is truly worth a photowalk.

Of course the night ended with us having dinner somewhere and I had only one request ... that he take me to a place that could not be found anywhere else except for UST and he did.

BURP! And that was how we ended the night.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Old Manila, you haunt me ...

Have you felt an affinity with a place? Have you ever felt the need to go to a certain place but can't  really explain why? You just have to go there. You just need to be there.

I feel this way about Old Manila. I am drawn to Intramuros and to Vigan. I feel like I should be there, I should explore, and just stay there. I don't feel the need to be in that place time and again but when someone mentions them or I am near, I am simply ... drawn.

This photo, I don't find it hard to see myself wearing a Maria Clara outfit and walking along the halls ... even possibly with a lover. We'd talk and walk and just bask in each other's company.

I can see myself running here and asking for help. Help that is not given because I have done something unforgiveable.

I can  see myself in here, bleeding and dying, pining for my one true love; knowing that since we did not fulfill our love, we will in another  lifetime.

I can see myself in here waiting for my lover to come and get me. I wait and wait and he never comes. Still, I wait.

And here ... this is where we met. Our eyes locked and the world stopped.

I am drawn.

dear best friend ...

You! I hate you! You told me that we shouldn't get together so that we can remain in each other's lives. You told me that if we stayed as best friends, then we would be together until we both grow old and die. You promised me that no matter what, you will never leave me. You would always be there.

Where are you now? I need you. I need you so much. I need my Nald. I need to talk to you the same way I used to talk to you almost every Sunday morning. I want to be able to call you right now and just cry, the same way you used to listen to me cry for hours. I need that. I miss that.

I'm so lost Nald. I'm so confused, hurt, and angry. I'm in so much pain. I need you to tell me I'll be okay. I need you to remind me that I'm strong enough to overcome this.

Remember when that horrible thing happened? You talked to me. You listened to me. You told me that I'll be okay and I was. You told me that I'd forget that nightmare and I did. I was able to do it because you believed in me the way you always have since we were kids. I was able to overcome it because you were there.

Now, you're not here. I tried to call your number and it can't be reached. I guess it is saying the truth. You can no longer be reached by me. Sometimes, I wonder, if we got together before, maybe I'd still know where you are. Maybe, I'd be able to contact you somehow.

Maybe ... just maybe ... you'd be here beside me telling me once again that it will all be okay.

I miss you ...

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

letter to Juliet Capulet

Dear Juliet,

I want a man who is smarter than me or at least as smart as I am. I want to be able to sit down over coffee and talk for hours on end without getting bored. I want to learn new things from him and I want him to want to learn new things from me.

I want a man who has a sense of humor that is at par with mine. I want to laugh with him, not at him.  I want to be able to crack jokes that are really corny and elicit a laughter.

I want someone who respects me and will take care of me. In return, I will support him in anything he does and if I disagree with something he says or does, I will tell him when it is just the two of us. In return, I will take care of him as well in a way no one else has.

I want someone sweet; someone who will not be ashamed to hold my hand in public and who will accept me, flabs and all. In turn, I will do what I can to always look my best so that he would be proud whenever people admire me because it is his hands that I am holding.

I want someone who will accept that I have a soiled past and that I have done things I am not proud of. I want someone who can accept me at my worst and still stand beside me and tell me he loves me. I plan to do the same to him. When he is weak, I will be his strength. When I am all broken, I want him to hold me, hug me, and just be there.

I want someone who will sing me love songs, dance with me out of the blue, and stare at me when I sleep. I want the fairytale but I also want us to be realistic and know that there will be trials and we will hurt each other (unintentionally) but as long as we sort things out and work on it TOGETHER, then things will be fine.

I want someone who will be faithful to me. I want to be able to sleep at night even when he is out with friends because I know that he will not cheat on  me, that though he may admire other women, he will not do anything to damage our relationship nor hurt me. I want to be able to trust him 100%.

I want someone who will make it a point to get along with my family and friends for I plan to do the same. We will be merging our two families and circles so it does matter. There has to be some harmony there somewhere.

I want to be able to pick a fight with him and know that at the end of the fight, we will sit down and talk. I want him to let me rant when I need to and to hug me when I am done. I will leave him and let him simmer until he is okay and when he's ready,  I will engulf him in a massive hug and give him 100 butterfly kisses.  I will make sure that  I erase whatever pain I caused him and I will let him do the same.

I need him to understand that I have dumb blonde  moments, that I lose poise at times, and I have a tendency to fall flat on my face. If there is a crack somewhere in the pavement, my feet will find it and I will stumble or fall. He also has to accept that I laugh loudly or like a hyena at times. In social functions, I do avoid that. He also has to accept that I am a kid at heart. I love my balloons, Care Bears, coloring books, crayons, colored pencils, notebooks, and musical carousels. Cotton candy with milk powder makes me uberly happy.

Lastly, I want someone with whom I can just curl up in bed on a Saturday night and watch movies with; sit on a porch while holding hands and doing nothing, and grow old with.

I don't need him to be as gorgeous as Tom Cruise or to have the body of a Calvin Klein model. He just needs to be taller than I am, can engulf me in his embrace, and be pleasing to MY eyes. 

If that is too much to ask, I would have to disagree. I am all those to that someone and if he can't be that person for me, then I'd rather be alone. But ... Juliet, can you just please make sure that I get my own Romeo? I'm not really asking for much. Right?

Monday, January 24, 2011

K as Lakambini (muse)

Today, we woke up way too early to lend support to my sister who was hailed muse for her class. As always, I am the resident photographer of the family. She did pretty well and we're very proud. She's not only smart, but gorgeous as well.

Proof? Here you go.