the longest goodbye ....

We officially broke up last April 16. Since then, there have been a series of goodbyes and hellos, hellos and goodbyes. It was like we were drawn to each other .... I couldn't stay away and he couldn't refuse me when I reach out.

It was that kind of love .... consuming and so we were consumed. It was a fire that just kept on raging and devouring everything in its path and the two of us were definitely right on its track. It hovered over us, licked us with its passion, bit us with a vengeance, and lit us up until there was nothing left but ashes and remnants of what once was a great love.

Quick to burn but not so quick to die .... truth be told, its still not dead but water needed to be poured for the ember to die. It had to. As he said, it had to happen.

This had to happen.

I asked for one day more and was given 6 more months of seeing him, being with him, and tasting every bittersweet moment that I spent with him. I treasured every minute that I had with him. Every moment that I could, I would tell him I love him. If that were the last time I would see him, I wanted him to know that I still love him and that I would take him back in a heartbeat.

However, it had to stop. He finally asked me to stop. As he said, he NEEDS me to disappear from his life but he's not sure if he WANTS me to disappear from his life. Confusing eh? I know. I'm confused and he's confused too.

He told me, "To love is to let go. To love is to not be selfish. To love is to not be controlling."

So I will stop being selfish and controlling and show him that I really do love him ... and if loving him means that I need to let go and let him explore the world on his own to find out what he really needs in life or who he really wants, then I need to do just that even if it hurts. I love him that much.

As I said to him before I left the car ... "I'm letting you go because this is what you need. If you are meant for me, if we are meant to be, you'll come back to me. I love you."

It has been the longest goodbye ... for now ... for the meantime ... or perhaps, forever.

Mystic Brew Cafe

I finally found Mystic Brew Cafe today. Maybe it was fate, maybe it was just meant to be but once I stopped looking for it, I suddenly chanced upon it.

I wasn't supposed to attend the parade of my son today. I wasn't even supposed to be part of the parade. There were a lot of things today that were not supposed to happen but for some reason, I found myself drawn to doing it and so I ended up here.

Hmm ... seems the place lives up to its name of being mystical.

First thing I noticed was the interior of the place. It was eclectic and had that old world charm with touches of modern life. It was homey and very welcoming. It was a place where one can feel like you're just lounging in the comfort of your home, albeit a more luxurious version of your home.

The other thing that stood out for me were the staff and the owners. To say that they were welcoming would be an understatement. I was entertained very well and all my questions answered candidly. Honestly, I love helping out establishments like this because I know that the owners are people who really love their business and doesn't just see it as another money making scheme.

While I was busy looking around and taking photos, my son took the initiative to order his favorite pesto pasta.

B loved it. It had all the things he liked in a pesto pasta. It wasn't dry, it had nuts, and the chicken. The texture of the pasta wasn't too soft nor too hard as well. It was al dente per his words. Yes, my son uses words like al dente. I think he's going to be a real big foodie when he grows up.

I also tried their Chili Mint Coffee. Now, I had my reservations about this one. Truth be told, I said to the staff, "who the hell wants to put chili in their coffee?" They told me that this was actually a crowd favorite of people who were a wee bit drunk since the chili adds some kick to the coffee. When I tried it, I didn't feel a kick.

I felt a taekwando, muay thai, aikido, and jujitsu kind of kick. It wasn't a kick. It was a KICK! Yes sireeee ... the chili was overwhelming and crazy! For the sheer experience, I didn't regret getting this coffee though I wasn't able to finish it. It seems I wasn't ready for the full blown adventure given by this concoction.

We also got the Wands in a Cauldron which is basically french fries but it was placed in a cauldron which I really, really liked.

For myself, I ordered the Spicy Beef and I finished all of it on my own. I liked the sauce, the meat, the rice. I loved everything period. Haha. It was filling and it wasn't an overkill. It felt and tasted right.

The Choco Chimp Freeze was also another winner. In fact, before we left, B ensured that there wouldn't be any left in the glass. He gulped down the last drop. I think that tells you how it tasted right?

This one was a gift from the owner of the place. This phantom smores were a sight for sore eyes. I loved how they used the melted kisses to make a ghostly face and how the graham crackers complimented the chocolate and marshmallow set in between.

Honestly, if it weren't for B, I would have finished the entire thing all by myself.

Overall, I was really happy that I got to try Mystic Brew Cafe. It was exactly what I wanted in a cafe and I can definitely see myself hanging out here more often. In fact, I'd much rather go here and spend an afternoon reading while sipping coffee than go to Starbucks. 

stuff I got from the Box Shop of Mystic Brew Cafe

infinity bracelet

Love love love the place. It's a must!

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a broken doll ...

I am a living doll
I am pretty
with bright eyes
Rosy cheeks and a wide smile.

I laugh, dance, and sing.
I am ready to do your every bidding.
Ready to be played with
and then gently put on display.

I am a living doll.
I am pretty.
You can toy with me
You can mess with me.

I laugh, dance, and sing
A mere puppet in your hand
For I am a broken doll
And I feel nothing.

Goodbye Finn

Glee has been a big part of my life. For some reason, most episodes, perhaps 9 out of 10, there would be a song that they would feature that just correlates with whatever is happening in my life. This has been what was happening since Season 1 and why I have never let go of Glee.

When I found out Cory Monteith was dead, I was devastated. I don't even know him but I was. Finn, his character, was just someone I find myself having a crush on ... he reminded me of the funny man actually. Quirky, funny, crazy, but always loving. He has his jerk moments but he always makes up for it just like the funny man.

Finn is gone now. So is the funny man. See the correlation? Finn is dead ... the funny man has simply moved on from me ... from us. Watching today's episode of The Quarterback, I have shed so many tears and I know that a part of it is really for Cory who plays Finn but mostly, its for me ... and my love for the funny man.

His fear of me is so big that I feel like there will never come a time that he will come back to me and I feel like our love has died. It is such a great love but I marred it with violence and harsh words and he just can't find it in his heart anymore to believe that I have truly changed.

Rachel lost Finn to death ... I lost my Finn to my wrongdoings and because I have scared him badly enough that though he still loves me, he'd rather pursue a possibility with someone else rather than risk being with me again.

This, I believe, is one of the most painful truths I will ever have to accept.

I write this now and tears just won't stop flowing. I feel like I lost someone to death and that after that one more meet up, I will never ever see him again. I will never see him smile at me again. I will never feel his lips on mine. I will never hold him in my arms and have him hold me in his arms ... all because I was so stupid and so immature. All because I did not appreciate and treasure what I had.

Now ... it may be just too late.

Goodbye Finn. Thank you for al the smiles and the songs.

Goodbye my Finn ... my funny funny man ... thank you for everything. If I could just have you look into my heart and my soul, you would know that there is nothing to fear from me anymore but I can't.

Sadly, I can't.

consumed

Your hand on my body
I melt like ice on fire
I am consumed
You still don't care. 

what to expect when you're expecting Northern Big Bites

There are a few things one can look forward to when you visit the Northern Food Festival of Marquee Mall. As the title of the event says, you need to get ready to take some BIG BITES. Yes siree ... BIG BIG BITES.

First on the list and mind you, these are personal recommendations of mine based on what I tried yesterday. My gosh ... it was only yesterday that I was stuffing myself silly with so many food.

This is the Apag Marangle Sisig Wrap. It was so good that I regretted only getting 3 pieces. I know I could have downed 30pcs without even blinking. It was just so good ... imagine, fried sisig and fresh lettuce. HEAVEN!

Christy's Special Bulacan Chicharon is next on my list. I'm not even a fan of chicharon but I had about 10 pieces of this. It's already a lot because we were feasting on so many other things.

Sweet Heavens from Nueva Ecija's Leche Flan is to die for. I actually kept remembering Tito O, FM's dad because he's also a fan of leche flan and this one ... this one is definitely to his liking. It was smooth and creamy and oh so yummy. It was DELICIOUS. It was indeed heaven on earth.

We also had a taste of Kabigting's Halo Halo. Now I was thinking what the fuss was all about because is was just halo halo but when I was able to try it out, I finally understood. The filling inside was definitely a whole lot different from the standard halo halo. The pastillas, the bean paste, the combination of everything was just really great.

You can read all you want about my food adventures but as they say, its always best to try things on your own so why not head over to Marquee Mall in Pampanga on October 18 -20 and have the gastronomic experiences of your life.

this is me getting a surprise with grilled frogs

Northern Big Bites .. and boy did it bite me!

I was invited to be one of the media partners for the Big Bite Northern Food Festival. It was rare that I get to go to Pampanga so I took the chance and said yes. It was a decision I would not regret.

On the road, we were in a van with other bloggers and it was fun getting to know them. I'm glad my brother wasn't out of place at all. 

Finally, we got to the venue and this is what happened. I took my usual shot at the photo wall.

RJ Ledesma was apparently the host for this press launch and what I really like about him is that he makes an effort to talk to the media and press. He also doesn't discriminate between the bloggers and the traditional press people.

Now, since this was a food festival, it was bound to happen. I wasn't prepared but since I'm a foodie, I said to myself I will go for it. So I did.

I had a go at the exotic foods being served and first on the list was the stuffed frog. Ick. I was so apprehensive trying this one out because it was a frog and it was shaped like one. It wasn't just legs but the actual body. Still, I did and I can say that yes, it does taste like chicken. So there.

The next one I tried was the Camaru or what is more commonly known as crickets. Yes, those tiny insects that make a lot of noise at night. It seems that it is fried and sauteed in garlic. I hoenstly did not want to eat it because this was an entire insect. Head, legs, body, et al were all there to be eaten.

I did and it was crunchy. If you actually can stop thinking about it, its pretty tasty and good. Still, I can't help but think the whole time, "its an insect I'm eating. It's an insect. Ick ick ick."

3rd of the exotic item I tried was the egg of the lizard. Now this is not just a lizard but a pretty big one. Click here to see what it looks like. This one was something that I actually really liked. It was creamy and tasty. It was like chicken egg but better.

The last one was grilled frogs. This one ... uhm ... it wasn't to my taste. It felt a bit oily. Thankfully, I just has to take a bite and not finish the entire thing. 

There were a lot of other food featured but for now I just wanted to share the exotic ones. If you happen to be in Pampanga, do try these delicacies. It's worth the visit.

Every foodie will have to mark their calendars for “Big Bite!  The Northern Food Festival” from October 18-20 at MarQuee Park, Angeles City, Pampanga.  Get your gang ready, grab a date, bring the whole family along or have the office sign up for a road trip.    Big Bite! is the glorious Filipino food celebration that promises to surpass all food fests before it.  

drawn ...

like moth to a flame
like spectators to a circus
like blood to a killer
I am drawn.

No words ....

Kopiko's Low Acid Coffee

I've seen this sachet before and have been always curious if there was a difference in the taste from that of regular coffee. Today, I gave in and tried it.

The smell was definitely sweeter and the taste was smooth. I actually prefer it over the standard Nescafe 3in1 drink. Overall, it was a pretty different experience and if its really true that this is low acid, then here's to more cups of joe to help me stay up the night.

I gave this a go for a week and definitely, I had fewer acid attacks so yes, I will recommend it. 

I'd have to say that this one is a keeper.


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Good Fellas Steaks and Burgers

First impression I had of the place when I got out of the cab was, "This couldn't be the right place." It was literally something that I wouldn't notice or pay any attention to. On the outside, it looked like this.

On the inside, it looked like this.

It was quite elegant and it was the exact opposite of what it looked like on the outside which was a bit  downtrodden. Soon as I stepped inside, I felt I was transported to a time where Scarface and the Mafia ruled the world. And in this joint, they did which kinda scared me. Haha.

First thing we had was the pumpkin soup. It was very thick and creamy with hints of spice. The noodles added texture to the soup and helped kill the monotony of the soup. It was definitely rich in flavor. If you love your soup, you can get one to share (Php220) and if not, there are also solo cups (Php120.)

We also tried the Grilled Chicken Salad which is sold at Php295. I loved that the greens were very fresh, the dressing not overly done, and the grilled chicken was done just right. It was soft and tender and the seasoning was just right.

The third item on the list was the WiseGuy Burger which sells for Php395 for a solo and Php465 for sharing. It had hints of spice in the patty which was also thicker than the thickest patty that you can find at McDonalds. Pure Angus Beef at half a pound topped with honey cured bacon, American Cheese, lettuce, tomato, and onion wrapped in oattie buns.

Afterwards, they served us the Freshman which was grilled fish skewer with red and green bell pepper plus onions. It was brushed with lemon butter sauce which brought out the taste of the cream dory and served with either pilaf rice or mashed potato. I strongly recommend going for the mashed potato. Lovers of fish would definitely love this.

The second to the last item we tried was the Meatball Clemenza which is a classic take on spaghetti with meatballs. I loved how everything was just perfect. It reminded me of childhood and the comfort of being at home. The pasta was al dente, the sauce had a homey taste and it was just perfect.

The star of the night however was the Tomahawk Angus RibEye Steak which is also known the Tommy Steak. This is a kilo of all natural angus rib eye steak which is every grillers dream. This is hand trimmed, highly marbled, extremely tender and incredibly juicy. This is something that every steak lover in town will definitely want to get their teeth on.  It is very soft even when cooked well done and it was a pleasure to bite into.

One serving is good for 4 people with ordinary appetites or 2 crazy steak lovers. Yes, it is that big.

The Tomahawk or Teddy Steak is the steak for GoodFellas. It is the steak you order when you want to celebrate getting that first promotion or even just a job well done. It is the steak to have when you are celebrating a milestone in your relationship. It is the steak a family can share when there's an achievement in the family. It is the steak to drown yourself into when your heart gets broken.

No matter what state you are in, what point in your life, be it up or down, the Tommy Steak is the one to have when you visit the GoodFellas Steak and Burgers. After all, it is the steak for the Good Fellas.

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* I was invited to review the food. I did not pay for my meal. However, the free meal did not in any way sway my opinion and everything you read here is MY PERSONAL OPINION. 

an afternoon with Mommies ...

Yesterday, my plans of just writing and doing nothing else were abruptly changed when a Mommy friend of mine from B's school came a calling and asked me to come over her house which was 15 minutes away from my house.

She said that another Mommy friend of ours was also at her place and that there were issues with B's school that I might not be aware of. Of course I went over and found myself being absorbed in the world of Moms who are very involved in the school life of their kids.

You see, I can't afford to do that since I am also a working Mom and my schedule changes. My work place is also pretty far so I really barely have time. However, when the Mommies and I were all chatting yesterday, I realized that though I may not always be around, I have established that my son is not someone that people can just mess with because I will definitely come with guns blazing.

Hearing the Moms reach out to me and ask for help made me feel valued ... made me feel that though some people would say I am "mataray," at least my son will never be picked on or treated unfairly because they know that I will never accept that just like that.

So to you Moms out there, always stand up for your child and for what you know is right. Teach your child the same things. Teach them to stand up for themselves and never let anyone pick on them. If you know that you are right, fight for what you believe in. Thank you fellow Mommies for reaffirming that what I do for B is indeed right.

why I love Starbucks ...

Starbucks is my second home. It is where I go to meet someone new over coffee and cinnamon swirl in the hopes that perhaps he is the one. It is where I go to get to know that certain someone over a cafe mocha. It is where we go to celebrate milestones in our relationship with cakes. It is where I go to weep for the failure of that relationship. Most importantly, Starbucks is where my family and friends go to help me pick up the pieces of my broken heart in your couches. What’s not to love about Starbucks?