I realized that I have never written anything about R. Pretty crazy since amongst all my exes, he was the one who treated me really well and who made me feel really loved.
I met R because of Neri. She's a friend of mine from college who apparently met someone online two years from when we met. They fell in love online and sent each other pics. When they met up in real life so to speak, he did not like what she looked like and dumped her. The exact words were, "I am not yet mature enough to go look beyond the physical."
Two years after they met, Neri and I became friends and since she had such faith in how good I looked, she thought I could avenge her. R and I became what we can call textmate. V and I were still together then but he was okay with that since it was supposed to be for fun.
I got hooked to him via text. Not hook that I fell in love with him but that I found him very interesting and entertaining. I liked that he could talk about things and make me think on my toes. I liked that he made me learn new things and that he was different. Whenever V and I fought, I would turn to him. He became my shock absorber and my sponge. He thought I was having a fight with my exboyfriend then. We were reeling him in and I was the worm to the bait.
One day, we decided to meet. I was with Neri at the mall and he came. I think he knew what was happening soon as he saw Neri but he couldn't really confront me. He was just really quiet soon as we sat down for snack. I asked him, "Cat got your tongue?" to which he replied "Actually, yes." It was pretty witty since he knew me by the name "Cat."
Next was to invite him to dinner at Neri's house where I introduced him to V. That was the clincher. Neri got her revenge and I felt like crap; still, I thought, it was for my friend and he was a scumbag for hurting my friend.
He drank a lot that night. A lot.
He became a little bit distant after but I continued to text him and call him. Out of guilt? Maybe. I think I was starting to like him and V and I were on the rocks. Eventually V and I broke up and he asked to court me. I didn't alllow him since I knew Neri still liked him but it was Neri who made a way to get us together.
It was harsh. I was harsh at him. I didn't want to fall in love after being hurt by V and so I hurt him and hurt him. Eventually, he won me over. It was pretty smooth sailing, our relationship. My family learned to love him and his family adored me. Talks of us settling down was discussed and I was welcomed by his side and he was welcomed by my side.
Alas, as they say, some good things never last and we didn't. I still can't pinpoint what made me break up with him. To this day, I sort of regret letting him go. He made me feel like a queen. I never doubted him, even for a second. I was secured with him. I was loved.
If I see him again, and I'm free and he's free ... I would most likely tell him, "I wish it was us again." I wish. I had him at his best and I chose to break his heart. It's crazy. I was crazy.
Still, I've learned my lesson. I will never make the same mistake again. Never. I will never let go of something good and something special. Never again.