sunday at westgate, alabang

I told B the other day that I would bring him to Fun Ranch this Sunday so he could go around ang play. I haven't taken him out for some time and I remembered that there was a Fun Ranch in Alabang. So here are some pictures from our day out and obviously, it was not just B who went but everyone else. It was fun!

I brought my Mom this clown doll because she seemed to really like it. I personally do not like it. Lol! =p

This is what I had at Cafe Breton. It's called a galette. It was yummy.

Here is B forcing himself to finish the donut. Look at how he managed to eat the top of the donut but left the bread part? Lol.

my friend, Flare

If you look at the two of us, we coul not be any more different from each other. She looks sensible, I on the other hand look like an airhead. We're ebony and ivory. She walks with a purpose and I wander aimlessly. At first glance, we dont' seem to have anything in common.

In reality, we actually have a lot. We're both demanding, very demanding. We both like to be organized though most of the time, it is organized chaos we have. We are both jealous and insecure and we turn to each other to calm the other and remind that, half the time, it is all in our minds.

We have been friends for some time now and we have had challenges, most of the time, the ex psychos who get in the way. There have been times that we do not talk for months and when we see each other, it would seem that we talked just yesterday. We would fight and tell each other that we never want to see each other again, and in the next 15 minutes, ask the other what she is doing the next day and if we wanna get coffee.

We are friends. We are crazy. Some people say that it is not real. I say, she is someone that I am glad is a part of my life.

last will and testament

I just made mine. The feeling was beyond surreal and the editing that I did leaves me feeling hollow. I'm only 28. I shouldn't be thinking of this but I am. I fear for my life and I need to be sure B does not fall into the hands of someone I do not trust. I hope that this won't be needed for a very long time, at least 60 more years.

I am so tired.

I am tired.

I am so tired
of pretending to be okay
of pretending to understand
of pretending to be strong.

I am tired.

I am so tired
of stopping my tears from falling
from not breaking down
from not thinking of bad thoughts.

I am tired.

I am so tired.
When will this end?
Will it end?

I am so tired.

a mom's kiss

I took a nap last night and my Mom was there fixing things on her desk. I was half asleep and before she left to go to her room, she kissed me on the head.

That felt so good. I have tears in my eyes when I remember it. It has been years since I felt that little kiss in the head when she thinks I'm sleeping.

I love you Mommy. I'm sorry for everything.

on my own

All my life, my happiness has depended on people around me. It may be my family, my friends, or a lover. I was almost always surrounded by people and I like that. It is my comfort zone. I feel secure, happy, and needed when I am with people I care for.

Call it insecurity or what have you but I have always wanted people I love around me. I feel loved. I feel cared for. I feel like I have a purpose. When I am alone, I feel worthless. I feel like the world is such an empty place and no one will miss me even if I disappear.

Pretty dramatic and pathetic huh?

I know .. so today, I will relearn new things. I will learn to play by myself, to have fun by myself, and to hang out at Starbucks by my lonesome self with a good book or my laptop to write my thoughts on. I have my iPod and I can listen to songs I want to as loud as I want to when I want to and not worry that someone is telling me something and I can't hear it coz music is too loud.

I will learn to explore new skills, hone old ones, and make do with what I have. If someone doesn't want to spend time with me or be with me, then so be it. Yes, it will hurt and I will shed tears, but its better to accept that rather than beg for time. It's really not that great a feeling.

And if I get into a bad situation and find that I am alone to deal with it, then I just need to reach out to people I can really count on and people who have been there for me all the time. For now, I need to learn to be happy on my own. After all, at the end of the day, I am all I have.

yin and yang

You know how life is all about balance? They say that since there is good, there needs to be evil to balance it out. They say that you can't really see white if there is no black. They say that this is all needed to make sure life as we know it is balanced.

When good things happen, I always expect something bad to balance it. This has been the long winding musical background that has been playing in my life. Something good happens, something bad will happen. Its the way of life.

Some good things have been happening in my life lately but of course the ex is there to try and ruin things. Him and his family, the family that has been shielding him fo fear that I might eat their son alive. Yep, I was with a guy with no balls, who feel the need to go hide under Mommy's fugly lil skirt.

Am I affected? A bit. am human after all. Will I stay affected? Of course not. I am a fighter. I will survive this. I have my Mom and other people who love me backing me up. Even if they are not there, I have B who needs me to be strong. And so I will be. Even if it kills me.

PostSecret Sharing # 4

At times, I feel like you don't want to share who you are with me ... like there's a part of you that needs to remain a secret. I don't know why ... I hope you will learn to trust me 100% soon. I am worthy of it you know.


I used to feel this way when my ex cheated on me. I had a conversation with him and asked him what he would do if the tables were turned. He told me it could never happen because I was too fat and ugly that no one will ever be interested in me.

It haunts me now and again.

* All images are from PostSecret.

Starbucks CityMug: UAE

This is the latest addition to my Starbucks CityMug collection. This was a present from a former agent of mine. I love it!
I now have the following:

• HongKong
• Manila
• Tagaytay
• Cebu
• Baguio
• Sacramento
• Dallas
• Mexico (on its way)

I am willing to accept donations of Starbucks CityMug. Lol. Seriously, I am. =)

to tell or not to tell

When you are desperate and a solution comes, but you know that solution will upset someone dear to you ... but you're really, really desperate ... and this solution is the only one that has presented itself, do you go for it and keep it to yourself therefore lying by ommission to that person who matters to you or do you tell and just pray that the other person understands you are really desperate?

I am in that situation and I am not used to hiding things. This is killing me. To tell or not to tell?

Cool Things: Gravatar

I have no idea if blogger is gravatar enabled but I discovered that DaddyForever is and so I made one and it is so cool. For those who want to understand what I am saying, please go to http://www.gravatar.com/.

Just enter your email address (use the same email address as the one you use for commenting), submit some DNA sample, then click on the magical confirmation link in your email inbox. After you enter a password and a display name, you can upload a photo or graphics for your gravatar.

Here is my gravatar.

PS. I could not think of anything to post so here is my lame attempt. Lol.

out of the dark clouds

I woke up earlier with a sudden realization. I have been really depressed the past day and I took it out on two people who matter to me a lot. What the hell was I thinking? What is wrong with me? Why do I need to go down that low end of the spectrum and wallow in self pity and hurt people that I love?

Darn. My head is out of the clouds now but I wonder how much damage I have inflicted? I hope that I can still fix it.

playing for keeps

Have you ever pretended to be something you're not to keep someone? Have you ever pretended to not hurt so that the other person won't feel bad? Have you ever said sorry just to make things alright? Have you ever wanted to cry but stop the tears so the other won't know? Have you ever been in a situation where you feel trapped but you don't make a move to get out because as much as you feel choked, you choose to be there than to lose that person? Have you ever pretended to be someone you're not just so that person will continue to love you?

Was it worth it?

do I matter?

do I matter
to you
to him
to them

will you miss me
when I am gone
will you notice
that I'm no longer there

yes
no
maybe

so many questions
even more answers
which is the truth
which one's the lie

no one will really know
till I am truly gone

do i matter

yes
no
maybe.

thank me

Thank me
for coming into your life
only if you plan to keep me in it.

Thank me
for coming into your life
only if I am the only one in it.

Thank me
for coming into your life
only if you really mean it.

Do not thank me
if you will just break my heart
if you will make a fool of me
if you will ask me to leave in the future.

For to thank me now
and ask me to leave later
is something that I'm not ready for.

So thank me
for coming into your life
only if you plan to keep me forever.