Sunday, October 8, 2017
Dear ME ...
It's been almost a month. It's been almost a month since life threw you a curve so hard that you haven't been able to stand tall again. It's been a month since the world as you know it for the past few months has changed.
Yes, things have changed.
It is no longer what it used to be. It is no longer how you knew it to be. It is no longer how you knew things to be and perhaps, it will never be the way it used to be.
We don't really know anymore ... we simply float now ... letting tide take us where it wants to, not being able to control what happens where, when, how, or why.
Are you okay? Will you ever be okay? Will you be able to recover from yet another part of you being torn away from you so hard that it has left a gaping hole where your heart used to be? Will you be able to smile fully again? Will your eyes sparkle like it used to? Will you laugh heartily and without care? Will things be ever the way it used to be?
Why do you hold on? Why have you not let go? Why have you not cut ties? Why do you hang on even when you're not sure there is something to hold on to? Why do you keep pretending to be strong and okay when deep inside you are crumpled and broken? Why do you still hope that things will be the way it used to be?
Why do you love?
Perhaps. Perhaps I love because when you take out the bad, there were many good things and moments. Perhaps I love because I choose to look at the good and understand the bad. Perhaps I love because he matters more than my feelings of hurt. Perhaps I love because I know no other way. Perhaps I love because I do not know how not to love him.
Perhaps ... I love because I just do.
I'm just here for you.