Thursday, September 29, 2016

my heart fluttered ...

It's been a while since this happened to me. It's been a year actually. The last time I felt my heart flutter was over a year ago and it was quite shocking ... to feel that small fluttering ... that small awakening.

Should I run? Should I hide? Should I stop all communications and block this person?

These were the first thoughts that went into my head soon as I felt that little movement. After all, I have gotten used to being on my own. I have gotten used to not answering to anyone except my Mom. I have gotten used to being alone and not being part of a duo.

Would I be okay if there's someone in my life? Am I ready? Should I go for it? Is it worth it?

I do not know the answers to this. What I do know is that when he looked at me, I felt giddy. When he stared, I felt like one of those girls in a romantic movie scene. When he held my hand, I had to exert all effort to take it away because it wasn't right ... it wasn't time.

I do not know what the future holds with this guy ... all I know is that tonight ... after a year of being silent ... my heart fluttered.

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Goodbye Mystic Brew

I first stepped inside this place around 3 years ago. A friend from college kept telling me to go but I couldn't find it. It was just a chance moment when I actually passed by this place one day and I guess it was fate.

I stepped inside this place not knowing that it would become another home to me. Without realizing it, this place became a neighborhood cafe to me, similar to that of the cafe you'd see in a TV show and come to love. 

Mystic became a sanctuary to me. It was where I would write, where I would work when I need inspiration, where I would hang out to sing, discuss, and argue with like minded people who respect differences ... it was where I learned to pick up the broken pieces of myself and it was where I healed myself. 

Mystic is not just a coffee shop to me. It is a safe place, a place where I can be me and be accepted. It was where I can tell of my accomplishments and have people cheer me on. It was where I could cry and have people just leave me be when I am not yet ready to talk. 

Mystic is a second home. It was where I can simply be Kenny aside from my own home. Now, the time has come to close the door to the old Mystic Brew to make way for a new one. They will be closing for a week and on Sunday, a new Mystic Brew Cafe will open. This time, it's much nearer my home (2 minutes away by walking) and with a bigger space. 

I cannot wait to create new moments and new memories at the new Mystic Brew Cafe. For now, I want to say thank you to the old one and goodbye. As with anything, when one door closes, another one opens and always, it will lead to something better. 

Cheers Mystic Brew. 

Monday, September 19, 2016

I was so sure of you.

Inspiration for this post is this.

"I could spend 15 minutes choosing what Kdrama to watch, or read a menu twice and still not know what to order. I could spend an hour inside a bookstore and still be undecided what book to buy. I could listen to a thousand songs and not be sure which one I want to listen to on repeat. You know I'm never sure of anything. But I was so fucking sure of you."

I was so fucking sure of you.

I was so sure that you and I were meant to be together, that we were meant to fall in love and STAY in love. I was so sure that you and I were meant to spend the rest of our lives together. TOGETHER, not apart. I was so sure that I would wake up each morning and sleep at night with your face next to mine. Instead, I woke up with tears on my face and slept at night from sheer exhaustion because I did nothing the whole day except cry.

I was so fucking sure of you.

I was so sure that when you and I said we will never part, we both meant it ... that we would go through everything together and survive, relationship intact. Instead, you chose it's complicated, and then single. I wasn't updated. It seems that you and I had different meanings of the word "we will never part."

I was so fucking sure of you.

I was so sure that when you said you just needed space, you would come back to me ... after all, you said you needed space, not your heart back. I was so sure  that if I sit here patiently waiting, understanding why you felt the need to date others while you have your space, overlooking the girls in your photos, that you would be back. I was so sure that if I believe hard enough that you would come back to me, you would ... because I was so sure of you. I was so fucking sure of you.

But you ... you were never sure of me. You were never sure of us. You were never sure even that I was the one you fell in love with and not your idea of me. You were never sure of us and yet, you made me fucking sure of you.

I was so fucking sure of you but now, all I wanna say is fuck you.

Friday, September 16, 2016

my Kdrama moment with Mr. Perfect

I have been into Kdrama since early August and anyone who knows me and especially those who follow me on Twitter knows that I am insanely obsessed with my Kdrama to the point where I sometimes dream of being the heroine of one. Of course I know that it's never gonna happen or so I thought.

Earlier tonight I had a meeting and it didn't go so well which was a total downer because for the first time in 8 months, I actually took the time to fix myself, wear a dress, and heels to a meeting and it was a total suckfest. Finally, the meeting was over and so I booked an Uber car.

First impression was that the Uber car I got was spiffy. I even checked coz I might have accidentally booked Uber black instead of UberX but it was an UberX. I found the car very appealing and didn't even give a second look at the driver. I was pissed after all and I had a few seconds to rant at my colleague which I did in front of the driver.

Soon as I got in, I called another friend who owns a coffee shop near where I live and asked if I could drop by and rant. My friend said yes so I told him I'd be there in 30minutes since I was in an Uber car. When I dropped the call, I muttered to myself about wanting to yell but knowing that it would be horrible since I was in an enclosed space. Much to my surprise, my Uber driver whom we shall call Mr. Perfect (its a play on his name) responded and said that it's okay to yell.

I didn't yell.

I ranted. Like crazy. For 20 minutes.

Trust me when I say that there is absolutely nothing charming or attractive when I rant. I just rant and go psycho. I babble like a baboon. Thankfully, Mr. Perfect was a perfect gentleman and he listened and even reacted at the right moments and made the right comments.

Eventually I even ranted about my non-existent lovelife and how the people I had a meeting with thought I was dating someone coz I was blooming. He asked how long I haven't had a boyfriend and how long ago was my last date and it seems my answer flabbergasted him.

We started talking and this was where the Kdrama moment started happening. You see, I was seated behind him so he couldn't see my face. When we were at a stop, he asked to see me and when he turned around, I don't know what evil spirit came over me but I actually leaned to the right to give him better access to my face and I did this and said Ta-Da!

Someone kill me now.

He asked if he could turn down the aircondition at some point coz he was feeling really cold and I said it was fine then I realized he was the one who set it that way. He then said that he was fine moments ago but he suddenly had the chills. He even held out his hand for me to touch so he could prove that he was feeling cold.

I don't know why but I actually did touch his hand. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???

At some point, he also asked for my number and I normally wouldn't give it out but for some reason, it felt like the natural thing to do and I did. Mind you, I didn't even really know what he looked like and I gave my number. AGAIN, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME????? This was like a scene from the movies.

When we were near my village, I told him that he could just drop me off at the neighborhood coffee shop instead of my house. He asked if I had nothing to drop off at my home and I said it was fine. Then he asked if he could just drop me off at home so I could drop off my bag and then he would take me to the coffee shop.

THIS WAS WEIRD RIGHT? The weirdest part was I didn't find it freaky. It came off as sweet. I SHOULD BANG MY HEAD ON THE WALL!!!!

So I said okay and we continued chatting. We even got to the point where I showed him a throwback photo of me. WHY OH WHY???? So I got off at my village's gate and he ended the trip. I asked him why since technically it hasn't ended since he's taking me to the coffee shop and he said it was fine. He just had to get out of the car and feel a bit of warmth. I walked to my house and thought to myself, he's probably going to be gone when I walk back but minutes later, he was there.


He asked if I could sit in the front seat and I said yes. I NEVER WORRIED ABOUT MY SAFETY. SO SO WEIRD. He just felt comfortable. THIS WAS TRULY ONE OF THOSE KDRAMA MOMENTS. He was driving the car very slowly and then he asked if I was in a hurry and I instinctively knew he wanted to spend a bit of time and I was fine with it. We chatted and he showed me some of his throwback photos as well.

When we finally got to the coffeeshop, he asked if he could walk me inside. AIGOO!!!!!!! KDRAMA MOMENT IN THE FLESH. I felt like a girl and I haven't felt that in such a long time. It felt really nice and I wanted to twirl and burst into song and sing "I feel pretty, oh so pretty!"

Don't worry, I didn't.

So I introduced him to my friends and he was pretty cool about it and we've exchanged a couple of SMS with it ending to him saying he wanted to try the mocha at my friend's coffee shop ... WITH ME.



Anyway, I'm not sure what will come out of this or if something will even come out of it but thank you Mr. Perfect. I was having a really awful night and you turned it completely around. I haven't felt like such a girl in years and you gave me this Kdrama moment and it felt darn good.

The stupid smile on my face as I type this is testament to how much kilig I felt because of a few moments with you. Knowing my luck with men, I'd probably never hear from you again.

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Maybelline #DreamVelvetPerfection

Been dreaming of velvet-smooth perfection that stays comfortable on skin all day when you live in a hot and humid country like ours? From the world’s no. 1 makeup brand, Maybelline New York, refresh your makeup routine and never have to worry about oily face again with Dream Velvet Soft Matte Hydrating Foundation – Maybelline‘s first-ever hydrating matte foundation for 100% velvet-smooth perfected skin all day. Yup, you heard the two best words any beauty junkie wishes to hear: matte and hydrating!

“There are foundations that leave skin dry, rough, and too tight on skin when it’s matte finish, which can be a total nightmare for girls and finding the perfect foundation can be such a hassle,” shares Sandy Tiu, Senior Product Manager of Maybelline New York. “These struggles are precisely what Maybelline’s newest Dream Velvet Foundation targets. It glides easily on skin and gives a velvety smooth finish as exactly promised by the name, and it has a soft-matte feel that makes you feel like you’re not wearing any foundation.”
  honey-beige natural-beige nude pure-beige sandy-beige

So what’s the secret behind this dream-like makeup innovation even for all skin types? Soft, matte, and hydrating enough for drier skin types, Dream Velvet maintains moisture from the skin yet it’s matte and lightly hydrating as well for oily skin types – curbing shine while still providing only the right amount of moisture that won’t make you look oily or greasy. The unique gel-whipped formula infused in the soft matte hydrating foundation makes Dream Velvet ultra-lightweight and keeps the skin hydrated all throughout the day!

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

What was the last thing you did for the first time?

Two weeks ago, I finally did something that I haven't done all my life. I've always objected to it and found no reason to do so. I thought, it would be a nuisance and the maintenance would be insane but I am now realizing that it can actually be quite gratifying and fulfilling.

Two weeks ago, I colored my hair for the first time.

To some people, this may not have been a big deal but to me, it really was. After all, for 35 years, I have had black hair. Changing it into something else could be disastrous. I wasn't that confident which is why I have always said no whenever someone offered to do it.

Mary Paulline Salon in Star Mall was the only plae that got my sweet yes and this was simply because I saw the care and concern they had for their customers. They listened and gave advise but was never pushy. However, when they feel that it could lead to a disaster, they really explain why they feel that you shouldn't go ahead with your decision.

This is me with jet black hair, my natural color. Pardon the make up less face, I know it's not a pretty sight haha. The whole process took around 3 hours because of my virgin hair but they took really good care of me that I did not feel bored at all. Also, I had my Kdrama with me so I was able to sit back, relax, and just enjoy.

Ta-da! As you can see, they did really well with the hair color and highlights. I LOVED IT! Seriously, I really do. It's different but it's not too outrageous. It's classy and elegant too.

These are the people who took really good care of my hair and I am so happy that I have decided to trust them with my hair.

They used a combination of 4 colors on my hair. 

I've had it for 2 weeks now and I gotta say that I am still loving it! Thank you Mary Paulline Salon in Starmall, Las Pinas. I don't regret this decision at all. :) 

Monday, September 12, 2016

AVON Indulgence Lipstick

With the many lippies sprouting left and right boasting of their matte or creamy powers, girls have been going ga-ga over it and using these lipsticks daily. However, when there is no moisture, lips will dry and chap which is one of the worst things that can happen to a girl who is addicted to lippies.

On its 130th year, Avon, the Philippines’ number one makeup brand, introduces its latest beauty innovation that has everything your lips need PLUS rich color, intense moisture, and an incredibly lightweight feel. Yes, Avon Ultra Color Indulgence is the “lipstick that has it all”.

Formulated with weightless hydrating gels, Indulgence feels just as good as it looks. It glides on easy and instantly provides 4x the moisture without feeling heavy or sticky. There’s no need to sacrifice rich color for intense moisture; this lipstick also provides vibrant color giving you medium to full coverage in a beautiful satin finish.

Avon Indulgence Lipstick comes in eight stunning shades to match every skin tone and occasion, spanning from corals and reds –perfect for mestizas, plums and wines –gorgeous on morenas, and Pink and Mauve shades that are flattering on just about everyone.
Have it All—in Eight Stunning Shades!

ultra-color-indulcence-petal-pink ultra-color-indulcence-purple-hyacinth ultra-color-indulcence-red-tulip ultra-color-indulcence-rose-boquet ultra-color-indulcence-royal-peony ultra-color-indulcence_spring-lilac ultra-color-indulgence-daffodil

Just like the lipstick, Avon’s newest makeup ambassador, Marian Rivera, is a woman who has it all. As a mom, wife, philanthropist, and superstar, she not only stuns with her mesmerizing beauty, but captures the hearts of millions with her genuine, empowered personality.

“At Avon, we believe that every woman can have it all –in life, and in her beauty kit. Marian is the perfect representation of this belief,” says Avon Philippines’ Head of Beauty and Strategy, Patricia De Leon-Rodriguez.

“Tapos na ang mga araw na bitin ka with your lipstick,” says Marian. “Avon Indulgence is everything I need. Magaan siya sa lips, it’s moisturizing, and it provides beautiful color. I can confidently wear it from day to night, whether I’m taping, hosting, on a date, or kahit for my everyday errands. At hindi lang nagpapaganda ang Avon makeup, it helps you feel confident.”

Avon Ultra Color Indulgence Lipstick is available exclusively through Avon Representatives (P399 Regular Price). From September 1 to 30, 2016, get one for P199 or any 2 for P389!

Follow //
▸ blog |
▸ instagram |
▸ pinterest |
▸ facebook |
▸ twitter |
▸ youtube |
▸ linkedin |

Monday, September 5, 2016

When everyone's perfect ....

In every relationship that ends, there is always that one party that hurts more ... that won't let go or can't let go ... the one that is being left behind and the one whose heart is crushed more than the other. With every relationship that ends, there is that one person that always says ...

When everyone's perfect, can we start over again?

To my first love ... can we start over again? Can we actually make the jump from friends to lovers? Can we finally take the risk since eventhough we didn't make the jump, we still lost each other in the process. I wish we had, perhaps we'd be together and if not, then at least we gave it a try.

To the first guy who broke my heart into a million pieces ... is there anything left for us to start over? You were confused and in the midst of that confusion, you tore my heart into tiny pieces and until now, there are pieces missing. Perhaps it is with you in New York? I guess you will always have a piece of my heart for you were the first one to show me the highs of falling in love and the lows of falling out of love. It took me 7 years to really get over you por maybe just convince myself that I am over you.

To the one that got away ...  I wish that when we bumped into each other a year ago, we could start over again. I was ready for you, unlike before. However you are no longer ready for me and you have met someone who was when you were. We keep seeing each other in the wrong timeline.

To the funny man ... I woder if you'd ever say yes to starting over again when everyone's perfect. Honestly, I don't even know if I'd say yes to it. There are days I think of you and wonder how you are. I wonder what I would if we bump into each other. What if you were single and we see each other again? Can we start over again? Should we start over again? I do not know.

The playgrounds they get rusty and your
Heart beats another ten thousand times before
I got the chance to say
I miss you

Maybe this was possible ... if only we were a little braver ... but we weren't ,,,, and now that I am ... you aren't.

Friday, September 2, 2016

on school shootings ...

Someone recently tagged me in a raw footage of the last moments of the Columbine massacre. The person who did said it's because I love reading about serial killers and it was something that would interest me. This was true but I still had to report the person who posted the video simply because I could not imagine the pain of the victim's and the perpetrator's families when they see the video and relive the last moments of their love one's life.


Many people have played the blame game when it comes to these situations but at the end of the day, when all fingers have been pointed, hurtful words have been spoken, there is only one fact that remains.


They have killed. They have killed themselves. They have gone through hell and back. They will never be alive again. There are wounds that won't heal. There are situations that will never be forgiven ever again.


Everyone. As a parent myself, sadly, it will still initially fall on the parent of the shooters for not noticing that there is something wrong with their child. Parents have the biggest responsibility of ensuring that their kids grow up right and when parents fail at this, the finger will always be pointed at them no matter how hard they tried.

Next is the system. These kids were bullied and perhaps, if the system just paid more attention and addressed it, it wouldn't have happened. Then there's the bystanders. The ones who have seen the signs and chose to ignore it. The media plays a part but again, this is all the chicken and egg scenario. If media didn't play things out and if parents and the system paid more attention and round and round it goes.

Lastly, the perpetrators. They may have been victims themselves but they chose to victimize others and taking away the life of others because you are mad at the world is still not right. It will never be right.

At the end of the day, we are all to blame. At one point, we have been the bullies, the victims, the bystanders, the system, and the perpetrator. Always remember that your actions or inaction has a butterfly effect and we never know when we become the trigger for someone else's madness.