Yesterday, after days of overanalyzing, not analyzing, analyzing, stopping myself from analyzing, I got the answers to the questions I had in mind. Yesterday, I finally knew what I have been wanting to know.
Do I like the answers that I received? Maybe ... yes, no? I think its moot and academic to have feelings for the answers. I think this time, I just need to accept that it is what it is. Life is not fair and sometimes you think you may have found someone but in reality, things are gonna be put on hold because its not yet the time.
Fate was mocking me. I brought a book and grabbed a bookmark. While I was waiting for him, I read. I flipped over the bookmark at one point and guess what the bookmark has written on it?
"What happens when the right people click at the wrong time?"
Boom! Fate mocks me.
So for now, I am on hold. We are on hold. We take things one day at a time ... he will text when he wants to and I will do the same. There will be moments of thinking of each other and not wanting to think of each other so we will keep busy. At least I know he feels the same, he does the same and its not just me going nuts here.
As he said, I a the glitch to his matrix. I am the MALWARE and TROJAN virus to his PC all wrapped into one. I scare him so much because I affect him that much. At least now I know.
At least he doesn't know what he is in my life. For now, he cannot really know. And as with anything ... I will just sing what I truly feel.
So, from the epic musical Les Miserables ...
"I love him
I love him
I love himBut only ON MY OWN."