L ... how befitting ... he loved the character L in Death Note. He was a fan and even gifted me with the complete DVD set of the movie Death Note along with the two notebooks. But I digress.
To my loyal readers, you would have noticed by now that I only write about my stories with a guy when he is no longer a part of my life so yes, you guessed it right. L has gone away ... most likely, never to be seen again.
I met him through an online community. I was a member of this community for 10 years now and it was a first for me to step in the Singles forum. As previously mentioned, I find myself to be in a relationship most of the time. So there I was, newly single after a 19 month relationship and I set forth to stepping on the South Singles thread which he started. I said hi and he welcomed me.
He sent me a private message afterwards. He welcomed me and said that there was a meet up and if I was interested in going. I told him that I wasn't interested but he asked for my number just in case. I didn't really give it much thought until he texted me, and texted me, and texted me.
To cut it short, he courted me for the last 6 months. He was always there, just waiting on the sidelines. He was there when I needed him, and even when I didn't. He was just there. I'd ask him if he'd always be there and he said that yes he will be. He kept insisting that nothing would make him leave. He told me that he was not like the rest and that no matter how bad things have been, he has been there and will continue to be there.
I didn't want to believe him. I did though. And now, he's gone.
Things haven't been okay in the last month or so. We barely talk, we barely text, and whatever sweetness there was just flew right out the window. Still, I thought ... he's the ever reliable L. He will be there, no matter what.
I was wrong.
Gone now are the fllowers, the sweet messages, the proclamations of undying love. Instead, he has deleted me from his facebook and shut me off completely. Changed numbers and twitter accounts, and even taken down his site.
Does it hurt? Of course it does. As much as I pretend to be this uber cool bitch, I am hopelessly romantic and I did love him. He knows that. Does he believe it? I do not know.
I cared for him. I love him. Unfortunately, I was not in love with him. And so it ends ... my story with L. After 6 months of being swept off my feet and maintaining my stand on the ground via a very thin piece of thread, I am once again grounded on the floor with new lessons learned and reinforced.
As for L ... I hope he finds himself and heals. I hope he learns to love himself and be the man he should be so that when he meets the one for him, he will be ready. I wish for him what I wish for me. I wish that I would find me and he would find him.