so much hate

I have so much hate in me now. So much hate ...

I hate my ex for making a fool of me not just once, not just twice, but multiple times.
I hate myself for allowing to be made a fool of.
I hate J for being not flexible.
I hate people who live in the now, who do not make future plans.
I hate people who make excuses when they don't want to do something.
I hate being jealous.
I hate having the ability to love and love again eventhough I have been hurt badly.
I hate being an optimist despite my pessimistic facade.
I hate hoping.
I hate the drama.
I hate feeling burnt out.
I hate being vulnerable.
I hate loving and getting hurt.
I hate crying.
I hate being a charity case.

I hate me right now.

love's best friend

Falling in love is one of the scariest thing on earth. Being in love is one of the most wonderful feeling on earth. Staying in love is one of the most arduous tasks that one can face, especially when the person you love is the reason why you are having a hard time remembering how and why you fell in love.

When this happens, what can save a relationship? What can hold together a love that went wrong? What can keep two people who fell together from falling apart? What can preserve a love meant to grow from drying and dying?

3 things ... there are 3 things that can save a relationshop from totally fizzling.

Security
Trust
Communication

When you have all 3 in your relationship, then it will not die, then it will grow, then it will continure to hold the two of you together ... so I hope that to all lovers, you have these 3 all the time, anytime you need it, and even when you don't.

Teehee. This should have been a post for Vday but I am so in love with life and love and everyone else. =)

munimuni # 33

This weekend, I was able to prove to myself that I can really go to great lengths when it comes to people I love. I can do things I hate and not be hateful doing it. I can withstand things I normally wouldn't put up with to make someone else happy.

This weekend, I am thankful for the following:

- great memories
- friends who love me
- family who is there no matter what
- movie marathons
- TUBIGGGGGG!!! Lol.
- tickets and stuff to scrapbook
- camera phones, camera's ... thank God for digicams
- my healthy, makulit son
- my Mom
- J ... mwahness to you
- aircon at the office ... Manila heat is too hot hot hot!
- Vitaplus ... for keeping me from getting bigger. Lol!

The Final Set ... not the final night

Super fun! Spent it with people I trust, love, and who matter. It's the final set for the Eraserheads but definitely not the final night for us all. =) Peace! Lol.

happy bday lanipot!

It was the birthday of one of my team members. We still had to work but at least we were able to celebrate it in our own lil way. Happy bday Lani! You rock!

* the art thing she is holding on the first photo was made by me. Teehee.

weekend with B

Here he is playing with his bike which he got for his 2nd birthday I believe. He is turning 4 this July. How fast they grow.

He drew his Tita Kianna, himself, and me. Then he wrote the numbers 1 - 10 backwards except for 8 which he has a hard time writing. Lol.

This is his name. He wrote it all by himself.

Here he is blowing bubbles. See the concentration? Hehe ...

And here he is playing with our guinea pigs. I bet the guinea pigs were dead scared. Hahahaha!

no guarantees

Step away

this is what I must do

Step away

this is what I cannot do

push back

i should save my heart from you
push back

i can't seem to get away from you

let go

no guarantee is given to me by you

let go

coz the forever that you say is not true.

spiraling out of control

Has it ever happened to you that you were really excited to talk to someone or be with someone since you really miss that person but soon as you do, you fight? It starts with something trivial and then escalates until you're so mad at each other that you don't even know what you are fighting about and yet you can't seem to stop.

This happened to me several times in the past and just recently. I don't know why in the middle of the fight, I just can't step back, breathe, and relax. The other person is pushed to the limit and starts fighting back. In the end, everyone is hurt and pained and no one is happy.

How do you keep things from spiraling out of control?

saturday swimming

B with Kianna taking part in the parlor games ...

greeting the celebrator Happy Birthday

showing off his Barney hat

posing with Barney

in the pool with Nanny J

I'm still not sure if my son and his aunt were invited to the party or if they crashed it. Seems that the aunt was invited by another guest and not directly by the celebrator. Lol. Anyway, they were welcomed and they seemed to have fun. Most important, they brought a gift. Lol.

not a girl, not yet a woman

She is so gorgeous! My lil sis is not so lil anymore ...

a gift to treasure

Here is the latest addition to my toy collection. Jollibee is the local archenemy of McDonalds here in the Philippines and they have come up with a doll collection showing costumes from the 6 different countries where Jollibee can now be found. I already have 2 out of 6 and I am about to get the 3rd one on Monday. I do wonder how I can get the other 3 since it's not in the budget. The 1st 2 are a gift from J so THANK YOU SO MUCH. Hehe.

Mwahness to your kind heart.

B: the model

This was taken an hour ago as B and I were walking inside the village. I decided to take a stroll with him to spend a bit of time, just us alone. We talked about school and going to SM and his swimming party later. Hehe. It was nice. I loved how he loved to pose for pics. I can safely say now that we won't have a problem taking his picture when he grows up. Hehe.

dealing with a 3 year old toddler

My son is the most darling little boy in this world. I come home from work and he screams "Mommy" as if he hasn't seen me in years. He would hug me and kiss me randomly for no reason. If I am still awake, he would request that I bathe him and dress him. We would dance together, sing together, play online games, and be camwhores together.

I love him to bits and pieces ....

until he starts screaming and yelling like somebody wa trying to hurt him when he does not get his way. Then I want to make him bits and pieces (this is all in my mind of course but Moms, you know what I am talking about.)

I am amazed at how a sweet lil angel can turn into a banshee like creature when he does not get his way. This means everyday, every single day, we have mini episodes of him screeching to get what he wants. He's a really smart kid but this is one lesson he seems to be having a hard time learning. No amount of screaming and crying will make him the boss. No no no. It just won't happen.

How do you deal with this? Please, tell me.

I love B but there are times I want to put him back in my tummy. Lol.

B the animal lover and the geek

If your geek looked this gorgeous, wouldn't you fall for him too?

truly over you

Today, I faced my ex for the first time after almost 4 months. He sat diagonally across me in that lil room in the baranggay hall wearing shades. First thing I noticed was that everything that he was wearing that day, from his shades, to his undershirt, long sleeves, pants, socks, and even his shoes were things I bought for him. It almost made me laugh since the reason why we were in that baranggay hall was because of money issues. Money he would not pay his sister but insisted that I pay.

It striked me as funny because what he wore were things I bought him and for a devious minute, I was tempted to tell him to strip and give me back everything that I bought him including the clothes he was wearing on his back. For a devious minute, I was tempted to lower myself to their level. But I did not.

I proved to myself one thing though. I no longer have any love for him. I felt nothing for him but pity. I pitied him for being this miserable creature on earth, I pitied him because until now, he has not found love and he will never find love. He has fooled two women and used them for their money. He will never find love because he does not know how to love and how to appreciate people who love him.

I am glad that I am rid of him. I am glad that I am no longer part of his family. They are not good people; they did not raise a good child and are even proud of it.