So many people out there will try to break you simply because they themselves are already broken. As they say, misery loves company and nothing makes a miserable person feel better than seeing someone who is more miserable than they are. It's a really negative thing but that's just how miserable people are.
How do we avoid these people? How can we make sure that we will never fall victim to them? How do we recover if we have fallen victim?
Here are 5 steps that I took to learning to love myself after I fell victim to these kind of people. I hope that these work for you as much as it did for me. It may seem small steps but these small steps will all pile up into one big move. One day, you will realize, you have finally come to love yourself.
1. Choose you.
A lot of people are raised to be a people person. This means most of the time, you will be inclined to make things comfortable for others even at the cost of your own comfort. In short, you are programmed to choose someone else over yourself. While this is not a bad trait, it can become toxic especially if you keep choosing others over yourself.
Choose you. It's also not a bad thing to choose yourself over others. When something is asked of you and it makes you uncomfortable or it goes against your will, then choose you.
You need to come first. After all, how can others respect you and what you stand for if you don't do it yourself?
2. Say NO.
If you are one of those people who just keep saying YES to everything, you will find yourself exhausted all the time. While it's not a bad thing to help other people out, it can lead others to abuse you and take you for granted.
Don't wait for the day that you will just snap or break out of exhaustion. If it's not within your scope of work, if it's not something that you should be doing, if it doesn't make you happy to do, then SAY NO.
People will get over your no and those who don't, you don't need in your life.
3. Date yourself.
Sounds simple right? If you haven't learned to love yourself, you will find this hard to do.
Learn to go out by yourself and BE HAPPY about it. There's a difference between being forced to eat alone or be alone then feel miserable about it. When you learn to love yourself, you will love being on your own: eating by yourself, watching a movie by yourself, and having ME time such a a salon and massage appointment where you can indulge yourself and rejuvenate your body. You can also have coffee on your own while reading a book, listening to good music, or simply doing nothing while sipping your cup of joe.
4. Solo Travel
When you travel, you learn things about yourself. You learn tolerance. You learn what you like, what you can deal with, and what you can't absolutely accept. You see, traveling tends to bring out the best and worst in you.
When you are taken out of your comfort zone, you are forced to reevaluate yourself and your life. It helps you find out who you truly are and the things that matter to you.
5. Forgive and start over
Most of the time, when we can't love ourselves, it is because we can't forgive allowing someone to hurt us in the past or hurting someone in the past. What's good about the past is that it's already behind us. What's good about the present is that we can make it what we want it to be and what's good about the future is that we can still plan and make things happen.
Forgive. It's not for other people but for yourself, your heart, and most importantly, your sanity.
It may sound simple but all these steps help to teach me how to love myself and when I finally learned how to, I learned to respect myself and that was also how other people started treating me ... with love and respect.
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