Wednesday, January 28, 2009

on my own

All my life, my happiness has depended on people around me. It may be my family, my friends, or a lover. I was almost always surrounded by people and I like that. It is my comfort zone. I feel secure, happy, and needed when I am with people I care for.

Call it insecurity or what have you but I have always wanted people I love around me. I feel loved. I feel cared for. I feel like I have a purpose. When I am alone, I feel worthless. I feel like the world is such an empty place and no one will miss me even if I disappear.

Pretty dramatic and pathetic huh?

I know .. so today, I will relearn new things. I will learn to play by myself, to have fun by myself, and to hang out at Starbucks by my lonesome self with a good book or my laptop to write my thoughts on. I have my iPod and I can listen to songs I want to as loud as I want to when I want to and not worry that someone is telling me something and I can't hear it coz music is too loud.

I will learn to explore new skills, hone old ones, and make do with what I have. If someone doesn't want to spend time with me or be with me, then so be it. Yes, it will hurt and I will shed tears, but its better to accept that rather than beg for time. It's really not that great a feeling.

And if I get into a bad situation and find that I am alone to deal with it, then I just need to reach out to people I can really count on and people who have been there for me all the time. For now, I need to learn to be happy on my own. After all, at the end of the day, I am all I have.


  1. I mean, you know, I have special people in my life, but I cannot make my world revolve around them. Its unfair to them as well.

  2. You will always be the star of The Kenny Show. Everyone else in the cast is a costar. ;)

  3. Thanks Mike! glad to have you as a costar ... who I should see more often.


Hi! Let's all try to add more positivity in this world and adhere to the saying, "if you don't have anything nice to say, keep silent."

Showering you with unicorn poop so you'd always stay magical! Heart heart!