how I met your father ...

"What was your name again?" These were the words that I would repeat to him 5 times before I would actually remember his name. I had a hard time remembering what his name was ... now, I wish that I could forget his name but I can't. It is forever embedded in my mind.

I met him when I was newly promoted Team Leader at a call center. He was part of the workforce and my nemesis because we had to beg him to fix our stats so that we would reach goal. He was quiet and mysterious which I mistook for being Mr. Nice Guy. Boy, was I wrong.

I didn't like him at first. I liked someone else actually. He was apparently eyeing me for at that time, I was the "IT girl." Yep, I only got his attention because I was the IT girl. Some girls may find that flattering but I don't. I really don't.

Looking back, it was actually a friend of mine who paved the way for us to meet and have breakfast. After shift, we would normally go to McDonalds and she invited him to join us. He did, much to our surprise. He even paid for my meal, but not for my friend. It should have been a sign to me. As usual, the sign went right over my head.

We started hanging out more often and we even went to watch a movie. He seemed okay and I found myself liking him. I honestly cannot remember what I like din him, but I did. One day, he teased me about becoming his girlfriend and I said, "okay." OKAY. If I knew what kind of hell I was going to go through because of that one word, I would have ran for my life back then. Instead, I said "okay" and smiled like the idiot that I was.

The first week that we were together, he broke up with me three times. THREE times. Everytime he would break up with me, I would be left crying and all broken up. I think I shed more tears in that week than all my 23 years combined. He saw it as a game, making me fall for him, reeling me in, and breaking up with me just to see how much pain he could cause me. I didn't see it then, but he was cruel. He dangled me like a rag doll and played me expertly.

2 months later and barely holding on to my sanity, I left home and ended up in Baguio. Due to some circumstances, he ended up staying with me there and we lived together. Many times, he left me and threatened that he would desert me. I was weak and scared then. Everytime he threatened to leave, I would beg him to not go. I would fight for us and remind him that I loved him and that no one else would love him the same way I loved him.

I didn't realize but he was pulling me in his world and cutting down any ties I have with family, friends, and even coworkers. He soon became my world ... the only one I know. It was the way he wanted things and it was how things went.

Eventually, I became pregnant and we moved to Cebu. When we had our own place, things became a bit better. I was left at home most of the time and it fit what he wanted. I had no friends, no family, and only the TV to keep me company. He would go to work and come home late because he had to attend this and that. I tried to not think bad things but I have caught him with "Tiffany" back in Baguio and I see "Honey" in Cebu.

Looking back, I must have been really in love to overlook or to completely ignore those signs that were flashing like ambulance lights. Dumb eh?

The first time he laid hands on me, I was 5 months pregnant with our son.  We had a fight about something and he pushed me hard that I actually fell on the floor. Mind you,  I was 5 months pregnant. He kicked me once for good measure and pathetic creature that I was, I only cried. Fighting back never even crossed my mind.

Fast forward to our son getting born and we had to find some formula for the baby since my milk was next to nothing. He left the baby and I at our apartment and went to buy the formula. We had no lights at that time and it was 1030pm. He came back at 1am. I was scared, panicking, and going through post partum depression. I asked him where he went and why it took him so long and he proceeds to show me porn DVD's.

PORN DVD's!!! 

He left his son and I alone for a long time because he was busy choosing porn DVD's. And yet, this did not wake me up to the sad reality that I was with a scumbag.

Eventually, we moved to his parents house because he was fired from this job for lying about getting fired. So there we were, both of us with no work and with a baby. Did I mention that the money used to pay for the hospital bill was money I borrowed from my parents who were utterly mad at me? Yep, I had to borrow money from my parents because he could not come up with the money.

Fast forward to 2007 and almost 2 years have passed. There have been a number of fights and getting physically hurt but they were "minor" or what I thought was minor. Pretty crazy right?

He lost his job again in 2007 and I was left to take care of all the bills. I had to work for 16 hours a day to compensate for the lack of income on his part. Working 16 hours a day and being expected to still perform your duties as a partner and a mother became a tad bit too much for me that I got to the point where the almost nightly massages I used to give him was scrapped. I just didn't have the energy. I had nothing left.

And so came in Russ ...

While I was busy working hard to get all the bills paid and to give him his "allowance" to look for a job, he was busy getting it on with a girl named Russ. It was pretty smart the way he would cover his tracks. He would take me to work and pick me up. In between those times, he would be with Russ. Smart eh?

Unfortunately, he wasn't smart enough to delete his sent items. One time, the phone made a beeping noise and I checked who it was since he was in the shower. It was from someone named Russ. The message: "I'll see you later. Same time, same place. I miss you." 

I checked the sent items and it seems that he misses Russ too and he wishes they had more time together. He loves her too, which came as a surprise since I thought I was the one he loved. 

Amazingly, I did not snap nor threw the phone at him. I did not cry nor sobbed like the pathetic creature that I was. At that moment, I finally grew some balls. I became quiet. I became really, really quiet.

I also started fixing myself up and dressing a bit more sexy. I started going out and partying. I knew it was wrong but I had no other way to cope but through that. It got so bad that I found myself one night, high on a pill that I didn't have any business taking. It was that bad.

He only noticed  6 weeks after I became quiet. One time, he picked me up and there were roses in the car. He has never given me roses. EVER. I should have felt a bit of happiness, even a tinge, but there was none. He did the same thing in our bathroom, roses on the toilet seat. How fucking unromantic. It should have been his head on the bowl.

It was a Saturday. I was supposed to go out but he was in one of his moods. When I left the house, he was okay. 20 minutes later, I receive a text that I wasn't supposed to go back home if I go out. I rushed back and saw that my clothes were all thrown out. Yes, he cheats and I get thrown out. I did the unthinkable.

I begged him to patch things up. I wasn't ready to lose him. I still loved him. And so I begged. I literally begged. I received a cut on the lips from where his hand landed but we patched things up. I felt so sorry for myself.

2008 and I was at wits end. It seems money was always missing or lacking. The two of us have not talked for almost 6 months and when I was hospitalized after falling off a bus back in 2006 where he decided it was more important to attend a basketball game, I have taken him off my emergency list. My son was sick and he was sick but I honestly no longer cared he was sick. I truly have lost any feelings for him.

We got into a big fight, again. He proceeded to slam me against a wall and choke the life out of me. Sadly, the window was open and my Mom's maid saw all these happening and she started screaming for help. This is how my Mom (who was living across us for a year then) found out that I was a battered woman.

I went to work that night with bruises all over. That weekend, I managed to get my son over to my Mom and I managed to get almost all my things from their house. It was November 7, 2008. I have never looked back.

I don't plan to. EVER.

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  1. So this is your story. I'm sorry for what you've had to go through. I'm glad you found a way out.

  2. You are indeed a very strong lady. I could say that you are so blessed to have a son who will be with you for long time.He is so blessed to have you as well.

    I've been following your blog for long time and I am so inspired by your strength. Truly, God will never give you a problem that you cannot handle... we just need to trust in Him.

    I am so touched by this entry.

    Continue to be strong because there is definitely more than this... I am sure that there are a lot of blessings that are in store for you.

    Keep inspiring Kay...

    God bless


  3. Whew, what a story!I got hooked right from the beginning to end! And I was overwhelmed with relief on the part when your mother's help saw you through the window! Parang pelikula lang, o MMK ang story na ito!

    But on a SERIOUS note, after what you've been through, here you are, a strong woman. And no matter how pathetic you felt during those horrific times, what matters is that you stopped looking back and that you are aware of why things went wrong then-- and that is admirable and inspiring.

    And like the old adage says, what won't kill us will only make us stronger.

    God bless you always, kay, and I am happy to have met you. Yes, that ugly chapter is over. Whatever mistake you thought you've made, forgive yourself a hundred percent. :)

    TC always! I'm always here and ready to listen.


  4. 2012 is coming and this would be a nice start for a new life. god bless you!

  5. kala q sa mga pelikula lng at sa MMK ang mga ganitong stories:,,,
    "there's a rainbow after the rain..."

  6. Torn between two lovers? No, no! Mr. Nice and Russ had taught you what life really is and you're able to go through with it. You're emotionally matured, stable and ever ready to face and kind of trails that you may come across along the way. You're practical woman. You can surmount any odds in your life. God has a very good plan for you. And you'll be surprised later on, when that fellow, a perfect one appears into your life. Be sensitive. He'll come soon!

    Take a good glimpse in my latest photoblog:   T.R.U.T.H.

  7. Oh. :( This took me right back to when my mom was also a battered wife. My dad would beat her up while she was pregnant with my sister --- I saw everything.

    I'm glad you had the strength to leave him na.

  8. your love story was a hell just like mine .Life must go on after this .look at me now ,happy with a new found love.My hubby loves me more than anything else in the world.just keep loving and yuo will find the right man who will love you and your son .

  9. everyone has their own story to tell.. ang buhay talaga parang pelikula..hopefully, it will all have a happy ending

  10. Life has really been kulayful for you. Amidst the chaos, you learn lessons. You get stronger, little by little but with stability. :) Glad it's over.

    c5 @

  11. Wow. You're a strong person ah! I ilike girls na may sariling prinsipyo and pride. Not dahil sa sarili but for their kids and family as well. :) merry christmas!

  12. that was a very sad story, but then, i hope you move on and be happy with what you are now, be strong sis!

    My recent post Kwento ng Pasko

  13. big hugs to you, sis! i so feel your pain in your post. as a singlemom, i'm just glad that i didn't have to go through what you went through... or i also did, but the heartaches were in a different form. use all these experiences to gain more strength and you'll be alright. God bless and hope to see you soon :)