a grown up

Last night, some people and I were playing Query and the question I got was "When did you realize you have become a grown up?"

I felt teary eyed. I actually wanted to cry. This question hit me hard because it took such a long time for me to grow up. I'm 29 now but it was only recently that I really grew up.

I realized I was a grown up when I could no longer depend on my Mom to make a decision for me or my friends. I normally would ask friends to tell me which is the best course to go to. Now, I know that at the end of the day, I need to make a decision on my own, stand by it, and face the consequences of my actions. I can't run to Mommy anymore and cry in her arms and be told that things will be okay. I need to learn to hide my tears and plaster a smile on my face and say that I'm okay even when I'm not okay.

I need to face the consequences of my actions no matter how painful it is. I need to learn and to move on even when I want to stay. I need to be a grown up.

And so finally, I grew up.

It's a very painful process. I'ts very painful. But I have, and no matter how much I want to go back to that sniveling, whiny creature that I was and run to Mommy and let her hug me and tell me that I will be okay, that my heart will mend, that the tears will stop, I won't. I need to face the consequences of my actions, suffer, cry, learn, be strong, and move on.

This is me being a grown up. This is me still growing up.