how do you love an unloveable?

Since I was a kid, I have been a brat. My Mom tried to change that and succeeded a lil bit but I guess a brat will always be a brat. I did not get what I wanted most in life as a kid and so I bully others into giving me what I wanted when I grew up.

To my classmates, I was that bully who would copy off Math assignments since I hated Math with passion. I was that bully who would ask for P5 to buy some food. I was that bully who tagged someone as "Emily Bacteria" simply because I did not like her.

To my friends, I was that Drama Queen. I loved being the center of attention and my colorful life made it possible that I would talk about myself, my problems, my woes, my heartaches, and how the world was conspiring against me. It was all me, myself, and I. I loved hearing the sound of my voice so to speak and its hard for me to listen to other people's problems when I have a story to tell. When I text with a new woe, they go "Here we go again!"

To my family, I am the baby eventhough I am actually the oldest. I am the fragile one; the one that's easily broken. I am the suicidal one, the manic depressive, the one they need to take care of eventhough I am already 28 years old.

To my coworkers, I am a ticking bomb. I am the one who would flare up immediately at the slightest issue. I am more reactive than proactive. I am the one who's too passionate for her own good.

As a girlfriend, I was too demanding and unreasonable. A friendster testimonial from an ex describes me perfectly as a lover. "K is the epitome of the woman of the new millenium. Strong willed, stubborn to a fault, and she knows what she wants and how to get it. She'll dazzle you with her beauty and charm and leave you speechless with her wit. She leaves otherwise intelligent and sensible men stuttering like babies on ecstasy.She can be the most loving and caring person in your life, but if you get on her bad side, be prepared to face the devil incarnate. Her snobbish looks belie her bubbly teeny bopper interior that refuses to let go of childish pleasures that make the world so wonderful and rich."

My redeeming factors are only that when I want to be sweet, I am really sweet. I am fiercely loyal and I don't know what else anymore. This helps me think that maybe, I am still something good.
I hope that soon I can add more positive things to my list.

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2 comments:

  1. The positive side of it all is the realization of the past and the positivity in the future...You are lovable besides all these things. because you have been into so many eperiences that will lead you to more meaningful life....

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  2. As long as I am willing to change, that's what matters right mare?

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Hi! Let's all try to add more positivity in this world and adhere to the saying, "if you don't have anything nice to say, keep silent."

Showering you with unicorn poop so you'd always stay magical! Heart heart!