push away

I pushed you away

not becauese I did not believe you

but because I did not believe in me

I pushed you away

not because I did not trust you

but because I had no faith in me

I couldn't believe there was someone like you

who loves me for me

who accepts me for me

I couldn't believe there was someone like you

who thinks that I am worth loving

who feels that I am worth keeping

and so I pushed you away ...

*** This is for someone who tried to teach me that love is real. I didn't believe. I thought that all men were scum like my ex. And now ... it might be too late. =(

you keep pushing me away ...

When you've hurt someone you love deeply, and you're on the verge of pushing that person away, how do you make it up and how do you pull that person back? How do you heal someone else when you yourself are still hurting from the scars that you received from a previous battle? How do you love someone when you don't know if you are worth loving?

Can someone tell me?

munimuni # 37

This week was pretty eventful. A lot of things happened and a lot of realizations came to mind. It's been a year without Mark now but there are still moments where you feel the emptiness especially when the group gets together and you realize, there is that one person missing and will always be missing.

Coz of this, I try to make the most out of the times that I have with my family and love ones. I maximize the time I have with them because again, we do not really know until when we will be here or when they will be with us. As good as it is to imagine that we will all be together forever, this is just not the case.

I also realized that when two heated heads clashed, no matter how much love there is, you will hurt each other. I don't know what it is with people that we just hurt the people we love without really good reason. Why do we do that?

Lastly, I realized that family and the people who accept you and love you are the ones that only matter in this world. Nothing else matters. They are the ones you need to value, you need to spend time on, and the ones you should listen to.

So to everyone, kiss that person you love. Tell your family and friends you love them. NOW. Don't wait another day. Don't wait another moment. There might not be any so do it now. Now is the only time that matters. Nothing else.

Most Creative Bunny: my li sis, K!

posing before the event
with our Mom and the Bunny mascot

the competition

the winners (K, most creative; the pink rabbit was the cutest, and the blue one was wackiest)

showing off her certificate for winning Php5,000 SM GC

Today, I am dead tired. I woke up way too early. I made up my sister coz she had a contest that she joined. We entered her into the most colorful bunny costume. The prize was Php5,000 which was pretty big for a costume contest for kids.

K had lots of fun and my Mom of course was a proud Mom. I was proud too but tired, really tired. Lol.

A Reason, A Season, a Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are.

They are there for the reason, you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people any way; and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

Summer Outing 2009

my Mom posing in front of the scenery

the ever present family pictures

K and J buried in the sand

B playing in the water

We went to the beach yesterday to relax and soak in some sun. Some people, unfortunately, soaked in too much sun and our now suffering from sunburn. Lol.

Anyway, were supposed to go to Triple G Resort originally but found it not to to our taste as they had a lot of people drinking beer left and right. Their beach was also swamped with way, way too many people. It reminded us of a pigsty so we walked further along the shoreline till we found the White Cove which was homey, cozy, and very nice.

We had fun and I even swam in the beach. Teehee. It was really cool. We had fun and we were dead tired by nighttime. It was a good day, well spent with people that I love.

one year without Mark

Yesterday, we went to Golden Haven because it has been a year since Mark left us. Last year, I wrote about what happened. This year, the pain has dulled a lil bit but the missing him part is still the same. We look at their group and know that it will forever lack one little kid.

This is a picture we took with him. Yes, there he is, laid on the ground, forever at peace. We know that he was with us, though not physically.

I just wanna say, I love you Mark. You will always be my little brother.

for now ...

There's forever. There is eternity. There is after life. There is beyond this life.

Then, there is for now.

It's crazy I know. It's all false hope and illusions whenever we promise love to one another, love that will last forever, for eternity, after life, and beyond this life. For now is more realistic, its more tangible. For now should be good enough. It should be.

It's not. For me, it will never be good enough.

I am a hopeless romantic. Even after all the heartbreaks that I have been through, I still believe that a love that can surpass anything exists. I believe that as long as both parties are willing to work on things, as long as both parties want that forever, it will happen.

It takes two to tango and one to end the dance. A relationship crumples when one doesn't believe that it will work, when one isn't sure that it will work out. A relationship, for it to work, the two people involve needs to believe that it will work, that they can talk anything out and compromise to make things work.

If this wasn't true, then no one would reach 25, 50, or even 75 years of being married to the same person. If this wasn't true, the great love stories will not be written for there would be no inspiration to get it from.

I hope I find my eternity. I just can't settle for "for now."

finally! running water

We finally have running water in our house. This makes me so happy because I love taking showers. There is just something different about using a shower when you take a bath as opposed to using a pail and a bucket to pour water over your head. I feel cleaner and just a wee bit more sexy. Lol. Crazy huh?

Maybe its just me. Maybe, not.

the green eyed monster

If the scenario above happened and I happen to be the girl not holding the champagne glass and the guy is MY guy, trust me, the other girl would be super refreshed since I would pour the content of the glass on her head.

Yep, I am that jealous. I've never caused a scene nor made a scandal. This is one thing I am most proud of. I am an insanely jealous woman but I have never created a scene. I know how to keep my emotions in check even when the ex introduced me to his girlfriend while he and I were still together. I have that much self control.

Still ... even I am amazed at how petty and jealous I can be when I am in love with someone. Everyone suddenly becomes the enemy. Of course this is all in my head and I maintain my charming and pretty veneer but I doubt almost all girls save for my friends.

I get jealous when some girls sends an SMS. I get jealous when someone makes a comment on a status or a photo. I get jealous when I see my guy talking to a girl I don't know. I get jealous when lil details are wrong since it makes me think that maybe something happened somewhere with someone that I am not aware of.

It's probably because I feel that since I am inlove with this man, who wouldn't be? Crazy right? That's how I am when I am in love. I make the guy I am with feel like he is a king, like he is the most loved and cared for man in the world. In turn, I get insanely jealous when there is someone else in the picture.

It's wrong I know. Good thing there is an antidote to my jealousy and its constant and endless reassurance. Sometimes it gets tiring for the guy so I need someone who will never tire of reassuring me. Really, this is just what I need.

Constant and endless reassurance.

the guy that I wished for

I once made a wish. I wished that I would meet this one guy, this one guy that would love me for who I am, who would not make a fool of me, who would stay with me no matter what. I wished that he would be sweet and thoughtful, that he would value me for what I am worth and more.

I wished for this guy one night, not knowing if it will come true or not.

Days passed by and life went on. Life as I knew it was the same. I wake up, do what needs to be done, and sleep afterwards. I forgot about my wish as life happened.

One day. I received a private message from someone. Let's call him WALL-E. He made a comment about a post I made and looked really cute in his pic. Out of boredom and because I was feeling shallow that day, I decided to reply and give him my number which I rarely do. I thought, if he turned out really ugly or whatever, I can just ignore him.

He started sending text messages. Lots of it. He was persistent. There were things about him that I learned which made him undesirable in my eyes and so I brushed him off. It did not work.

One day, I decided, maybe if he saw me at my ugliest, he'll back off. I met up with him. I met up with him and looked like trash. I wore loose clothing, did not have make up on, and my hair was in disarray. First thing he said to me upon seeing me, "Wow! You're pretty!"

Ugh.

He continued pursuing and I tried to dodge. I became bitchy, catty, nasty, and just plain rude. It did not work.

Eventually I realized he was what I was wishing for. He was this one guy that would love me for who I am, who would not make a fool of me, who would stay with me no matter what. He was sweet and thoughtful, and he valued me for what I was worth and more.

He was my wish granted. It seems wishes do come true.

munimuni # 36

This week has been crazy for me. It was full of highs and lows. Monday was pretty boring and then Tuesday kicked in and everything went crazy. I had tonsilitis, ulcer, and bodyaches. It was really, really bad. I suffered from it till Thursday. I had hot water bottles pressed to my tummy and white flower oil drizzled on my stomach. It was that bad.

Now, when I feel a teeny tiny bit hungry, I panic and get food. I will never, ever starve myself again for whatever reason. It's crazy.

I got the chance to hang out with some family friends whom I have not seen for some time. It was funny updating them of what was happening in my life now. I'm glad we were able to catch up.

I also met up with some really old friends. Jacq has been my high school friend and Neil, the last time I saw him was 10 years ago. Lol. It's that long. It was fun and we were able to catch up a lil bit. I hope to see more of them in the future.

Lastly, the week ended with my little sister garnering 2nd honor awards at her school. Beauty and brains! Beat that! =) And my other lil brother is still in the running for Magna cum Laude and the other one is already doing his thesis. Wish them luck and blessings guys.

So there goes my week in a nutshell. It was filled with lessons about not abusing health and catching up with friends and family. So blessed.

SPH # 19: Stripes

STRIPES

I had a bit of a hard time coming up with pictures for the theme. I did not want to get the normal striped shirt and I realized I also did not have a lot of stripy things that I own. As I was mulling things over while hauling my books, I realized ...

Hey! My books represent a lot of stripes when you look at it a certain way. My other stuff look a lot like stripes when viewed at a certain angle. So here you go, the striped patterns in my life that represent some of the things that relaxes me and make me happy.

Happy hunting! =)

Litratong Pinoy # 1: Paboritong Litrato

ang aking UNICO HIJO (lalaki po sya at hindi babae ... hehe)

Ito ang una kong pagsali sa palarong Litratong Pinoy. Ito ang aking paboritong litrato ng aking anak. Kinuha ito noong siya ay 3 buwang gulang pa lamang. Nakakabighani ang kanyang ngiti at alam ko na kahit hindi pa nya ako ina, mapapangiti ako tuwing makikita ko ang ngiting ito.

At makalipas ang halos 4 na taon, napapangiti pa rin ako kapag nangingiti sya.

need some cuteness to cheer me up

These are some of the pets we have here at home. We have a guinea pig who does nothing but eat the whole day. And we have kittens who are not scared nor wanting to eat the guinea pig so its all good.

Just thought of posting their picture to cheer me up since I am still not feeling well.