and B asked ...

"Mommy, why don't I have a Daddy? Why is my Daddy bad?"

I was expecting these questions to be asked. I even had ready made answers. I knew it was bound to happen. I knew it would happen. I knew because my son is smart. I just didn't expect it to happen tonight. I didn't expect it to happen while I was bleeding out a small wound he got from the bathroom. I certainly wasn't expecting it to just come out out of the blue.

I froze. I literally froze. I felt the tears coming and it took every ounce of willpower I had not to bawl my eyes out. It was unfair. It was so unfair.

I was a good partner. I did my part. I did what I had to do to make sure all needs were met. I didn't even have a social life back then. I was faithful, to a fault. I wasn't a nagger and I let him go out and do not pester him when he's with friends. I was understanding and forgiving. I was one hell of a great partner.

B should have a Dad. Instead, I had to leave because staying meant raising him in a hostile environment. I had to leave because he was also being hurt by his Dad already.I had to leave because if I don't, I might have ended 6 feet under the ground.

I had to leave; and as a result, B doesn't have a Dad.

But how do I explain that to a 6 year old child? Tell me, I don't know how.

PS: I just hugged B and apologized. Then I told him that I will be Mommy and Daddy and I hope that its enough. 

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  1. @ mitchy: I wish you could hug me for real.

  2. Sorry that you have to go through this achie Kay.. :( But don't worry because you are a great mom to B.. *hugs*

  3. Sorry about that. A very tough situation. I think Heidi Klum is in the same boat. She said she's divorcing Seal because of his temper and it's affecting the kids.

    1. it really was ... I hope I handled it correctly ...