April

April 2013, 2014, and 2015 were very hard months for me. April 2013 was when I saw the shattering of a love that I thought was real ... a love that I believed with all my heart was real but wasn't. This year, subconsciously I dreaded April and when it came around, I braced myself for the pain that I thought I would feel. 


I used to tell myself I didn't love him anymore ... that I was over him ... then I would remember him and I would feel pain, yearning, hatred, love, and self loathing. Now, I feel nothing. I remember him and the good times we had and I cherish it but I no longer feel pain. I have learned my lesson and I've realized what happened had to happen and that it made me a much better person. 


He came into my life for a reason and to be a lesson. When I realized that and accepted it, life became easier. I forgave myself and I became more accepting of things. I learned to let go of what could be and accepted what is. 

3 years ago I lost myself. 
3 years later, I found myself once more. 
I am never letting go of me ever again. 
Never again. 


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25 comments:

  1. Yes, it is easier to handle heartbreak when you can see the lesson. Lucky that you see it now, sometimes it has taken me a very long time to get there. Blessings to you.
    Carol
    http://carolcassara.com/5-exercise-hacks/

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  2. Falling out of love is hard. What does love have to hurt?

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  3. It's tough to move on, but when you know you've had enough and you've given your best you'll realize that there's nothing to go back to. I love those last three lines. You're such a strong woman!

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  4. Relationships can be painful, but I'm glad to hear you've put this one in the past and it's not affecting you so negatively anymore.

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  5. Congrats on finding yourself and getting over lost love. I figure if it didn't happen the way you envisioned it, it was never meant to be and you are better off. Not feeling anything at all is a good sign you've moved on.

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  6. This is so true. Acceptance is important. Once you've accepted it, it's easier to move on.

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  7. Some of life's lesson are painful to learn.

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  8. I imagine the more time that passes, the more you'll learn from having been in the relationship.

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  9. Such a mature outlook on that relationship. Some people never learn it;). People to come into our lives for a reason! Even if it hurts :(

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  10. I am never letting go of me ever again.
    Never again.

    -> BEST realization!!!

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  11. It's important to let go. I'm glad you're sharing that message.

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  12. Aww… I love reading love stories like this. It always makes me feel mushy inside.

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  13. Sometimes, it is really tough to move on from heartbreak. However, there is always something to learn from the experience.

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  14. They say we need to meet a bad man once in order for us to know who the good man is. Perhaps he is the bad man and the next time you let yourself fall in love, you know who the good one is. Loving is such a wonderful feeling. Love all you can. Cry if you need to. But dont ever let yourself be lost. By the way, nice meeting you at the van back at Starbucks 6750. I alighted first at Paseo de Roxas to mee tmy mom at Zuellig Building :) See you again when I see you.

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  15. I am so glad you are on the path to finding yourself, and I hope you never let go!

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  16. I went through something similar in 2012. I was deeply in love and even lived with him and then we broke up...it took longer than I would of liked to move on but I have as well. Cliche I know but time heals it really does!

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  17. Moving on is just about the hardest thing to learn and the hardest thing to do. But once you realize you have to do it, the rest kind of just falls in place. But it's all about time. Thanks for sharing this message.

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  18. I'm glad you're fine and moving on. Sometimes writing what we feel.. helps a lot!

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  19. Oh honey, im sure life always smiles back at you, keep it up!

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  20. The heart wants what the heart wants! But sometimes we have to tell him what is best for you

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  21. We all have been through this phase of life. It is the part where we learn and move on. I am now remember my past heartaches too. Good thing they are all in the past.

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  22. Love is full of many lessons. Some good, some bad.

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  23. Thank you for sharing this with us! Moving on from something that took over yourself can be hard.

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  24. Falling in love is beautiful, but it's horrible when it falls apart

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  25. I believe that getting hurt is given when you truly loves someone. Glad you are okay now.

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