"Mommy, why don't I have a Daddy? Why is my Daddy bad?"
I was expecting these questions to be asked. I even had ready made answers. I knew it was bound to happen. I knew it would happen. I knew because my son is smart. I just didn't expect it to happen tonight. I didn't expect it to happen while I was bleeding out a small wound he got from the bathroom. I certainly wasn't expecting it to just come out out of the blue.
I froze. I literally froze. I felt the tears coming and it took every ounce of willpower I had not to bawl my eyes out. It was unfair. It was so unfair.
I was a good partner. I did my part. I did what I had to do to make sure all needs were met. I didn't even have a social life back then. I was faithful, to a fault. I wasn't a nagger and I let him go out and do not pester him when he's with friends. I was understanding and forgiving. I was one hell of a great partner.
B should have a Dad. Instead, I had to leave because staying meant raising him in a hostile environment. I had to leave because he was also being hurt by his Dad already.I had to leave because if I don't, I might have ended 6 feet under the ground.
I had to leave; and as a result, B doesn't have a Dad.
But how do I explain that to a 6 year old child? Tell me, I don't know how.
PS: I just hugged B and apologized. Then I told him that I will be Mommy and Daddy and I hope that its enough.