reminiscing ....

I just saw this love letter sent to me before by R.

Before you, my life was tranquil, peaceful, sedated. I wanted nothing more than to hang out with my friends all day and swing by the comic shop to check out what was new. After you came along all hell broke loose. Emotions of every kind, color and shape flew every everywhere, a roaring maelstrom I could not stop. The tranquility of my life has been utterly destroyed, but you know what? Now I can’t even imagine what my life would be without you.

Everytime I think of you a stupid smile forms on my face and people look at me funny. I never thought I could feel this way again. For a year I shed the heavy cloak of the romantic and promised myself I would never fall again. Then you came along and turned my world upside down. I put on the cloak again and it wasn’t so heavy anymore. In fact, it was light as air and so was I. They say that happens when you’re on cloud nine.

I thought I could never write words like this again, but you have a penchant for proving me wrong. Where I once struggled to write now it is as effortless as breathing, and just as necessary, for I feel if I didn’t express all the feelings inside me I would simply explode, for I feel that strongly about you.

I thought life without you was peaceful, but that was only because without you it was so empty and shallow. Now your voice and your laughter resound throughout, your smile and your eyes ever present in my mind, and though at times I feel I might be overwhelmed, I could not imagine anything that would make me happier than seeing your smile or hearing your laughter. At one point I wondered if I was dreaming. Then you bit my shoulder. It hurts ‘till now so guess this couldn’t be a dream.I want to make you happy, I honestly do. You validate my existence on this Earth every time I make you laugh, or every time I can make you smile. Every time I can make you laugh it gives me a sense of purpose, as if God’s mission for me in this life is to make you happy. Now that wouldn’t be so bad now would it?

I love holding you in my arms. There is a feeling of completeness about it. It’s like the two of us put together can stand up against anything the world has to offer. When I hold you the majesty and beauty of life manifests itself. The dreary colors of the world slink into their holes and all I see is sunlight and bright colors, as if someone had tuned up the brightness and color on his TV to the maximum level. A feeling of warmth surrounds me, and it’s the good kind of warmth, not the warmth of a stunningly hot summer day that makes you want to lock yourself up in the refrigerator. It is the warmth you get when you see a newborn baby, when your mother holds you when you’re sick, when two old folks hug and kiss each other like it was their first day to be in love. It’s the warmth you get when your heart knows you are holding someone very special, someone you could love for eternity, or at least ‘till the day you die.

There are so many words to write, so many thoughts in my head I cannot focus. I guess I should end this with a few facts. I love you. You made me believe once again that love does exist and it is not overrated and it can and will be the most wonderful thing we can achieve in our lives. You make me happy. You make me want to change the bad things about me so I can be a better man for you (but I refuse to give up my sandals). You make me feel complete in a way I never thought I could feel. You made me fall in love again, and that is an achievement, because I was doing a pretty good job of denying myself love. Lastly…I love you. So much that at times it hurts, but always in the knowledge that it is worthwhile, because nothing makes me happier.