Monday, September 2, 2013
Love: This is Not Yet a Musical
To say that Love This is Not Yet a Musical is just another play about love is to say that Whitney Houston was just another singer in a bar. It can never be said that way. To do so would earn you a slap in the face, a kick in the shin, a pat in the back with a chair, and a spit on the face.
Yes sir, I say that I shall spit on your face if you say that Love This is Not Yet a Musical is just another play about love for it is not. What it is ... is an experience. It is a trip down memory lane. It reminds you of how love goes full circle.
FIRE or INIT is the first stage. It is that first glance, that first smile, the first touch of lips to lips, the first night of passion.
It is those raging fights that end in throes of lovemaking or mindblowing hot sex. It is those tears falling down your face because you just can't understand why this one person who is the reason for your being just doesn't get you. It is the anger in your mind and the love in your heart. It is FIRE.
It is COLD or Lamig. It is that feeling you get when things start to fall apart ... when the thought of seeing that person no longer excites you .... when you'd rather stay at home than go out and hang out with that person.
It is the fiery hands but cold eyes. It is the "I love you" spoken from your mouth but not felt from the heart. It is the I love you but I don't love you as much as I used to.
It is LONGING or TANAO. It is what happens when we need to let go of someone that we used to love. It is what happens when someone we used to know becomes a stranger overnight. It is what we do when we can no longer show the love we used to shower so freely over someone, either because we are no longer allowed to or because we must not show it.
It is wanting to bring back the past but knowing that it will never come back for it has left. We just didn't realize it or we just don't accept it. We are in denial.
Lastly, it is MEMORIES or ALAALA. It is about everything regarding the relationship. It is that quaint coffee shop you two used to hang out in. It is about that little corner in Greenfield District where he used to pick you up. It is that note in your wallet that says he will always love you, not realizing always for him has an expiration date.
It is about those memories that make your heart bleed and make your eyes weep. It is about that gut wrenching feeling in the bottom of your stomach when you wake in the morning with a smile on your face until that millisecond hits and reminds you he's no longer there.
He won't ever be there again.
INIT. LAMIG. TANAO. ALAALA.
Before the actual performance started, there were mini events happening. I took part in 3. I danced with a perfect stranger in an intimate setting. It was disturbing and yet it felt right. I also wrote down the name of someone I love but need to stop loving. I need to love me more than I love him so I said goodbye and placed his name in a bottle. Finally, I said the words I have been wanting to ask over and over again but know that the answers will never come. I finally asked, "Why was I not worth fighting for against your fears?" and blew out the candle. With that candlelight's death, my hopes of being with him again died as well for I know that it will take a long time for him to be okay and that there's a possibility that when he is okay, it may not be me he would long for.
I was part of the last group. I was supposed to be under COLD but for some reason opted for the green light which apparently is about memories. Boy was I in for ome surprises.
Part of the experience was to talk about something you need to let go and I was one of the few brave souls who shared. We had to let go of a material thing but since I had none, I had to explain why. This is the gist of what I said:
" I wasn't supposed to go here because I know that some of the words I've written will be read or performed. However, I realized the other day that I really needed to let go already. I know we're supposed to hang a memory of the person or object we need to let go of but I don't have anything of his with me right now. Besides, he's in my head all the time. He won't get out.
It's so hard letting go of something that you yearn to happen but know that perhaps, never will. You see, the one I love also loves me but he's eaten by his fears and his fears matter more than I do. It's heartbreaking. Do not love someone who loves his fears more than they love you. It will drive you crazy. You deserve better. I DESERVE BETTER."
After I shared, people clapped. They didn't clap with the others but for me, they did. I was surprised. I was humbled.
Another moment that I had was when the SPIT group was asking questions and people would shout their answers. The last question was, "what do you see yourself not doing in the next few years?" and I answered with so much gusto, "MAINLOVE!"
Now, this would have been okay because other people would be shouting their answers but for some strange reason ... with almost 200 participants there ... I WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT ANSWERED! EEEkkkkkk! So yes, heads turned, people reacted, and I was the center of attention for more than a millisecond. EEEEKKKKK!
Overall, it was more than an experience. It was crazy, it was phenomenal, it was out of this world, and it was EXACTLY WHAT LOVE IS ABOUT. It takes you out of your comfort zone, smashes you in the face head on, makes your stomach hurl, bring you to greater heights, and then pulls you back plummeting to the face of the Earth. After getting up, you say, ONE MORE PLEASE.
Yes. This is how sick and awesome Love This is Not Yet a Musical. It is exactly what love really is.
PS. These are the pieces I wrote that was featured: Do Not Date Me
My First Heartbreak