The 12 Gifts of 2016

2016 has been an awesome year. 

I just had to say that. It really has been. It has been amazing and for the first time since 2004, this year has been the one where I shed the fewest tears and it was mostly because of friendships that did not survive.

Still, 2016 has been really awesome. Now I wanna list down the 12 things that made this year truly awesome because I wanna remember it years later.

1. PSST.PH happened.  When I was first tapped to handle this web magazine, I was apprehensive but I remembered someone telling me that when an opportunity is presented to you, you grab it by the horns and then learn what you need to along the way and so I did just that. 10 months later, we are not as famous as other sites but we do have over 600,000 unique visitors already and I have a team of 22 strong who are all working hard in ensuring we deliver credible stories.

 

2.  My sister had her church wedding which also happens to be the first wedding in our family. This was a momentous moment for all of us because it was the first.

3. Dinner while Cruising Manila Bay. This is the first time we went on a cruise and though it was only for a few hours, the happiness on my family's face was simply awesome.

Photo taken using Fujifilm XA2

 4. Karl went to SG and pursue his dream. This photo was taken a minute before we started crying. Yes, we were happy to see him pursue his dream but we were sad coz he won't be around anymore. It's been 8 months and he's visited 2x. The goal for 2017 is to visit him in SG. Soar high my brother. You deserve it.

5. Les Miserables and Ian Veneracion

Yes, there were two awesome things in May so I had to list both down. My sister and I got to watch Les Miserables which I thought wasn't possible anymore because tickets have been sold out but guess what? They extended and we got the last 2 available seats. Yeah boy! 

After 28 years, I finally met my childhood crush, Mr. Ian Veneracion. Wala lang. Ang saya saya saya ko lang kasi niyakap nya ako ng mga 30 seconds. Heaven!

6.  First out of the country trip - HONG KONG

It was my first time out of the country and I was alone. This was also a first for me so it was scary and exciting but guess what? My family (one in Bahrain, one in SG, the rest in Manila) all kept me company via Facebook Messenger so I never felt I was alone. It was AWESOME!

7. Brent celebrated his 11th birthday.

 8. I became a Kdrama addict and colored my hair for the first time in my life.

 9.  Karl's surprise visit! This one has no explanation needed.

10. Batanes! Thank you so much to my ASUS family for bringing me here and letting me stay for almost a week. Grabe, dream come true!

11. Palawan. Thank you so much Karl for this birthday gift!

12. Karl comes home for Xmas and New Year!

This year has just been really awesome. It saw the birth of PSST.PH, #lipsticklovebyK which has 64 posts to date, and even the addition of YouTube videos that I have made as well as my venture into tech. I may still be single but you know what? I would take all of this over a lovelife any day.

I have so many people who value and love me. Isn't that the greatest gift of all?

Life on Mars in the eyes of a Child

Life on Mars 

When I was a kid, I have always wondered what it would be like to live in another planet? When I grew up and I started watching movies where aliens eat people and invade Earth, I lost the curiosity. Blame it on Hollywood but I thought, it's better to just stay on Earth and be the only specie existing.

This all changed when I saw the preview of MARS on NAT GEO. It made me believe once again in the possibility that we could live on MARS or more probable is that my son could live on MARS.

Bridging the space between science and science fiction, MARS tells the story of mankind’s thrilling quest to colonize the Red Planet. This global television event redefines on-air storytelling by combining film-quality scripted drama and visual effects with a powerful documentary interviewing some of the best and brightest minds in modern science and innovation, including Elon Musk.

The scripted portion of MARS follows a crew of six fictitious astronauts in the year 2033 as they travel to Mars aboard the spacecraft Daedalus – Earth’s first-ever crewed mission to the Red Planet. When the uniquely qualified Daedalus crew arrive on Mars, they explore astounding wonders and grapple with unexpected challenges as they work to set up humanity’s first colony on the Distant Planet.

MARS also showcases an unprecedented collection of interviews with the world’s leading scientific minds. As the fictional story of the Daedalus crew unfolds, television audiences will hear real interviews with some of the most fascinating people on Earth, including astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson; business magnate and inventor Elon Musk; Andy Weir, author of The Martian (adapted into an Oscar-nominated film starring Matt Damon);  and former NASA astronauts Charles Bolden, John Grunsfeld and James Lovell.

The show’s stars include South Korean-born singer, composer, and multimedia artist JiHAE, playing Mission Pilot Hana Seung; and Ben Cotton, known for sci-fi productions ranging from Battlestar Galactica: Blood & Chrome to The Chronicles of Riddick, who takes on the role of American Mission Commander Ben Sawyer.

Due to my fascination, I started to wonder if my son would actually be interested in living on Mars and coz we had time, I decided to do a vlog of him and his answers. It was actually very interesting hearing the thoughts of an 11 year old child about life on MARS. 

National Geographic asks “Are You Ready” for life on Mars?

For those who would like to see the teaser and for more information: 

Philippines

Make Mars Home 

Before Mars 

For those who would like to experience MARS because who wouldn't? Drop by here to know more details.

no more appearances

Me: Do you ever think of me? Do you remember me when you're busy?
Him: You make regular guest appearances in my head.

This was around 1.5 months ago.

It has been 3 days now that I have not heard from him. I don't know what I said wrong or what happened but he just stopped replying to my message. I knew that he was losing interest but I thought it was just me being my paranoid self. Apparently, I was spot on.

It really shouldn't matter you know. Seriously, it shouldn't. Sino ba sya? He's just some guy I went out with 3x. Why should he matter? So what if he and I talked endlessly for almost 2 months. I'm not a stapler. I shouldn't get easily attached.

But I do.

And it hurts ... a lot.

I'll get over this. I know that much about myself by now. It just hurts though because ...

I really should just stop caring. I don't understand people who keep saying that we should continue to love and care like we have never been hurt before because seriously, how can you continuously put yourself out there?

I don't understand why guys that I like just seem to go away.

Really, it's not. All I wanted is to just have someone to go to at the end of the day and talk with. All I want is to have someone who I can have fun with and hang out with. All I want is to have someone to share my life with and it seems, there is no one.

I really should just stop. It's over for me. It really is over for me and love.

no longer serving coffee ...

A few days ago, I finally told you about my state of health and one of the things that I even compared me to was a coffee shop. I realize now that my brain really knows better than my heart. I’ve come to see that I am indeed your very own coffee shop. 

Coffee shops are places we go to in the morning or at night. This is where we do our good mornings or where we say, what a day! It’s a comfort zone. This is where we spill thought vomits or share ideas which we may need help on. Coffee shops are awesome but we only really remember them when we have nothing else to do or when we need them. In between, they are parked away without a thought thrown in their direction. 

In this sense, I am a coffee shop to you. Initially, I was something exciting, like when you discover a new place. You couldn’t wait to see me or hang out here. In fact, you managed to hang out in this place 3x amidst your busy schedule. You made time. I felt important.

However, as with anything, when the excitement wore off, you’ve stopped trying to see me. I have become just another coffee shop to you. We are a dime a dozen but you still go here daily simply because you got used to it. You message me and talk to me but it’s more out of habit rather than anything else. After all, we have been chatting daily for almost 2 months now. Habit is formed when you do something for several days. 

I am just a habit now. I am not anything special. I mean, yes you like me but that's about it. You just like me. You.Just.Like.Me.

This should have been okay. It should have been. After all, we went out on 3 dates. THREE DATES. So what if we chatted daily from morning till night for one month straight? THREE DATES. So what if we have made it a point to talk to each other and be each other’s thought dumping sites for the next month. THREE DATES. It doesn’t mean anything. IT WAS JUST THREE DATES. Regardless if we had talked to each other daily for two months it was just three dates. 

It means nothing right? 

WRONG. 

Apparently, I am a stapler. I get easily attached and I have become attached to you. While you simply saw me as a comfort zone, I have started seeing you in a different manner, one that you do not share. I’m not as dense as you think I am. Whenever I try to say something that hints of my feelings,  you send me a freakin smiley. A SMILEY. Gah!

Thankfully, I am a little bit smarter now and I have come to realize that I am falling again for someone who is not going to fall for me. It’s not your fault. I don’t blame you. There are so many reasons why you’re not. Again: 

1.       You barely know me.

2.       THREE DATES.

3.       You don’t really have time to get to know me.

4.       You don’t have time to even assess what we are.

5.       You just came out of two broken relationships. Sometimes I feel envious that for her, you booked a plane ride just to have dinner and I can't even have one with you in the last month when we are in the same city. This is the part where logical me says "he's just not that into you."

6.       You are still broken and hopefully healing for your own sake.

7.       You just don’t see me that way.

8.       I was just someone convenient if we will be utterly honest.

So there. Now that we have established that, I would like to say thank you … 

1.       For making me laugh

2.       For making me feel special

3.       For being there when I needed someone

4.       For calling me out when I am petulant

5.       For calling me out when I feel insecure

6.       For not giving me false hope

I would also like to say goodbye for now. I need to do this for myself before I fall for you 100% and have my heart broken because you won’t be there to catch me. Contrary to popular belief that I will simply bounce when I fall, I won’t. If I fall for you and it looks like I will at the rate I am going and judging on how my heart flutters like crazy whenever you message (the few times in a day that you actually remember me) and you don’t fall as well (it’s fairly obvious you won’t and it’s cool - - - okay it’s not cool but I gotta think it is) then I’m in for some serious heartache. 

I can’t make you love me if you don’t. I won’t force myself on you as well. I’ve learned to love myself enough to never do that again. So I’m gonna step back and get myself all sorted out. I need to. 

Distansyang Sapat - - - I wrote this poem when I initially realized that I liked you more than I should and you didn’t like me more than you should. Distansya muna ako because I need to, because it is what my heart needs and when I’m okay again, when I no longer feel things for you that I shouldn’t, perhaps I’ll say hi and we can be friends again. Or perhaps I’ll just cherish the memories and moments we had and pray that this 2017, you find the healing that you need and you find that girl who will make you believe in love again because it’s obviously not me. 

It’s not me and it hurts and this is why I need to step away. Goodbye sweets. It was good while it lasted but I think it’s best we leave what we are behind in 2016 because what we are is confusing and is now starting to hurt me. I wish you well. It’s just sad that it wasn’t me. I could have made you forget all about the pain you have in your heart but I guess it’s not for me to do but for someone else. 

I hope you find her soon. For now, this coffee shop now no longer serves coffee. Perhaps it never will again.