With this statement, I can say then that my mind is very adept in covering my wounds with layers and layers of scar tissue. I'm probably covered with layers all over with the many wounds that have been inflicted on me by myself, by the people that I love, by the people who loved me and left, and by the men that I have dared to fall in love with ... some of whom returned it, some of whom threw it away, and some of whom just decided that my heart was a toy to play with.
This time last year, I was the most pathetic version of myself. I was running after a guy who didn't love me enough to want to make things work but at this time last year, I could not see that. All I could see was that I wanted him back in my life and I was willing to do everything for it to happen and so I did.
I lost the respect of my family and most of my friends. Some actually stopped being my friend. However, the real ones stayed and rallied though they probably wanted to use a mallet on me and hit me with it over and over again. I can't blame them since looking back, I would have done the same on myself.
Flash forward to now and I am actually grateful that it happened. I am grateful because now, I am such a better version of myself and I am at peace. I have finally learned the lessons I was supposed to learn and because I got to the point where I was at ground zero, I have finally learned to love me.
People keep saying I look better now, that I seem blooming and happier and I agree. I learned to depend on myself and stop running to him for every single thing. I learned to see my value and my worth. I learned to be happy again, ON MY OWN. Most importantly, I finally saw me the way he used to see me and I am just in awe at how wonderful the view is. I finally saw that I was worth loving and if someone doesn't see that, its not my problem anymore.
I'm so glad that I went through what I did. I believe that it was necessary for my own evolution as a woman and as a person. I now know a lot more and I am able to ensure that I handle things with grace and with dignity. Most importantly, I now know my worth and though I may make mistakes here and there, overall, I know that I can dust off that mistake and learn from it. After all, life is about learning from your mistakes. It's how you improve and its how you become a better version of you and I can honestly say that this version of me now is someone worth loving, worth respecting, and worth keeping. If you can't see that, that's fine with me coz what matters is, how I see myself and how I love myself.
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