Monday, November 3, 2014

to the funny man ...

I saw you again. It was different this time though. Something was different. I was different.

I saw you and I didn't feel that spark anymore. I didn't feel that desire to hurl myself at you and hug you tight. I didn't feel that need to prolong the time I spent with you. I didn't feel much to be honest.

You surprised me with a sweet gesture. I knew it was you all along. I didn't feel that certain giddiness though. It was nice but it wasn't like before. It was just a nice gesture.

When I was walking toward you, you said to me that I looked really good. Normally that would have sent me giggling like hell but this time around, I just said thanks and wondered what you saw when I was walking towards you and why you only saw it now.

When we were sitting down and talking, you tried to hold my hand and I moved it away. It wasn't even a conscious decision. It was just an instinct. It was my instinct to protect myself from you holding me because I've learned to associate you holding my hand with you eventually pulling away and hurting me again.

I don't want to be hurt by you anymore.

When we were inside your car, you asked for a hug. You know that hugs are my main thing. I love hugs. I think hugs are important and that people should hug daily. Hugs make the world brighter and better. A hug when I'm mad ensures that 50% of my anger goes away. A hug when I'm crying ensures that I'll feel better soon. You asked for a hug.

I didn't wanna hug you. A hug from you is almost always followed with "I don't love you anymore." A hug from you normally results to me breaking down in tears and sobs. A hug from you is normally given by you to appease my broken heart, a broken heart caused by you.

I did hug you and this time around, my heart didn't break. It didn't break but I felt sad because I realized that whatever I was feeling for you, its no longer there. It really is no longer there.

I got over you. Finally. Truly. I got over you.

I hope you don't read this because I know it will hurt you. This is what you have wanted for me for the longest time because you didn't have enough guts to give us another chance but at the same time, you still love me and this will hurt you.

I'm sorry if you do read this. I don't want to hurt you. Regardless of how many times you've hurt me in the past and regardless of how long you've hurt me, I don't want to hurt you more than I have hurt you in the past. You were good to me when we were together but ...

I got over you. Finally. Truly. I got over you.

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Hi! Let's all try to add more positivity in this world and adhere to the saying, "if you don't have anything nice to say, keep silent."

Showering you with unicorn poop so you'd always stay magical! Heart heart!