what if there was never an us ...

M ... what if there was never an us? What if instead of going along with your little game of "if you don't return the letter, you're my girl" I made it a point to return the letter? Would  have known the beautIy and darkness of love at such a young age? Would I have known what it felt like to be a filler for someone that you couldn't have? Would I have learned that insane jealousy is not a sign of a good relationship?

K ... what if there was never an us? What if instead of giggling like a mad girl after you stole a kiss in that movie house during the end of Notting Hill I ended up slapping you? Would I have known what it was like to want someone only because I couldn't have them and soon as I did, I lost interest? Would you and J still be friends? Would I have learned that a girl must never go in between best friends?

J ... what if there was never an us? What if instead of letting you pursue me at the risk of destroying your friendship with K, I just told you to back off and left the both of you alone? Would I have known what it was like to be physically loved for the first time in my life? Would I have known what it was like to be welcomed by an entirely new family separate from mine? Would I have learned that just because there was a lull does not mean that I should have given up?

E ... what if there was never an us? What if I had left you out at the South Gate of La Salle soon as I saw how wrongly dressed you were during our first date? I should have taken it as a sign. Would I have known what it was like to be fully ignored for a week because a person was too busy? Would I have known what it was like to wait for hours on end, wondering and scared that something may have happened only to find out that I just didn't matter enough to be informed?

R .... what if there was never an us? What if I had said no to my friend's suggestion of playing a trick on you? Would I have known what it was really like to be loved for the first time? Would I have ever known what it was like to be treasured and cherished against all odds? I would never wish that there'd never be an us. If there never was, I would never have known what it was like to have been loved for me.

RA ... what if there was never an us? What if I had said no when you sat down to have breakfast with my friend and I? Would I have known the pain of getting hit in the face? Would I have known what it was like to be kicked in the stomach when I was 8 months pregnant? Would I have known what it was like to be cheated on, lied to, beaten up again and again by the same person I vowed to spend the rest of my life with?

JB .... what if there was never an us? What if I had said no to meeting you at Starbucks? Would I have known what it was like to be cheated on with not one but 8 other girls? Would I have been driven to madness to the point that I just obsessed over everyone in your life because you could be cheating on me with them?

FM .... what if there was never an us? What if I had just deleted your message and chose not to respond? Would I have known the shattering of my heart when you left me after finally convincing me that I could have found the one? Would I have lost myself for 3 years in the hopes of finding myself in your arms again? Would I have been broken far beyond the breakage that RA did to me?

MB ... what if there was never an us? What if I had rejected your offer to go on a coffee series with me? Would I have learned that you can be as ruthless and cold as ice? Would I have found out that you are capable of leaving the girl you love to fend for herself just because you're mad? Would I have learned that once again, promises are just things that are meant to be broken?

What if there was never an us? What if I didn't meet any of you? Would I be as strong as I am right now? Would I be as broken as I am right now? Would I be as scared to love as I am right now?

What if there was never an us .... perhaps, it would have been ...


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Hi! Let's all try to add more positivity in this world and adhere to the saying, "if you don't have anything nice to say, keep silent."

Showering you with unicorn poop so you'd always stay magical! Heart heart!