Wednesday, May 17, 2006

a mother's letter to her son

I never wanted you in my life. I didn't want you coz I thought that I was going to be a bad mother. I was too selfish and self centered and unable to take care of myself. I thought, how can I take care of you if I can't even take care of myself?

Then you came ...

I was half happy and half apprehensive. I hated being pregnant at times coz there were too many adjustments and pains. But whenever you would move or I would hear your heart beating, I was overcome with such raw love that I knew I would kill anyone who would dare to hurt you.

You were mine.

And then I gave birth to you and it was the most painful thing I had to go through physically ... but you were worth it ... a single smile from you could erase all the pain away. And I realized ...

You're not mine.

God has just allowed me to borrow you ... and I cry ... but I know that in the time that he will lend us to you and before someone else claims you as hers ... I will make the most of the time I can spend with you ...

So while you're still small and malleable, I will kiss you and hug you as much as I want ... coz I know that one day, you will grow up and tell me to not kiss you coz you're a big boy now. And that will break my heart ... but I will respect your wishes ... and just kiss you at night when you're fast asleep.

I love you B. You are my heart, walking outside my body.

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Hi! Let's all try to add more positivity in this world and adhere to the saying, "if you don't have anything nice to say, keep silent."

Showering you with unicorn poop so you'd always stay magical! Heart heart!