When your life is threatened to be cut short at any moment, it makes you think of what really matters in life. It makes you reflect on what you are doing and why you should continue it or simply stop.
It makes you ponder.
So just in case my life is cut short I wanna be able to say this ...
My Mom ... you are the most beautiful person on this planet. You are my rock, my anchor, my reason for wanting to be strong and being strong even when I am not. You are the most resilient person I have ever seen in my life and you are simply amazing. You are one of a kind and the way you love someone astounds me and scares me at the same time because you just love, love, and love even when the person does not deserve it. I love you is not enough to say the love I feel for you.
Ate ... you and I, we have always been at odds with each other and we have spent a lot of time bickering but I know this and I hope that you know this. I will die and kill for you. I will always be here for you no matter what and I will always love you no matter what.
Karl ... you will always be my little brother no matter how macho you are now. You will always be the boy who cried because you broke some girls heart and you felt bad about it. I was so proud of you at that moment because it showed that you are a good man. I hope that never changes. I love you.
Kirk ... you will always be my plucky little brother. You will always be the boy who called me to say that you did something bad and if you were a bad person for doing it. I was so proud of you because even when the person you did that to deserved it, you still felt bad about it. Don't change that. I love you.
Kianna ... you will always be my 2nd baby. Yes, you are my 2nd baby. You are the little older sister that I was lucky to have. You were so mature and so understanding when I broke down from a heart break. You held me when I am the one who supposedly should be doing that. Sometimes, I believe that it is actually you who should be the Achi and not me. I hope you continue to learn from my mistakes so that you won't ever have to make them. However, if you do make a mistake, learn from me that you will be okay ... it will be okay. Never give up. Never. I love you Shobe.
Allan ... you are my best friend. You are the one person outside my family who has accepted me fully, crazy and all. You have seen my horrible side, lived through my crazy and still end the day with, "you okay Kens?" We do not always talk but I know you are there when I need you. You will never turn your back on me and I am so deeply grateful for that. I love you. I love you Allan. You are the best boy friend that any girl can ever have.
Sherlyn ... I'm just super happy that you seem to finally have found the one. I hope he takes care of you the way you deserve to be taken cared of. You were there for me when we were kids and I will always be thankful for that.
Jacqueline ... my sweet Jacqueline ... I hope you learn to fight for your happiness and claim it. You deserve to be happy my dear. You deserve it.
Vida ... you have helped me grow up from the spoiled brat of a girl that I was that you initially met in the office to being, as you say, a mature strong woman. You have been my cheerleader, always reminding me of how far I have come and how far I can still go. I love you. You are my older sister from another mother.
FM ... you were the one. I'm sorry I hurt you. I hope you know that I am truly sorry for hurting you and losing what we had. I hope you find that one woman you need and deserve in life. I will always love you.
E ... thank you. You know what I'm thankful for. We have known each other for only a short time but you have become such a significant person in my life. You matter to me and I know that I matter to you as well. Remember what I said okay? You are an amazing person. You deserve someone who will be more than satisfied with you, accept you, and love you with all their heart. Find that person and never settle for anything less.
Bez ... you will always be the first person outside my family who tried to protect me from a guy who tried to break my heart. I love you.
Monica ... I have learned so much from you. You are still young but you have so much to share. Your positivity is contagious. Never lose that.
Most importantly, my son.
You are the reason why I am still surviving despite the many tragedies that I have gone through. You are the reason why I never give up but if time comes that I won't be here anymore, please remember that whatever happens in your life, you will survive it. You will as long as you don't give up. Persevere and make things happen. I love you so much baby. To me, you will always be my baby.
To my friends who I am not able to mention anymore ... I'm just really grateful that my life has been filled with moments that took my breath away. Some of them good, some of them bad but all of them, has made me who I am and I hope that if I should leave sooner than expected, I have been part of the moments that took your breath away as well.
Cheers to life.