So some time ago, I wrote about HOW NOT TO MOVE ON AND DRIVE YOURSELF CRAZY ... thankfully I have been able to move on from that craziness and lately, people have been asking me how I did it?
How did I move on from the greatest love of my life? How did I recover from crying every single waking moment to the point of being severely exhausted? How did I go from being a silly puppy who was at his beck and call to just not reaching out to him anymore and not even caring when we accidentally saw each other?
Don't worry. This won't be one of those type of lists that makes it seem like moving on is a breezy. This will be the real deal, from someone who has had her heart severely shattered 4x and has had minor breakage from small possibilities and what if's or guys who friendzoned me after making me feel there might have been something (hello Kitkat haha.)
It's a choice actually. Granted that mine took 2 years before I could make the choice to move on but it's a choice. One day, I realized he was just using me and my love for him to make himself feel better and clarity prevailed.
Seriously, just feel the pain. It's not like there's anything you can do and those people who tell you to just move on, don't listen to them. Pain needs to be felt. So cry it out. Do an ugly cry. Wail. Have that moment on the bathroom floor where you just lay naked and cry your heart out. You need this. Hello, you just had your heart broken. You deserve to do some really good walling moments while asking "whyyyyyyyy????"
Give yourself aa realistic timeframe. It doesn't mean that on said deadline you will just feel better. The idea here is, how long do you want to feel miserable over some creature who most likely does not give a care? How long do you want to hold on to that iron that is burning your hand? 3 months? 6 months? 1 year?
Now that you have chosen a timeframe, give a heads up to friends and family so they know how much time to endure and support you in this really weak stage. They may get frustrated but know that it is because they love you and they hurt coz you are letting someone who doesn't love you hurt you. It's a cycle I know. It sucks but you're not the only one hurting. You are the one hurting the most but people who love you are too.
SO WALLOW BUT SET A TIME LIMIT.
2. 5 minutes
You know how when someone breaks your heart they are all you can think of? It's like there's some psycho that has been let loose in your head who just placed him in all your memories? Heck, even peeing reminds you of him coz there was one time you had to pee so bad but because you guys were talking you held it in. Mundane things but it can drive you crazy. Apparently, this is normal too.
There will be that 5 minutes that he won't creep in your head. Look forward to that. The first time I experienced and realized that I did not think of him for 5 minutes ... that I had 5 minutes all to myself without any thought and memory of him, I wanted to dance on top of the Eiffel Tower. It felt like such an achievement because I realized, I can have my thoughts back to myself, even for just 5 minutes. Baby steps but steps nonetheless and this is really the start of your journey to getting yourself back.
3. Purge / Disassociate
Okay, if you can't let go of some things then just disassociate. I have a Taj Mahal snowglobe that I really love and now, its just a snowglobe, not a gift from someone who used to matter. The rest, PURGE. Do not throw it away. Donate to the needy or less fortunate. It feels so good to see these things go to someone else. It's like giving back and cleaning yourself of dirt all at the same time. It may be hard because of the memories but it will help a little bit.
Fine, some of the breakables, feel free to break them and think of their face while doing it. It's not ideal but we gotta do whatever we need to do to heal right?
Don't expect to immediately be okay after this. It's a big step but it's not the end of the road.
4. Visit old places with new people
Ths one works. It's unnerving to go to the places you used to go to because what if he's there with someone new? Bring friends or family. I would recommend against bringing a date because you should not even be dating at this stage. It helps to make new memories in old places and replace the ones you had with someone.
When you do feel ready, visit those places BY YOURSELF. You need to overcome that feeling of being owned. He does not own that place. You should be able to go there on your own without any fear or worries.
5. Remind yourself of your breakup moment
When you want to call him, text him, message him, Viber, Snapchat, and what not, remind yourself of the moment he said "Sorry I don't love you anymore" or "No, I don't want to be with you anymore."
YES, it will hurt. This is exactly why you need to remember it because it will be more painful when you call and he's cold as ice or when he seenzones you or does not answer you. Rejection, when done multiple times, will hurt more and more and more until you can just hurt no more. I said wallow in pain, not add more to it. You are not the waves in the ocean that can keep crashing to the shore. You are a person.
Know that one day, there will come a time you will be thankful for that break up moment. You will realize that it was necessary. Not now though. Right now, it is just painful so again, wallo but set a time. You can't keep holding a burning iron in your hand. Eventually, it will disintegrate your hand and you still need that hand to create wonderful things for yourself and the people around you.
So cry, be miserable, BUT BELIEVE that one day, you will be okay again. YOU WILL BE. BELIEVE.