I have said hello to so many people in my life. I have introduced myself and gotten to know them. I have fallen in love, cared for deeply about people, and treasured people that I've come to know.
However, there is something different when it comes to family.
You don't get to introduce yourself to them. They just come into your life and you get hit with this ball of love the moment you lay eyes on them. Something that K said to me before that I still remember now is that we were never introduced to each other. For all her life, I was Atsi and she was Shobe. She grew up with that. I lived with that reality.
Until now ....
The last few months, K and I have stopped talking to each other. I tried reaching out to her twice but she wouldn't let me in. So I stopped.
She's not the little girl that I know. She's not even the teenager that I know, the one who was responsible and mature. In place now is a person that I barely recognize but still care for deeply.
They're moving out today. They found a place to live in where it will just be her and our Mom. M and I have also found a place for our small family to live at. It feels surreal because I never thought that this day would come.
In my head, they were always part of my little world. In my head, it was always my family and them. In my head, I had this perfect little world.
I didn't want to let go, not because I couldn't do well on my own but because I just never imagined in the last 10 years or so living without them. They have become an integral part of my life that the thought never even crossed my mind.
But I have to let go.
I need to let go.
I must let go.
As I move forward, I'm lucky that I have M, B, and baby MK with me. They are my family now. They are my reason for moving forward and for putting one step in front of the other.
I have a partner who needs me to help him lead our family. I have two boys that need me to be a Mom and guide them in life. I have my very own family now.
I have said hello to so many people in my life.
I have said goodbye to so many people in my life.
I have never said goodbye to someone that comes from the same family as I ... so I won't.
It's not goodbye ... perhaps, it's a see you later ... when things are better, when lessons have been learned, when changes for the good happen, and when forgiveness creeps in.
It's not goodbye ... it's I'll see you when I see you.
For now ... we all need to start over and just love each other from a distance.