create your happiness ...

Last night, I was talking to a friend who was about the same age as I and was also loveless. We were discussing how it seems that we attract the young ones and the married ones, both not really what we want in life. As we were discussing, I realized that as much as yes I would like to have someone at my side, I don't really need someone.

I realized that as much as I kept looking for love before because I believed that it was part of what would make me happy, I now have learned to create my own happiness and it was more habit that I yearn for love than a real need for it.

Almost two years since I stopped looking for my happiness, I have learned to create my own happiness.

I create my own happiness when I sing because I can express my emotions through singing. I create my own happiness when I blog because I am able to write down my thoughts and look back on it later on. I create my own happiness when I capture photos of places, events, food, and most of all, people that I love. I create my own happiness when I immerse myself in the theatre because I can get lost for an hour or two in the lives of others. I create my own happiness when I scrapbook because I know that years from now, other generations of my family will see the beauty of our lives.

I create my own happiness when I am able to prove my worth at work. I create my own happiness when I am able to provide for my son's needs financially and spend time with him by teaching him epic fail paper planes. I create my own happiness when I bond with my family.

Most of all, I create my own happiness when I am by myself, with my iPOD blasting, sitting in a coffee shop, reading a good book. Finally, after almost 2 years, I can now honestly, truly say that I am happy on my own and that I have learned to create and mold my own happiness.

still ...

I reached out to you yesterday and today ... I sent you a text but made it seem like I just needed some information and cut it short. In some perverse way, I wanted you to think of me even for just a millisecond ... a small amount of time taken away from whatever it is that keeps you busy nowadays.

We no longer talk. We no longer see each other. It has been months ... half a year even. I missed you. I missed chatting with you about anything and everything under the sun. Sometimes, I would see something and text you but before I finish writing down the message, I'd remember that we don't do that anymore. We don't text random items to each other, you don't text me to call you to chat, I don't call you early afternoon of Sunday just to chat ... we just don't anymore.

Sometimes, I still peek at your profile. I wonder if there's someone new ... I wonder if you guys talk the way we do ... if you connect the way we did ... if she makes you laugh  the way I did or belt out a song while paying at the toll gate.

I shouldn't. I won't ... but for now ... I will remember you and once I post this, I will forget you again ... the same way you have forgotten me.

paper planes ...

B kept bugging me to teach him how to make paper planes. I honestly didn't know how so I asked someone to teach me and found time to teach him today. My sister took shots of us and I would like to share this moment with you.

I look fat. He looks happy. Happy baby trumps fat mommy. Haha.

Happy Saturday!

and so I fell ...

It doesn't look as harsh on photo but it was truly painful. Still, I endured the pain because I thought it was worth it. It's been months, no scrath that, years since I tried using it and I felt that along with the weight loss I was truly aiming for, it was time that I get back to what I was like before.

This fall made me want to just get up faster and move on. It wasn't just the actual fall but the fall that I took in my life and have not moved on from. Falling flat on my face last night was a rude awakening but I now realized that this was a fall that I needed.

I needed to fall and have a taste of what it was like to be on the ground to realize that I do not belong there. It all happened because of this ... ....

Sometimes, a girl just needs to wear the right shoe to realize her true worth.

50 Book Challenge 2011 final update

Apparently, I was only able to do 39 books.

1. Cross Roads by James Patterson
2. Being Happy
3. Chicken Soup for the Coffee Lover's Soul
4. Hope for the Flowers by Trina Paulus
5. Have a Little Faith by Mitch Albom
6. He's Just Not that Into You
7. Little Women
8. PS I Love You by Cecelia Ahern
9. Ako ay Pilipino
10. Chicken Soup for the Chocolate Lover's Soul
11. Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
12. Mocking Jay by Suzanne Collins
13. Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins
14. Toys by James Patterson
15. Lipstick Jungle by Candace Bushnell
16. City of Bones by Cassandra Clare
17. City of Ashes by Cassandra Clare
18. City of Glass by Cassandra Clare
19. City of Fallen Angels by Cassandra Clare
20. Southern Lights by Danielle Steel
21. Tick Tock by James Patterson
22. Love, Rosie by Cecilia Ahern
23. Chasing Harry Winston
24. Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants
25. Clockwork Angel
26. Lavander Morning
27. 13 Reasons Why
28. Fallen
29. My Name is Memory
30. 10th Anniversarry
31. Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom by Amy Chua
32. Sweet Valley Confidential
33. Now You See Her
34. Fire by Kristin Cashore
35. Nights in Rodanthe
36. Torment
37. Passion
38. Kill me if you Can

This 2012 I plan to join and FINISH it. I hope I can. :) With these donated books from Kim of our PEx Book Club, it should be a breeze.

twitter pics ...

I have always been so envious when my friends or the celebrities I follow would post pics on their tweets. You see, I had no clue how to do it. The few times I asked friends, they thought I was kidding coz I'm smart and so they couldn't fathom that I'd be so dumb about something like this.

Today, I finally learned how to upload photos on tweets.

Yey!

Hahahaha! I feel so proud of myself. I discovered how to do it on my own.

For the twitter tutorial link for those who are just like me, click here.

joining the meme bandwagon ...

I couldn't help it. I had to. Haha.

More fun in the Philippines maker 

munimuni # 73

This week, a lot of people kept asking me if I was going out on dates, who I was dating, or if I have someone new. To all, I said that I was no longer dating and that I actually had no more boylets (term used to cluster a group of guys that I dated.)

I told them that I have stopped wasting time on men who don't really have serious intentions or good intentions. I would rather stick to losing weight and becoming hotter, I mean, healthier than to waste time coming up with topics for small talk with some guy. Now, if that guy were Mo Twister then yes, I would certainly make the effort.

Unfortunately, most of my friends doesn't seem to believe me. They seem to think that it is impossible that I do not have any boylets, dates, or men courting me but honestly, I really have none.

Shocking fact: I actually like it.

It is such a novelty to leave my phone for hours on end unattended, come back to it, and see that there is no message. It's an amazing feeling. Some people may hate me for my post, or think that I am such a "feelingera" but seriously, its a new thing and I quite like it.

For this weeks munimuni, I marvel simply at the novelty of not dating, having no suitors, and being free to look as good as I want to and to look as plain as I want to. See photos below. :)

without any make up on

fully made up

Ikaw? Anong bago sayo?

for the love of books ...

I met up with my childhood friend Allan today. He was going with me to some far off place in the city because a co-book club member sent me books from Canada. The only catch is that I would need to get it from her Mom's place somewhere in the North.

I live in the South. I am utterly hopeless as well when it comes to directions and I am certified to be geographically challenged.

This is the reason why my best friend had to go with me. He wasn't in the mood to be part of a search party should I go missing. Besides, I was gonna feed him after.

We ended up walking more than a mile. I do not exaggerate. However, when I saw the books, I felt super happy. After, I was thinking "wtf?!" I say this because there were over 20 books and even though I may be big, I am also mostly fluff.

Translation: completely worthless in lifting things.

These are the times that a male best friend is precious. He lifted these things the whole time and complained rarely. Add to the fact that I apparently looked like the eternal lost child he had to contend with and it was a recipe for an afternoon of heckling, him being the heckler and me the recipient who couldn't complain because I might find myself lost in the North with 2 big bags of books.

Before going home, we ended up at this little eatery that we chanced on. It was called CENCIO'S. It is located at G/F Dytronix Building Bagong Barrio District Edsa Caloocan City.

On the outside it did not look anything special but I was surprised to see that it was actually pretty homey on the inside. Best part? The pork sisig I had was actually pretty good. For photos of the menu and place, click here.

pork sisig Php79

He took me to the bus station and off I went home. It took me 2 hours but I slept the whole time. Yes, I was that tired. Still, it was worth it. I got to spend time with my friend (blech! haha) and I got a whole lot of books. What's not to love?

surprise surprise roars the dragon

A friend of mine helped in securing that I get 2 of this dragon bear from Starbucks. No, they are not for me but for my uncle and for my Mom.

They were not aware that I got this for them so SURPRISE! :)

can you love someone ...

if you know that that person is dying?

This was a question asked in a movie I just recently saw. The female lead asked the male lead if he can love her knowing that she was dying and he wasn't able to answer. I myself was not able to answer it immediately.

Mulling it over, I now know what my answer would be if I were asked this question. I hope though that I will never be asked this question.

I would say yes. I would love someone even if that person was dying. I would want to spend any time that I can with that person until his last breath. After all, when we fall in love, we never really know if things will work out. Sometimes, we lose someone to someone else. Sometimes, fate intervenes. Sometimes, it just doesn't work out. Sometimes, someone steals them away from us. And if we unlucky, sometimes, death takes them away from us.

Regardless of this, I would still want to be with that person even if I know that at the end of the day, I could lose him and never see him again. I would take one breath, one kiss, one touch, one glance, one hug than to spend an eternity of never knowing what it would be like to feel those things. I would take something over nothing.

So yes, I would love someone even if I knew that they were dying. After all, what's a broken heart compared to the joy that I will feel whenever I'm with him?

me time = divisoria time

I went to Divisoria today by myself. Yes, I braved the Divisoria crowd all by myself. What I loved about today's little trip was that there wasn't much of a crowd. It was actually pretty spacey for Divisoria and I was able to get everything that I needed to get in 2 hours.

Best part of my trip? I spent only Php2400 and I got these ...

for myself ... ready to lose 50lbs

for B :)

Best part? B loved the Angry Bird game I bought him. He told me and I quote, "Mommy, I really love the angry bird toy! Thank you!"

I felt like such a Mom. Haha.

Star City: last hurrah before 4th quarter starts ...

I was all set to fix my picture folder yesterday. This was the only itinerary that I had in mind. I even had it written down on my planner. My Mom had a different opinion and of course, she was the one who got her way.

I saw myself sitting on the couch, she saw us at Star City. Guess where we ended?

Achievement; Read a Book

B finally completed reading a book. He read this book from cover to cover. I was very happy that he finally completed reading a book. I know that with this achievement, it will only be the start of many more books that he will read from cover to cover.

The bookworm in me is once again wriggling with happiness.

PLDT my DSL CUSTOMER SERVICE sucks ...

I like PLDT. It's always been my first choice when looking for internet connection. However, I am extremely disappointed with their call center and their customer service people. Seriously, this is the second EPIC FAIL moment of Customer Service.

Here is what happened.

October bill came and our helper went to pay it. She brought Php1300 because that is the normal fee. SM cashier said the bill was Php0.01 only. We were delighted. We thought it was the "gift" that they were calling about.

November and December bill came in a red envelope. Much to my dismay, it suddenly said that we were behind in making a payment. Apparently, PLDT myDSL made a mistake and double credited the payment and this is why we had a bill for only Php0.01.

Today, I spoke to Customer Service rep Liza. She admitted the mistake was theirs but said they couldn't do anything for me. I escalated the call to TL Jordan. He too said the same thing. It was PLDT's mistake but they can't do anything. THEY REFUSE TO DO ANYTHING. Oh and yes, I COULD JUST GO AHEAD AND FILE A COMPLAINT.

GREAT JOB PLDT. GREAT F'IN JOB!

This is such a disappointment and a total letdown. This is apparently how they deal with their customers and to think I have always made a payment on time.

TO YOU PLDT, F^&K  ^&*!