I was talking to a friend of mine and we were chatting about crushes and dating and how I never seemed to be without one before except for the two year hiatus I took after I broke up with M. I realized that I have been craving male companionship because I've never really had a Dad and older brothers to take care of me and make me feel secured. Then I became insecure and would always need validation from the male species. After that, I had two really woonderful boyfriends (not at the same time); J and R. They gave me what I needed or thought I needed and yet, I broke up with them.
I then met Hubs and obviously, things are not going so well in that area. I think I've relied on him to much for my happiness. I made my life revolve around him and our family. I forgot who I was, what I wanted, and who I should be.
I've come to realize that if I want to do things, I shouldn't wait for someone to go try it with me. I've realized that if I want to eat somewhere, I should just go and treat myself instead of waiting for someone to go with me. I should go watch movies by myelf. I should watch stage plays by myself and not miss out on another Miss Saigon because someone didn't want to go with me. I need to start taking care of me and stop relying on others to be with me and enjoy things with me.
If someone has the same tastes as I do, well and good. If not, then that's their problem right. If they can't appreciate me for the fabulous, crazy, fun loving me, then so be it. If they think my thighs are too big, my hips too wide, my butt too rounded ... their lost; not mine.
I need to stop needing other people and just need myself. I am fabulous the way I am. Stretch marks, cellulites, fats, quirkiness, bitchiness, selfishness and all.