Too high maintenance.
Too hard to attain.
It was always that I was too much of something. I was never enough. I was never worth it. I was never just right.
The last guy I fell for, I wasn't good enough. I was too fat and too far. Suffice to say that with the many broken hearts and pains I've encountered, I finally gave up on love. November 18, 2017 I met a tourist guide in Iloilo who told me to go pray at this certain church we went to. I asked her why and she said that she heard me say that I have given up on love or on finding my forever. It seems that this particular church was where women go to pray when they want to find the one.
Did I believe her? Not really but at the same time, I didn't want to be rude so I indulged her. I went inside the church and uttered a quick prayer. I remembered saying that "Lord, if there is someone for me, let me meet him asap because I'm supposed to be married by 2019 according to my Mom's prophecy." I meant it in jest because as I said, I honestly believed that I wouldn't meet anyone because apparently, for most men, I was just too much.
November 21, 2017, this happened.
He finally met and got to know my world and he didn't run away. In fact, he made sure to find a spot and glued himself in that spot. No amount of eyebrows raising, eyes glaring, or scathing remark could scare him off. Spending a day with my family did not scare him off either. Heck, 3.5 hours of travel time just to get to my house did not scare him off as well. It seems that this time around, I was not too far, too silly, too crazy, or too much.
This time around, I was PERFECT ... perfect for him and in his life. When I told him we lived too far from each other, he replied that it is mere distance. He wasn't going to let distance keep us apart. When I said I was too fat, he said that I was sexy the way I was. When I said that I was too this or too that, he said that I am perfect the way I am.
He always marvels at how pretty I am and how hard I work. He seems to just be amazed at what I have deemed as ordinary about me. It feels amazing to have someone appreciate you for who you are minus the glamour, the make up, the glitz of events, and what not.
He saw me when I didn't even think of being seen. He noticed me when I was too busy to give a care about the world. He found me when I stopped searching for love and just went on my way. He reminded me of what it felt like to be valued and cared for, to be treated like a woman in the truest sense of the word. He respected me and proved it by going to my house and meeting my Mom and entire family. He never backed down even when my Mom told him of what was bad about me. He faced my friends and showed them he was serious about me. Heck, he even loved the fact that they were all grilling him. He said it proved that I was someone worth keeping because my friends were adamant in protecting me.
He's seen my bad side too ... how I don't like to talk when it's too early in the morning, how I easily snap when I am hungry, how I have no patience for idiots, and how I can curse like a sailor when triggered. For some reason, he still didn't run away.
With him, I was never too much. I was more than enough.
It still feels surreal to be with someone when I have long given up on the idea of finding Mr. Right. I remember fighting off the feelings because he just felt right and I told myself that most likely I am wrong but when I saw my family and friends accepting him for me, I realized that he was worth the risk.
It's been less than a week but I know that this is right. It feels right from the very beginning and we have the blessing of people who matter to us. We have our families guiding us every step of the way and most important of all, we both want this to be our last relationship. We're no longer young and we've done crazy things in the past. This time around, the only crazy thing we can do is to be crazy in love and in making each other happy.
I finally realized that if its the right person, you can never be too much. You don't need to change who you are or pretend to be something you are not. You can be you and know that the other person will be more than happy to have you in their life. With the right person, you will always be more than enough. Isn't that what real love should be like?
When you find someone who fights to find a spot in your life and makes you remember what love was like before all the betrayal, and heartbreak, you keep that person and thank God for a wonderful blessing. Thank you @markbalmores for waltzing into my life. I love you too. 12.14.17 pic.twitter.com/2RiFA0cZlH— MsKathyKenny 宝云 (@mskathykenny) December 17, 2017