if I believed in paradise

... I wouldn't be hurting right now ... feeling every inch of my heart breaking and trying to patch itself only to be trampled by your reckless actions and words

.... I wouldn't suffer humiliation in front of my friends whenever you get upset over something.... you would love me the way I deserved to be loved

.... you would learn to swallow your pride and say sorry instead of waiting for me to be the one to wave the white flag

.... we would all be happy and not just pretending to be okay

.... then tears wouldn't be running down my face right now, my heart won't be aching, and my dreams would still be intact.But I no longer believe in paradise

... i wonder if I ever will again.


3 Comments:

Oldqueen44 said...
Wow... You don't sound so good. I would like to suggest to you to read "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Doctor Laura. Also... Created To Be His Helpmeet"These books are difficult to read for a contemporary woman but they will help you to understand the dynamics of married life. Men and women are so different in their thinking. Take charge, be proactive. Don't give up, trust God to have the very best for you. That is what he has planned for you. Friends come in all shapes and sizes for all kinds of reasons. Some are for a life time and some are for just a season. It is a hard concept to accept but once you settle on why friends come and go it will make the going part easier. I figure I always have to give 100% in a friendship. If the time comes that I realize that person is not interested in being bosom buddies I let the friendship drift. There will be another person around the corner that desires the friendship I have to offer. You have to think about what you can offer others rather than why they are not being the friend you need. All that being said I feel your pain about the loss of friendships. I have a friend that has been very intertwined in my life for 20 years. In the past 2-3 years things have changed. It has been a big adjustment to me but I am accepting that God had us bonded for a period for specific reasons and now it is time to move on. It really is OK. It is not the end of the friendship, the dynamics are just different now.Be a good mother. Be good to yourself physically and emotionally. Read those books and trust that things can be better.
at 3:44 AM

Daddy Forever said...
Sounds like you really hurting. So sorry. I hope you find paradise again even though you don't believe in it right now.
at 12:26 PM

Heart of Rachel said...
I'm sorry for what you're going through. I hope life will lead you to a better road, away from pain.
at 12:14 AM