To say the last time I pondered on life was months ago would be the honest truth. It seems that it was back in March when I last had a reflection on life and its only now that I am doing it again. Maybe the whirlwind of emotions got to me and I just couldn't step back and look at things again but today, I plan to do that.
I took a 10 day leave from work and one of the things that my boss told me was that I should take time to reflect on my temper. He said it in jest but I know that at the same time, he did mean it. I told him, it took one to know one since he tends to be a grouch at times too.
The last 2 months have been pretty calm if I would just look back into it on a superficial level. Looking at entries I made, nothing earth shattering has happened which I am very thankful for. Beneath that calm veneer though lies a heart that is as confused as a pasta that's been tossed and mixed over and over again for at least a day. It's all mushy and worn but still firm and strong.
Did that make sense? I hope so since it did to me.
My mind seems to be at a standstill ... it has definitely stopped fighting with my heart since my heart is set on him and him only. No matter how many guys I've gone out with (trust me, there has been a lot) my mind just wants him. The experiment is not over nor will it be anytime soon. I have accepted that. I don't have expectations anymore (since it leads to tears and major heartache) but I do hope that at the end of this road, he will come back to me. He belongs to me and I am irrevocably his.
As for my temper, I am working hard on this and B is actually the perfect person to test it. He manages to drive me nuts and then melt my hear in a span of less than 1 minute. Pretty tough place to be in but its good practice. I know that it will be for my own good if I learn to find my center and be calm from within.
The last few months have been spent with family and friends; just the way I like it. Work has been good and is a struggle at times but I like it. I just hate the negative people at times since they tend to drag you down.
Overall, it has been pretty good ... there were a few minor cuts and bruises emotionally but nothing that scarred me for life. For that, I would say, THANK YOU GOD!