There are things we wish we had said. Words we kept to ourselves, apologies we thought we still had time to make, and expressions of love we assumed our loved ones already knew.
We often wait for the right moment to say these things. Sometimes, we think there will always be another chance. Until one day, there isn't.
This is what makes the idea of a living funeral so meaningful.
A living funeral is a gathering where a person gets to hear the tributes, stories, and expressions of love that are traditionally shared only after someone has passed away. Instead of waiting until a funeral to talk about how much a person means to us, we give them the opportunity to hear these words while they are still here to receive them.
It is not about saying goodbye before it is time. It is about celebrating a life while that life is still being lived.
The Conversations We Shouldn't Put Off
When we lose someone we love, grief can be complicated by the things we never got to say. We replay conversations in our heads, remember moments we wish we had handled differently, and wonder if the people we lost truly understood how much they meant to us.
I know this feeling, but I also know the comfort of being able to say what needed to be said.
Before my mother passed away, I was able to tell her everything I wanted her to know. I had the opportunity to express the things in my heart, and that experience helped me tremendously when it was time to accept that she was gone.
It did not mean I stopped missing her. It did not make losing her painless. But knowing that I had said what I needed to say gave me a kind of peace that I continue to carry with me.
There is something incredibly comforting about not having to wonder whether you told someone you loved them enough, whether they knew how much they mattered, or whether there were words left unsaid.
I was fortunate to have that opportunity with my mother, and I know not everyone gets the same chance.
That is why I believe conversations about love, appreciation, forgiveness, and gratitude are important. We should not wait for a funeral to tell someone how they changed our lives. We should not wait until we are standing beside a coffin to talk about the memories we treasure or the lessons we learned from someone.
If we can say these things today, why wait until tomorrow?
A Celebration of Life, Not a Farewell
A living funeral creates space for these conversations in a meaningful way. Family members, friends, and loved ones can gather to share stories, express gratitude, offer forgiveness, and recognize the difference one person has made in their lives.
Imagine being able to sit in a room and hear the people you love talk about the memories they treasure with you. Imagine learning that something you did years ago helped someone through a difficult season, or that a simple act of kindness stayed with another person long after you had forgotten about it.
How wonderful would it be to hear those stories yourself?
Too often, we associate tributes with death. We write eulogies when someone can no longer hear them. We gather to remember the good things about a person when that person is no longer around to know how deeply they were appreciated.
A living funeral turns that tradition around. It allows people to receive their flowers while they can still enjoy them.
Of course, every family has its own way of expressing love, and not everyone will be comfortable with this kind of gathering. The important thing is not the ceremony itself, but the intention behind it: to make time for meaningful conversations and celebrate the people who matter to us.
Say It While You Still Can
A living funeral also reminds us that life is not just about the milestones we celebrate or the achievements we accumulate. It is about the relationships we build, the memories we leave behind, and the lives we touch in ways we may not even realize.
We do not need to organize a formal event to start doing this. We can begin with a phone call to a parent, a sincere conversation with a sibling, a message to an old friend, or a simple thank-you to someone who has made our lives better.
Tell your mother you love her. Tell your father what you appreciate about him. Thank the friend who stayed when things were difficult. Apologize if there is something you need to make right. Share the story you have been meaning to tell.
Do it while you have the opportunity.
Losing my mother taught me that accepting someone's absence is a journey. Being able to tell her everything I wanted to say helped me through that journey, but it is a gift I know I cannot take for granted.
Not everyone will have that same experience. Some will have to find peace in the words they carry in their hearts, in the memories they keep, and in the love they continue to give even after someone is gone.
Perhaps that is another reason we should be more intentional about expressing what we feel.
We cannot control how much time we have with the people we love. But while they are here, we can choose to make that time meaningful.
A funeral will always be a time to remember and grieve. But celebrating someone does not have to wait until then.
Tell them now. Thank them now. Love them out loud now.
Because the most beautiful tribute is not always the one delivered after a person has passed away. Sometimes, it is the one they get to hear while they are still here to smile, cry, laugh, and say, "I love you, too."
Ate Gay's Living Funeral: A Celebration While She's Still Here
This is what made comedian Ate Gay's living funeral at Forest Lake Memorial Parks in Biñan, Laguna, particularly meaningful. Instead of waiting until she was gone to share tributes and express their love, family and friends gathered to celebrate her life while she was still there to hear their stories and words of appreciation.
The gathering offered a different perspective on something we have long associated with grief and loss. A funeral does not always have to be a moment of goodbye. It can also be an opportunity to recognize someone's impact, revisit treasured memories, and let them know how much they mean to the people around them.
With Undas approaching, when many Filipino families visit cemeteries to remember loved ones who have passed away, Ate Gay's living funeral serves as a timely reminder that appreciation should not be reserved for those who are no longer with us. We can honor the people we love today, while they can still hear our words, feel our embrace, and share in the moment.
