All my life, my happiness has depended on people around me. It may be my family, my friends, or a lover. I was almost always surrounded by people and I like that. It is my comfort zone. I feel secure, happy, and needed when I am with people I care for.
Call it insecurity or what have you but I have always wanted people I love around me. I feel loved. I feel cared for. I feel like I have a purpose. When I am alone, I feel worthless. I feel like the world is such an empty place and no one will miss me even if I disappear.
Pretty dramatic and pathetic huh?
I know .. so today, I will relearn new things. I will learn to play by myself, to have fun by myself, and to hang out at Starbucks by my lonesome self with a good book or my laptop to write my thoughts on. I have my iPod and I can listen to songs I want to as loud as I want to when I want to and not worry that someone is telling me something and I can't hear it coz music is too loud.
I will learn to explore new skills, hone old ones, and make do with what I have. If someone doesn't want to spend time with me or be with me, then so be it. Yes, it will hurt and I will shed tears, but its better to accept that rather than beg for time. It's really not that great a feeling.
And if I get into a bad situation and find that I am alone to deal with it, then I just need to reach out to people I can really count on and people who have been there for me all the time. For now, I need to learn to be happy on my own. After all, at the end of the day, I am all I have.