finally ... I am jumping off a cliff


Back in college, I attended a mandatory retreat where we had to spend a night with reformed drug addicts. It was a lil bit scary at first but I realized that they were just normal people who went astray and found the right path.

Day 2 in that place saw us taking a 2 hour hike. Yes, I took a 2 hour hike all in the name of a good grade. When we finally get to our destination, I saw something that almost made me faint on the spot. I saw a really high waterfall. We went there and was made to stand near the edge.

Our teacher then asked us, "Do you believe in God?" We answered yes. At the back of my mind, I was thinking that it was a really weird spot to have a class lecture. Then the teacher turned to us and said, "Jump!"

First thought on my mind, "when hell freezes over, I'll jump."

Everyone else jumped, even the ones who were a little bit scared jumped. At last, it was just my stupid teacher and I. I told him it was okay if he flunked me. I will not jump. It wasn't because I did not believe in God. It was actually because I had an irrational fear of heights and the fact that I did not know how to swim. I did not care if there were 10 men down below who would save me. I did not want to let go of my fear. NO WAY!
My teacher was very patient. He told me, if you do not allow anything to happen to you to be safe, nothing will happen to you. He also told me, I have all the reassurances that I needed; why did I refuse to just have faith and let go? He told me, "have faith."

I thought about it ... I think several minutes passed and no one made a sound, not even the birds ... and then I took a step, screamed my lungs out, closed my mouth and eyes, and jumped. It was the most nerve wracking moment of my life. Free falling was so scary and liberating all at the same time. When I hit the water, for some reason, I felt at peace. And when I felt the arms of the men who were there to save me, I felt I was home.

And so now, for the second time in my life, I will jump off a cliff and not seek any form of reassurance. I will just believe. I will just have faith.

This is me, jumping off another cliff ... this time, with my heart held out ready to be shattered and broken by one person who has the power to do so simply because I love him but believing that he won't.

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2 comments:

  1. I admire you for taking that courageous step.

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  2. I know ... I just hope that if I fall flat on my face and my heart gets shattered, I can mend it and be whole again

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