I have never been curious about Baler. I've often heard this is where people go to find themselves amidst the waves crashing on the shore, the strong hits slowly soothing away the pain that they feel and easing calm into their hearts once it all subsides.
I've never been curious about you. Frankly when we met, you made an impression but it was fleeting. It was only later on when we got the chance to talk that I became mildly curious. Now I question if that curiousity is what will kill this Kat. See what I did there? Perhaps not. After all, ignoring me has been part of your game all along.
Frankly, I had too many pains to just be soothed by a mere wave. How can a wave soothe the pains left by others? How can the calming sounds of the ocean make me feel better when nothing else has?
How can you make me smile then leave me feeling empty? How can you make me laugh out loud then have me shedding tears because of an insensitive remark? How can you heal my pains with a hug then add to it when you forget my existence?
Baler was my home for 2 days. For two days, it pulled me in just like the waves and wouldn't let me go as much as I struggled to break free. It held me in it's arms laughing at my protest and hooking me in until I can resist no more.
For two days, it pushed me away and made me feel that I was nothing but trash that it did not want or need. When I ran after it, it would hold out its arm and then pull away just when I thought I could hold on to it. It laughed at my attempts and mocked me for even trying.
Baler welcomed me with open arms with its pretty beaches and magnificent waterfalls. It also spat me out with a vengeance with its slippery slope and strong currents. To this moment, I do not know if Baler hates me or loves me.
Just like you ... you brought me to Baler and I know not if you like me or I am just a toy you play with to amuse you. It is exasperating but what is more frustrating is that I still find myself drawn to you. I can't seem to leave and my feet keep digging in the sand that is you. When I struggle to pull away, the sand becomes quicksand and I am sucked in.
You are like Baler. You and I seem to not fit but I find myself adjusting in the hopes that one day you'd turn around and say, "hey, welcome home." For now, you are Baler. I am but a mere visitor just hoping to survive this trip as unscathed as I possibly can be but knowing that I will have more than a few marks.