Last night, I cried myself to sleep. I cried for 3 hours and ended up falling asleep. March was not so kind to me. I received bad news, one after the other. I received low blows from some people who were supposed to be on my side but apparently thinks so little of me and have no disregard for what I feel.
And so last night, I finally cried. I cried for myself mostly. I cried because I have been working so hard to get better. I know I'm not the best Mom to my son nor am I the best version of myself but I have been trying. I know that financially, I am still in deep shit but I am finding ways and means to get to where I need to be without asking Mommy and Daddy for money. I have failed but I am overcoming it on my own.
I cried for myself and my heart. I cried because a lot of guys want me, they do and they are a lot but they only want a part of me. They want my body for sex, they want to show me off coz I'm pretty, and they love my company coz I'm smart, funny, and what not. They want me for how I make them feel ... how I make them laugh ... how I'm the life of the party. They want me cause I fill a need in them; but they do not want ME.
I cried for myself and my son. I am scared ... scared that I will never be enough for him, that I won't be able to raise him well, and that I will just suck at this whole Mom thing. I cried because I wanted to give my son everything he deserves but I can't even give him a father. It's just me, myself, and I.
And so I cried ... but today, I woke up and I am done crying. Today, I put on a smile and went my way. Today, I once again am the strong Kay that I have to be.
Today, I received some good news, great message, and wonderful surprise.
It all does come in 3's.
|early this morning ... mr caller, this shot is for you.|
|the flowers I got from a DJ|