Sunday, April 30, 2017

on being a single mom and circumcision ....

I have been able to coast along being a single Mom for the last 8 years or so. I have managed to always find a good answer, a sensible one, or produce something out of nothing when needed to compensate for the fact that there is no Daddy in the picture.

This time around, I could not coast. I rammed straight into the wall and had no answer for my son's questions about circumcision and what happens before, during, and after. I had absolutely no idea what to say, how to deal, and what to do with it. I mean, how would I know? I'm a girl.

Due to this, I cursed B's Dad in my head. He was the one who did not want to have B circumcised when B was just a baby because he said it would make for a great bonding between him and our son. Now, he's nowhere to be seen and I am left to fend on my own with the situation. Thankfully, D came to the rescue.

I really am grateful for D. He talked B through it and even went all the way to our place to be with B during the process. He alleviated B's fears and it was just a really awesome gesture. Kindness in it's purest form. I mean, he didn't have to do it but he willingly volunteered and for a single Mom who felt helpless about things, this was just such a welcome respite.

I was a wreck. D kept telling me to relax but I just couldn't. I guess it's innate in a Mom to be nervous when you know that there will be pain involved for your child and there is nothing you can do about it. Thankfully, he was there to just help B get over things and understand what was happening. I mean, I couldn't even look at B's wound. It was too much and I felt like passing out.

I know. I am worthless.

This is why I am extremely grateful to D as well as my family coz they are there when I can't handle things. It really is true when people say it takes a village to raise a child. I wouldn't be able to handle things on my own and I am just thankful that God sends angels my way.

Monday, April 17, 2017

it has been 4 years ...

4 years ago today, I was on my knees begging someone to not leave me. I pleaded, cajoled, and yes begged. I seeked his forgiveness and asked him to love me just a bit more.

He said no.

This was the start of the end of who I was and the beginning of who I am now. 4 years ago, someone broke me into a million pieces and I thought I would never get over that pain. It was a pain that traumatized me and left a huge mark on my entirety. It has made such a impact that I still cringe till now when someone gets too close. I don't know if I could ever be that fragile or trusting of someone again.

He made me believe in love and in him then he took it all away.

He was the first guy to break my heart that day.

4 years ago today, the man I should have been able to trust with my whole life also destroyed me and my family. The man who should never have broken my heart broke it more severely than the first guy. At the same time, he released me from seeking his approval and love for the last 33 years of my life.

He was the second man to break my heart that day.

4 years later, here I am, still standing and now I know that I am stronger than I look and I have a lot more in me that the world has yet to discover. A lot of people have boxed me into princess / high maintenance gal / maarte / bitch / maldita and what not.

I am so much more than that. The last 4 years have proven that. I just wish the Universe would grant me more time in this world to show everyone what I am made of.

There is still more to discover and learn. There is still more to who I am than what you see, what you perceive, what you think. I am more than who you think I am.

Saturday, April 15, 2017

I left my sanity in Baler

I have never been curious about Baler. I've often heard this is where people go to find themselves amidst the waves crashing on the shore, the strong hits slowly soothing away the pain that they feel and easing calm into their hearts once it all subsides. 

I've never been curious about you. Frankly when we met, you made an impression but it was fleeting. It was only later on when we got the chance to talk that I became mildly curious. Now I question if that curiousity is what will kill this Kat. See what I did there? Perhaps not. After all, ignoring me has been part of your game all along. 

Frankly, I had too many pains to just be soothed by a mere wave. How can a wave soothe the pains left by others? How can the calming sounds of the ocean make me feel better when nothing else has? 

How can you make me smile then leave me feeling empty? How can you make me laugh out loud then have me shedding tears because of an insensitive remark? How can you heal my pains with a hug then add to it when you forget my existence? 

Baler was my home for 2 days. For two days, it pulled me in just like the waves and wouldn't let me go as much as I struggled to break free. It held me in it's arms laughing at my protest and hooking me in until I can resist no more. 

For two days, it pushed me away and made me feel that I was nothing but trash that it did not want or need. When I ran after it, it would hold out its arm and then pull away just when I thought I could hold on to it. It laughed at my attempts and mocked me for even trying. 

Baler welcomed me with open arms with its pretty beaches and magnificent waterfalls. It also spat me out with a vengeance with its slippery slope and strong currents. To this moment, I do not know if Baler hates me or loves me. 

Just like you ... you brought me to Baler and I know not if you like me or I am just a toy you play with to amuse you. It is exasperating but what is more frustrating is that I still find myself drawn to you. I can't seem to leave and my feet keep digging in the sand that is you. When I struggle to pull away, the sand becomes quicksand and I am sucked in. 

You are like Baler. You and I seem to not fit but I find myself adjusting in the hopes that one day you'd turn around and say, "hey, welcome home." For now, you are Baler. I am but a mere visitor just hoping to survive this trip as unscathed as I possibly can be but knowing that I will have more than a few marks. 

Thursday, April 13, 2017

how Bo's Coffee stole my heart

All of you know that I have always been a fan of Starbucks. Everyone who has spent at least a week's worth of time with me would know that I breathe Starbucks coffee so this may come as a surprise to all that lately, I have been drinking gallons of Bo's Coffee. To be exact, I have been drinking the Cold Brew Coffee with Peppermint of Bo's Coffee and this all started last March when Bo's Coffee flew me to Cebu along with D.

It was actually D who introduced the drink to me on our 1st night there. I think I drank around 4 cup of this and on the 4th cup, he had the fantastic idea of putting in peppermint. It was definitely a win.

We learned a lot about how Bo's grew as a local coffee shop to now having 92 stores and they are not about to stop. They plan to expand until they reach their 100th store. I'm actually excited for them and as much as I love Starbucks, I'm equally excited about this local homegrown brew.

After all, they really reach out to the local farming community and support them. The CEO even makes sure that there will be real profit for the farmers they work with because he would like to ensure that everything is sustainable. This deserve a thumbs up sign for me.

Lately, I have found myself enjoying the perks of staying at Bo's Coffee. Free WiFi and socket plus the fact that it is almost always never full is definitely a huge factor. It seems D has an effect on me and my taste in coffee. I'd still buy coffee from Starbucks but now, Bo's Coffee is definitely another option which I think is a good thing. After all, there is always room for more than one kind of coffee in my heart.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

let me love you when you are not worthy of being loved

Do you even really know him?

This is something that friends would always ask me when I mention you.

You barely know him.
It's too early.
It's too soon.
You're just going to get hurt again.
He doesn't even know you exist.

They might be right. Or they may be wrong. Who's to say what is right and wrong when emotions are involved? Who can really tell someone that it is wrong to want someone to be happy? Who can say "don't love this person because he will just hurt you."

If it was so easy to follow, shouldn't there be less hearts broken and more relationships intact?

You may not be someone worthy of loving.
You may not be someone worthy of affection.
You may not be someone worthy of anything.

However, this heart has decided that you are worthy of all these and more. This heart has decided that I need to get to know you ... to see all the imperfections and accept it for all these flaws are part of who you are. This heart has decided that it will love you for all that you are, regardless if you notice me or love me back for this heart just loves.

It just loves and even when it doesn't get loved back, it chooses to love until there is nothing left of it. It has always been like that. It loves and loves until there is nothing and then it slowly rebuilds. It cannot love any other way. This is the only way it knows how.

I see your flaws but I also see your potentials. I see the good that you try to hide under the facade of not wanting to care or love. I see the beauty that is in your heart that has been broken so many times by people you loved who did not love you back. I see the longing in your heart to have someone tell you they won't leave because there has been way too many goodbyes and too little "I'm here to stay."

I see all these and more.
I see you.

I don't just see the arrogant jerk who pretends to not care.
I don't just see the confused child who can't understand why he's alone.
I don't just see the hurt young man who just wanted to love.

I see you.
I see all of you.
I see your flaws and potentials.
I see the good and the bad.
I see the ugly and the worst side of you.
I see you.

So if you will let me ... I would like to love you even when you are not worthy of being loved because that is just your opinion of yourself. I would like to love you even when you are not worthy of being loved so that I can show you how worthy you are of being loved if you will just let me.

Monday, April 10, 2017

Day 2 in Malaysia

Read about Day 1 here.

Day 2 in Malaysia started out pretty early since this was crunch time and where our actual work was supposed to happen. We had to wake up pretty early even though we had a late night because on our 2nd day, we had to put on our long gowns, accessories, and high heels. It was time for Influence Asia.

The one thing that excited me the most though about Influence Asia was that it had a fantastic view of the Petronas Twin Towers. Yes, that’s how crazy I am hahaha. I was walking towards the Plenary Hall and when I turned to my left, there it was in all its glory. To say that I was in awe would be an understatement.

We had fun posing with it as our background and seeing all the different media personalities in their finest gowns and black ties was definitely a kick. I don’t know about most people but I find that occasionally getting all dressed up can be quite fun. I mean, how often do you get to wear a long gown?

After the show, we headed back to our hotel, did a really quick change and went down to the 14th floor where we had one of the biggest dinners we possibly could get for 200RM. Since I was the foodie in the group, I ordered and ended up with 6 Malaysian dishes. Yes, I am awesome. LOL.

We went shopping at LOL afterwards which is like the local Uniqlo and it was just so amazing that it was right below the hotel we were staying at. Talk about convenience. We also got to leave our shopping bags at the Concierge before we headed to Oldtown Coffee House which is one of the local coffee shops in Malaysia.

I loved the vibe and feel of the place. It was rustic yet homey. The Teh Tarik I had was pretty awesome. I was so happy that our little group got along so well and adjusted to each other’s quirks. Though full, they indulged me when I ordered Kaya Toast, Roti with Condensed Milk and a bingsu like dessert. I explained that since it was my first time, I was curious about Malaysian food and they just indulged me. Awesome women right?

After having coffee, we met up with the person who invited us to Malaysia (his name is Ed) and Gabbi who was in charge of making sure that we (PH media) were all good and well taken care of. We walked around, took photos, did a lot of OOTD and IG worthy shots, and then settled down in Johnny Rockets. This was where I got to try Durian Oreo. I would have to say that I loved the durian but the oreo part, not so much.

Final stop was for the 3 of us to walk and find the Petronas Tower. This was actually my only bucket list and Maggie and Yanna indulged me. They’ve been to Malaysia before and I was the newbie but they walked with me, posed some more where we could find IG worthy frames, and then when we finally saw the Petronas Tower lit up in all its glory, they marveled with me.

To say that the Petronas Tower delivered on all its promise is an understatement. It was magnificent. It was marvelous. It was IPOTA. It was just stunning. The two towers glittered and sparkled and just mesmerized. It was definitely a sight to see.

I loved that they took a lot of photos of me and I have so many options to choose from but I would have to say that I am so thankful I had the OPPO F3 Plus wide angle selfie because we finally got the shot we all wanted of the Petronas Tower in the background in all its glory while we took selfies. We also managed a groufie and the photo is just stunning. I am so, so happy.

To end the night, I took a video of us facing the Petronas Twin Tower and it’s so funny that when I was about to show off the Petronas Twin Tower, it turned off its light just in time to be captured on film.  I met wonderful people in Malaysia and though we may not be able to hang out back in Manila, we will always have the fondest memories of Malaysia. Thank you Malaysia. You were truly amazing. 

Friday, April 7, 2017

Day 1 in Malaysia

Today was an awesome day. They said that if you need something, ask the Universe and if you want it bad enough, the Universe gives it to you. One of the things that I have asked for and I asked this because it is more of a want than a need was to travel more.

You see, I cannot make it a need because I am a single Mom and I need to support my child. This means making sacrifices and one of them would be travelling for leisure. Thankfully, the Universe listened and I am able to travel due to my work. This is the case for being here in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. 

I was sent here to cover Influence Asia, the biggest social media awards happening in Asia and truly, it is an honor. I am representing the magazine and the other 2 media invited were from Preview and Manila Bulletin. How awesome is that???? 

arrived in Malaysia

We had no problems breezing through immigration which is always a good thing. After all, no one ever wants to have issues with immigration. I have to say that the Kuala Lumpur airport is not as impressive as that of Hong Kong but it is better than NAIA. There was also a bit of delay with the immigration but nothing that could dampen our spirits. 

Reminder to all. You are apparently not allowed to take photos of any part of the immigration area. I did not know this and took a few snaps but luckily was not caught or else I would have been in hot water. Eeekkk. 

We were picked up and finally got to our hotel which was Berjaya Times Square and may I just say thank you to GushCloudPH for taking care of us. This is my room. Yes, MY ROOM. I have this whole place to myself and I feel so pampered. 


We also managed to grab a late lunch and we used the 100RM voucher given to us. We were in awe because the food here is cheap but really good. We ordered 2 kinds of noodles, 12 stick chicken satay, and french fries. The chicken satay and french fries were the winners of this meal. They were just really good.

Maggie of Manila Bulletin and Yanna of Preview
After this, we were shipped to the Mandarin Hotel where the presenters were holding a presscon and we got to meet them all. 

There were so many lessons imparted by these influencers but what I got from them was that:

1. It's okay to be different. Stand out instead of blending in.
2. Listen to yourself and not what other people have to say esp when it's all negative.
3. Content is key.
4. You need to constantly put yourself out there and come up with new things.
5. It's all about being in the NOW. NOW, not later.

PH and Indonesian Media

International Media from Philippines, SG, Thailand, and Indonesia
It was a pretty surreal experience being tagged as International Media to be honest but it felt good to have the Philippines recognized. I was surrounded with beauty and lifestyle magazines and online platforms and it felt like a validation having PSST as part of this.

Afterwards, we went around the city and tried to soak in as much as we could of the city. I will do another post on our OOTD and travel photos of the night we went around but for now, let's leave you with this. 

new friends made in KL, Malaysia

PS. A total stranger offered us free ice cream outside McDonald's. Awesome way to end the night.

Read about Day 2 here.

we'll always have SIPA

Let me introduce you to SIPA. Yes, sipa is the name of this delicious deep friend thing. It contains something juicy and flavorful inside. It's quite interesting really coz after having eaten at least 5 pieces of this, I still couldn't figure out what was inside the wrapper. It's definitely some sort of meat. One thing I know is that it tasted good.

SIPA also happens to be a favorite of D. He told me about this before and finally, after a couple of months, he was able to had me try this. I fell in love with every bite that we took and the smile on my face definitely showed that I appreciated his efforts in bringing me to this place. Add the fact that we have been having one misunderstanding after another since Cebu so this was a welcome respite from all the arguments.

Last night, we finally signed up our site and we chose to have the 10 years ownership of the site. I told him that this is a commitment that we would need to really keep. I told him that should we fight, we can't let our prides get the better of us; that we needed to put the other first.

He scoffed much to my chagrin but then he proceeded to explain. Apparently, he wasn't worried at all about our possible fights because in his head, we do put the other ahead of everything  and he knew in his head that yes, we would fight, we would frustrate each other, and we would make each other mad but at the end of the day, we would say sorry and we'll always have sipa.

I love what he said. It was very reassuring. Now, should we fight, I will just have to hold on to what he said tonight and that is no matter what, we will always have SIPA.

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Travel in Style with Eye Society and Star Cruises

We've always seen images of stars and celebrities aboard a cruise ship toting their gorgeous sunnies and admit it or not, you've found yourself fantasizing about doing the same thing. After all, who doesn't want to go on a cruise while wearing really nice sunglasses?

Buy a pair of stylish designer sunglasses from Eye Society and you might just end up wearing them on a free trip aboard the luxury cruise liner Star Cruises Virgo. Eye Society, the premier eyewear boutique is known for its wide collection of international designer eyewear brands and the world's best lenses is rewarding customers with a single receipt purchase worth Php10,000 or more this summer with a chance to win the Eye Society

Travel in Styleraffle promo. You get the chance to win a 6 days 5 nights cruise for 2 aboard the Star Cruise Virgo.


What's more is that you can enjoy the following summer deals that will surely let you travel in style because Eye Society is extending a special 20% discount on graded sunglasses to let you experience the comfort and convenience of wearing prescription on your favorite sunglasses. There is no need to wear contact lenses now.

If you happen to buy a RAy-Ban, you also become eligible to win a trip to London on top of the Travel in Style lunch and raffle promo. Last, you may also double your chance of winning if you use your BDO credit card during the BDO VIP Shopping days on April 21 to 23, 2017.

The promo period for Eye Society's Travel in Style Raffle runs from March 15 to May 31, 2017. Raffle draw will be on June 20, 2017 and announcement of winners will be on June 21, 2017. Travel cruise dates run from June 22 to December 31, 2017. Terms and conditions apply. Per DTI permit number 3347 series of 2017.

Sa Wakas by Karel Marquez

Sa wakas
Dumating na rin ako dito
Malayo sa kaguluhan at ingay ng mundo
Isang lugar na ang langit ay dagat at ang dagat ay langit

Sa pagtingala ako’y nilamon ng ulap
Na tila ba ang buhay ay walang bahid ng hirap
Pinakalma ang kumakabog na damdamin
Ng mga ibong humuhuni ng harana sa akin

Napapanatag sa mga along humahampas
Sa dalampasigang umaawas
At napapangiti sa halik ng hanging walang habas

Nananaghinip ba ako?
Paano ba ako umabot dito?

Magsimula tayo sa wakas
Sa mga naiwang bakas
Kung kailan ko tinalikuran ang entablado
Binitawan ang mikropono
Iniwasan ang mga naglalakihang ilaw
Na tila ba ako’y nasilaw
Hinayaan ang humahangos na damdamin ang magdikta
Kung sa’n ako pupunta
Hanggang sa madapa na

Pero hindi lahat ng nadadapa ay nananatili sa ibaba
Kumapit ka lang at maniwala
Hawakan ang lubid, tibayan ang bisig
Dahan-dahan kang umahon
Alalahanin na hindi ka mauubusan ng rason
Para tumayong muli
At mahanap ang mga nawalang ngiti

Dahil muling kakatok ang tadhana
Ang mga bituin ay muling magpapakita

Kaya ko pa ba?
Isusugal ko ba?

Maaalala na minsan ka nang nakinig
Sa mga himig ng pag-ibig
Kasabay din ng pag-alala
Na minsan ka na rin nitong niyanig

Pero susugal ako
Susugal ako pero

Lalapit sa distansyang sapat lang
Sa distansyang sakto lang
Para maabot ko siya
Maramdaman ka niya
Magtanong ng mga bagay mula sa pinakamalalim
Hanggang sa walang kwenta

Distansyang sapat lang

Na tulad sa pagitan ng isang pintor at ng puting tela
Tititgan, pag-iisipan bago simulan ang obra

Magsisimulang gumuhit, buburahin ang pangit
Makikipagbatuhan ng mga salitang tutugma
Sa saya at pait

Magbabakasakaling muling tumibok
Ang damdaming matagal nang tumiklop

Mula sa distansyang sapat lang

Para agad kong makita kung may dahilan
Para ipagpatuloy pa
Dahil kung wala
Ay pupunitin ko na

Pero iba ka

Hindi ko mapigilang mas lumapit pa
Na para bang ang sapat ay kulang na
Lalapit ako
At lalapit pa ako
Hanggang sa maabot mo ang pagkatao ko
Hanggang maniwala ulit
At managhinip
Hanggang mapalawak ang mundong sumikip
Hanggang sa matagpuan ang akalang hindi na mahahanap
Dahil matagal na pala tong nakasulat sa ulap
Matagal nang hinuhuni ng ibon
Matagal nang tinuturo ng alon
Na sa isang sulok ng mundong bukod pa dito
May naghihintay
Na katumbas mo

Magsimula tayo sa wakas
Sa wakas, magsisimula na tayo

Fresh Matte Summer Look

One of the most frustrating things to experience under the blistering heat of the summer rays is looking like something the cat dragged in. Even when you have your make up on, it can get really ugly when the sun decides to hit you with it's harmful rays.

In this season of beaches, sunnies, and swimsuits, how can you manage to stay beautiful and fresh with the summer in a tropical country like ours? Worry not because Maybelline New York, the No. 1 make up brand in the world actually came up with new products to address your dilemma. This Summer 2017, cop that fresh matte summer look with Maybelline's Super BB Fresh Matte Cushion + Master Strobing Stick for a fun-filled season you'll never forget.

The Maybelline Super BB Fresh Matte Cushion gives you a matte poreless perfection with just a tap. This is the first ever BB matte cushion that offers mattifying high coverage while still giving off that fresh and lightweight hydrating feeling to your skin which makes it even more suitable for our hot and humid season. Bonus part is that it has SPF 25 PA+.

The Maybelline Master Strobing Stick is the first illuminating and highlighting stick that adds targeted dimension to the face for the ultimate strobe effect. The ceamy formula with micro-fine perals combine to boost skin glow. Apply this to the target planes of your face and see how easy it is to achieve a perfect glow from within look which makes it an absolute summer look.

maybelline ph 2

These are the 2 looks you can achieve with the Maybelline Super BB Fresh Matte Cushion and the Maybelline Master Strobing Stick. You can go from day to night by adjusting your eyeshadow and lipstick. The rest will be taken cared of by Maybelline.

Grab these perfect makeup combo - the Super Fresh BB Matte Cushion available in Light and Natural for only Php749 and the Master Strobing Stick available in Nude and Pink for only Php399. Available in select Maybelline counters nationwide and in Maybelline's Page in Lazada.