Sunday, May 31, 2020

on goodbyes and starting over ...

I have said hello to so many people in my life. I have introduced myself and gotten to know them. I have fallen in love, cared for deeply about people, and treasured people that I've come to know.

However, there is something different when it comes to family.

You don't get to introduce yourself to them. They just come into your life and you get hit with this ball of love the moment you lay eyes on them. Something that K said to me before that I still remember now is that we were never introduced to each other. For all her life, I was Atsi and she was Shobe. She grew up with that. I lived with that reality.

Until now ....

The last few months, K and I have stopped talking to each other. I tried reaching out to her twice but she wouldn't let me in. So I stopped.

She's not the little girl that I know. She's not even the teenager that I know, the one who was responsible and mature. In place now is a person that I barely recognize but still care for deeply.

They're moving out today. They found a place to live in where it will just be her and our Mom. M and I have also found a place for our small family to live at. It feels surreal because I never thought that this day would come.

In my head, they were always part of my little world. In my head, it was always my family and them. In my head, I had this perfect little world.

I didn't want to let go, not because I couldn't do well on my own but because I just never imagined in the last 10 years or so living without them. They have become an integral part of my life that the thought never even crossed my mind.

It hurts.

But I have to let go.

I need to let go.

I must let go.

As I move forward, I'm lucky that I have M, B, and baby MK with me. They are my family now. They are my reason for moving forward and for putting one step in front of the other.

I have a partner who needs me to help him lead our family. I have two boys that need me to be a Mom and guide them in life. I have my very own family now.

I have said hello to so many people in my life.
I have said goodbye to so many people in my life.

I have never said goodbye to someone that comes from the same family as I ... so I won't.

It's not goodbye ... perhaps, it's a see you later ... when things are better, when lessons have been learned, when changes for the good happen, and when forgiveness creeps in.

It's not goodbye ... it's I'll see you when I see you.

For now ... we all need to start over and just love each other from a distance.


  1. I've had to say goodbye to family and friends in my life. It's hard, but sometimes you need to let go of toxic relationships.

  2. I think for every experience that we had gone through, there are lessons we learned. I hope things will get better and all's well in the end. Be positive.

  3. This reminds me of something I had to let go on my previous relationship which made me stronger on where I am right now. Thank you for sharing this thoughts.

  4. Your post made me think about a lot of things, it is important to stay strong and positive. Thanks for sharing this with us!

  5. Aw this is so awful letting is hardest part of our life but we need the deal with I hope you'll fine soon :)

  6. Saying goodbye to family is never easy! Hope things get better

  7. Life doesn't always go the way we would like it to but we just have to live with that :)

  8. I am so sorry for this loss in your life. I hope that time helps to heal this as well as working through the issues while you all are apart. And I hope that someday you can say hello again.

  9. It is really indeed very deep and heart touching...losses are really very heart breaking but we have to move on for ourself..Am sorry for you...THis is very helpful and motivating too..Thanks for sharing own experience indeed it is useful for thousands of others...

  10. As you said, life just happens to us. We don't get introduced to it. Likewise, everything just happens. Sometimes we don't even get to say a goodbye. May be, that too is a call for see you soon. Actually when it's our family, we are not meant for a hi or a bye. It's just stays along forever. Always. With love. May be veiled but the love is always there ❤��

  11. Have faith that she will come back to you. In the meantime, I'm so sorry that you're hurting.

  12. I'm so sad learning this. I know how very loving you are especially when it comes to your family. And I believe that this won't be long.

  13. This was sweet. It made me realize how hard it is to say goodbye, it's much easier to say see you later.

  14. Sometimes it's so important to say goodbye to things that no longer serve us.

  15. Awww! It is really hard. But as you said, you have to. Things are going to go great for you and your family :)

    Goodbyes are hard, but I always pray they ain't forever.

  16. It's hard to let go of the people that we love, especially when the estrangement leaves an aching hole in our souls. But with time, old hurts become faint aches and hopefully when enough time has passed you can find your way back to each other.


Hi! Let's all try to add more positivity in this world and adhere to the saying, "if you don't have anything nice to say, keep silent."

Showering you with unicorn poop so you'd always stay magical! Heart heart!