stress will kill me

It seems that stress is catching up on me. I found myself palpitating earlier and the inevitable happened ... oxygen couldn't go to my brain and I collapsed. My teammates found me on the floor and they told me that I had no color left in me, my lips were blue, my eyes were dilating big time, and I was ice cold.

They must have thought I was dying. I was unconscious for more than 30 minutes and my trainers wife who is a nurse said that I could have gone into coma if thethey were not able to revive me.

This was a usual occurence and would normally not scare me. What did scare me was the fact that I had a hard time forming sentences when I woke up and I kept seeing yellow when there was white. I felt so tired as well eventhough I had more than 9 hours of sleep.

Initial diagnosis is severe anxiety attack but the doctor wants me to see a cardiologist. It seems that my heart may have some fats surrounding it. I have no idea what that entails but I know that its not a good thing.

I'm scared and I can't even admit to my family that I am scared. I have no one to talk to about this and that's scary too. I just want to believe that since I'm not that good a person, I won't die anytime soon. Isn't that what they say?

I'm really scared.

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  1. That's awful. I hope you're better now. Did they figure out what caused it? I hope so. I know what you mean about facing death. When my blood pressure kept coming up super-high, I realized I could have a heart attack and I might not be able to grow old with my wife or see my kids grow up. I was scared too and that's why I went on my special diet to get my blood pressure closer to normal. I hope recover soon and stay strong for your kid.