Last week met me with surprising news. Not only was I chosen as a Spotify Influencer but I was also chosen as the face of a new aesthetic clinic. To say that it bowled me over would be an understatement. I mentioned this not to brag but because one of those surprises led me to #August2PaRinKita.
Spotify is rolling off with a new campaign that will last one day and its aptly named #August2PaRinKita (I still want you; its a play on August 2 since if you speak it in Tagalog, it means I still want you. - - for my English speaking readers.) Anyway, I never realized that perhaps I do still want someone someone even after all this time until I started watching this Korean drama and all the feelings came back.
Perhaps its just the Kdrama or maybe, its the feelings I've hidden and buried that is just coming back to life. I just find it so ironic that a campaign that I am helping Spotify with would hit so close to home. I mean, I've moved on, that I am sure of but I've also realized that even when you moved on, it doesn't mean that you no longer have feelings for that person. It just means that you have accepted the situation and have come to terms with it. You are at peace with what happened which was something that I couldn't accept before.
I hesitated writing about it. Perhaps I got used to him reading everything I write but I realized, I don't even know if he still does and if he does, do I really care? I think we've both moved on. Last I know, he was happily in a relationship with someone and as for me, I've accepted my lot in life.
It's been a year since I have been out with anyone. It's been a year since I have even met anyone. I've been doing really well with just focusing on my work, my family, my friends, and myself. When a guy even attempts to talk to me or say hi and I know that there's even a small interest, I just completely block the person. I just can't do it anymore. I don't want to do it because I don't know if it will lead to something good or bad and I can't ... I just can't risk it anymore.
I used to have so much love to give ... and now, I no longer do. I no longer want to. I can't. The thought of it alone makes me curl up in fear of the pain that I could go through again. Sometimes I wonder to myself, what would I do if he and I bump into each other and I find myself praying like crazy that it never happen.
He used to tell me about serendipity and that we never know what's in store for us and I used to want that to happen to us. I used to wonder what if 5 years from now, he and I get a second chance? Wouldn't it be amazing? Now, I pray that he's madly in love with that girl and that he and I would never ever cross paths again.
#August2PaRinKita but I also know that you are not good for my heart and right now, I matter more than my feelings for you. I'm glad that you finally let me go and that our last conversation was you wishing me Happy Birthday and that the last time we saw each other, you treated me really badly emotionally. You made me feel like I was something you used then discarded. It finally broke the rose colored glasses I had for 2 years after we broke up. When you discarded me like trash, I realized that to you I may be worthless but to me, to my family, to my son, to the people who still love me and accept me, I am priceless.
#August2PaRinKita but I know better now and I know that I deserve someone who would also tell me and make me feel #August2PaRinNyaAko.