My son posted on Facebook yesterday, "Happy Father's Day to all fathers except my father." This alarmed me. It also pained me. I could feel the pain that my son feels because he has a father who is only a biological Dad and nothing more.
I talked to him. I asked him why he posted that and if he was feeling any hatred for his Dad. He said a little bit. So I explained to him that to hate someone is to give them power over you. To hate is not a good thing ... I did this, not for that waste of space of a father that he has but for my son.
I grew up hating my Dad. I hated him for not being there . for being too busy with the business ... for not being what normal Dads were like. I grew up hating him and at the same time yearning for his approval ... I felt this for 32 years.
I did not want B feeling this way and so I talked to him. I explained that though yes his Dad is an absentee Dad who gives nothing to contribute to his future, he shouldn't feel bad because he ha me and he has my entire family. He doesn't have a Dad but he has a Mom who is also his Dad. He also has my Mom and my siblings.
I explained that when he hates, he will have that heavy feeling in his heart to carry around and when he hates, he is giving his Dad power over him. He said that he did not want that.
I know that there will be a lot more conversations like this in the future but I hope that at the very least, tonight, I was able to teach him not to hate. I've been through that before and its not a good thing. When we hate, we suffer. When we forgive, we let ourselves become free of that other person.
Tonight, I pray that I was able to teach my son not to hate. I really pray that I did.